4507

Had two classes today. Had a PD dance class and a movement class in the afternoon. Both felt wonderful! I think I could live fully if I had nothing else to do but sleep, eat and attend dance/exercise/movement classes. Actually, that's about all I am doing except there are hours each day where I'm doing just about nothing. My nothing time is spent obsessing about my illness. When I'm in the classes, the obsessing goes away. Need to figure out how to be in the "class space" all the time I'm not eating and sleeping. I also do a few other things--read, watch movies, watch some TV shows, and check my email. The time goes by in all cases, but the class periods are timeless.

Dreamed last night about meditation. I was with someone who had a regular practice. I was asking them about doing meditation and what to expect. It was a simple, interesting dream.

When I left the movement class the instructor asked if I was having problems with my shoulders. To her, it looked like I was hunching my shoulders. Despite the two classes today, I think I was scrunching up my shoulders in a protective action. I've been feeling fragile and fearful. I was scrunching as a way to protect myself--despite all of the loosening in the classes. Fear and tension! Hunch those shoulders! Pull back into that protective shell! Oh, well!