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Missed posting yesterday--the 1st day of June! Not a lot to report. Slept quite a bit yesterday and today. Feeling like I want to hibernate, but it's not in sync with the season.

Wondering when I'm going to be able to do something progressive. Reading around in the four short story collections I picked up. Marvel at the backgrounds of the people who authored the stories--at how they worked away, over time, and carved a space for themselves.

Until recently, I've not thought much, if any, about having things link together and form a whole. Now, faced with an unraveling of self, I hunger for the times gone by--imagine that I would have done things differently had I but known. Fantasy, of course! Idyll musings that keep me treading water instead of swimming to some fixed location.

Answers to my underlying questions lie (lay?) not in faulty, enhanced memories, but in present/future(s) that are drawn from realities. I dream, but I do not act. I sleep, but do not always dream. There are patterns, but no paths. I walk uncharted (for me) expanses following makeshift maps and faint directions.

It's possible to just keep on hanging out, but I don't like the sense of non-control that tact produces. I have an image of quiet and stillness--of frantic-free living despite the conditions and circumstance. That image draws me forward--keeps me paddling despite the counter currents. Whispers in my heart!

The years have come and gone. There have been ample chances to have turned the wheel and spun up a winning draw. Hopefully, there is still some opportunity for it to happen--for it still to be done. I awake in darkness. There is no light. The sounds of stillness fill my being.

The stories in the Buddhist fiction collection, You Are Not Here, are wonderful! They provide a glimpse behind the curtain of striving for the point of cessation in several contexts and people's lives. Will have to look up last year's collection--the first one in this genre.