Wednesday, March 16, 2005

6276

I did dream last night, but they've faded back into the shadows. Something, I believe, about making some form of toys. The dream demons will press the replay button tonight if it's something to be reprised.

Read into the early morning, slept in and awoke in time to meet with J. Mixed set of feelings in seeing him. He's still producing exquisite images, ideas and futuristic visions. He's also still being mashed between the plates of realities. He's almost there, again. Almost home, nearly.

We met in the little cafe near the midtown area. They do make a great chai.

Not much I can do for J. He's once again up against it and has to find his way through the maze. I told him he could use my name, etc. when contacting people. We will meet again and I'll do what I can do in terms of research and locating possible funding sources.

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But enough of those things. Rest of the day has paddled by without any meaningful results. Had an encounter with a bicycle nazi in the early afternoon. I was driving to my postal box to pick up mail. As I came to a stop at the intersection, this guy pulled his bike in front of my vehicle. That was fine with me. I assumed he was trying to make room for anyone who might be turning. He looked back at me in a nervous, twitchy way. My inner radar kicked in and I figured that he was some kind of possible trouble.

When the light changed, he started peddling, but was in the wrong gear. He wobbled and weaved, and finally started up the street. He didn't move close to the parked cars, but maintained a place near the center of the lane.

I waited a bit to see if he would make room and when it was obvious he wasn't going to do that, I accelerated and passed him. In doing so I had to cross the center line. I zoomed by him and swung back into the lane, caught the next light and made a left turn.

I pulled over to move into a parking space and as I was parking, Mr. Nerves pulls up, turns his bike around and heads back my way. He appeared to want to say something to me. I rolled down the window and asked if there was a problem. He was shaking and seemed either nervous or upset. He asked how close I thought I had come to him back on the other street. I told him I had pulled around him, crossing the center line, and didn't get close to him.

He was of the opinion that I had come close. He then acted as if he were memorizing my license number and started talking about the police. At that point, I knew he was wacky and not exactly rational. We exchanged some alpha male noises and he rode away.

I managed to maintain a somewhat even keel until near the end. At that point, I was starting to lose it, make growling sounds, and was ready for battle -- even though I knew that doing so was foolish.

I've seen the guy around town forever. He looks like a casualty. He used to look more solid, more intact. I'm sure I'll see him again. Will watch out and not fuel the fire. Even though he was acting irrationally, I still needed to give him the room he wanted. In retrospect, I should not have passed him and should not have done so like I did. But that's all history at this point. A new traffic day begins.

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In discussion with G yesterday, ideas were kicked around regarding perception and how two people are unlikely to see something and give similar descriptions. It is the eyewitness issue where eyewitness testimony can be so unreliable. We talked about writing a story where each observer had his or her worldview. Like the famous Japanese movie (so famous I can't think of its name) where the scenes are played out from each person's perspective. Rashamon is the title that comes to mind.

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I'm wobbling and waffling right now. I can't come up with anything compelling to write about (about which to write). So will stop for now and return later (possibly) to continue this activity.

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Back for a late night blogsnack. Amazing how the hours either drift or fly by. Odd time patterns seem to dominate my attention. Infrequent drummings and spate of vocal noises hover in the shadows.

Everything is in shadow at this time. Everything incomplete and barely visible, hardly distinguishable from the darkness. My thoughts ascend and descend like the elevator I rode today. But now, everything seems lost in the haze, buried in the shadows.

Did I manage to accomplish anything of value today? Not much, if anything at all. I allowed the day to slip by, the hours to flow along without clear delineation or effect. The rhythms of the day were incomplete, inconsequential and inane. Not unlike many of my previous days.

What do I expect? What do I anticipate? I long for the breakthrough, the lance of purpose and the sword of clear vision. I falter and spin. The markings that I make are jumbled and incoherent. Or that is one way I can hold the hours passed.

I could also hold them as part of a dance, a cosmic dance that I do as I make my way through this time, this life. Sounds fancy. Sounds like I may be getting near the bone. Not so. I am really nowhere, everywhere, lost in space.

The fragments of the night and the day merge and homogenize. They mix together and form a slurry of empty context, random actions. I sense some meaning, some possible interpretation, but it does not coalesce. There are spaces in the fabric. There are alternate dimensions and probable events.

I picked up more books from the library today. Dropped off two books that I had completed. Received a new library card in the process. Good for my memory said the librarian since I get a new library access number with the new card. Just what I need -- more things, new things, to remember.

Spent a goodly time today filling out a Nielsen survey. They paid me $15 for my efforts. They sent instructions via snailmail that included $15 in cash. The money triggers performance desires and I had to answer the questions. They asked for a host of very specific data. May the statistics' gods be fulfilled.

The day winds down. It spins itself to a stopping/resting point before kicking into the new day mode. Begorra! It will be St. Patty's Day in the morrow. Get ready for the green assault. Man the corned beef barricades. Ban the potato famines.

So it is with many thoughts I end this posting and make my way to bed and to some late evening (and hopefully not early morning) readings. May the shamrock force be with us.

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