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Most likely I did dream last night, but if so they are gone. Have vague recollections of being in a dream state, but content has vaporized. Munro story about the wilderness may have preempted any dream messages.
Went to yoga this morning. Was restless last night. Had read myself into blurriness, but couldn't fall asleep. Morning seemed to come too quickly. Then had to get up and about. Lots of thoughts around the topic of what feels good to me. Yoga--yes. Need more of it. Dancing--yes, probably doing enough for now. Eating--I had a good lunch, Persian Platter.
Would like a sweet--will wait until I head to L's and we go to Starbucks.
Cleaned the place up a bit. Doesn't take that long--the place is so tiny. Looked in papers for rentals--there was a noticeable drop of lower-priced listings. I haven't checked craigslist today. In fact, this was the first time I started up the computer.
Lots of thoughts and worries around moving, getting a new place, etc. Will have to create an opportunity--see what emerges.
In yoga class, instructor read blurb from Castaneda about having death over your left shoulder. Of turning to that macabre companion to ask questions about choosing paths. Appropriate piece of writing for me right now. My companion has become more present, more noticeable.
I am going to die, but I want it to be on my terms. I know that's silly, but I would like to be at peace with my life as it has been done before I go. Some people are content, they have done what they set out to do. I am not content; I have not done all that I would like to have done.
Tangles and tangled. The vines of uncertainty wrap themselves around me. I become paralyzed and fearful. Then it all unravels; it all becomes as L would say "moosh."
Time to pay and play. Don't have another day. If one comes my way, I will stay--I will stay.
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