6059

I dreamed I was in Memphis, TN. I was finding my way around town. I went to a shopping plaza and picked up some new clothes. When I came out of the stores, I looked around and knew where I was in relation to where I wanted to go next. I started driving. It was rush hour, but I was heading in the opposite flow direction. I took several turns and side streets, ended up driving across some empty lots that showed vehicle tracks, and landing on other streets that took me where I wanted to go. I was not worried since I also had the power to fly. I could zoom up, high above the buildings, and see the city spread out below like a map. I did this several times when I needed to see where I was in relation to cross streets and sections of town. The dream was easy going, unhurried and filled with enjoyment--of the moment, of the activities, of the driving, and the flying.
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Days becoming merged together, muddled, and so alike that it seems as if nothing is happening. I awaken and I sleep. What happens between these two markers seems to itself be a marker of another kind--one that has some variations, but that still seem to be the same, or almost so. Stasis. Caught in a stasis, an eddy that seems to go nowhere, that isn't producing any variations of value. What is being produced is ennui in the extreme, and an obsession with minutiae, the minutiae of everyday life.

As can be gathered from the preceding rumble, I'm not feeling fully engaged, fully enraged, fully wrapped. I dance, I dream and move my body in ritual patterns, but I continue to hit walls, encounter barriers, and cannot seem to extricate myself, retread, redo, revisit, or even react. I know that this is it, this is how it's turned out, and that it's exactly how it's supposed to be. I know all of these things on some level, but not on a level that promulgates action, change or variation.

I've received a BMR announcement of a below market unit being shown this weekend. I don't think I'm far enough up the list to be selected, but I'll still make the open house and submit an application. It's a one bedroom unit for about $90,000--what a deal! If I fall off the top of the list.

Meanwhile, I dance, I visit with the chiropractor, I look through apartment listings, I practice Qigong, and I notice all the stagnation and non-moving elements. Life goes on in its petty pace, day by day, until I awaken, arise, and find my path through the jungle I've created.