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Cold is getting better. Still experiencing some drainage and intermittent sniffles, but I believe the worst is over, finally. I'm still not 100% but feel like I'm getting there.

Dreams last night revolved around some kind of company (LF?) event. There was some ceremony or festival being planned where I was going to be introduced to the crowd. But there were some problems that arose regarding security for the event. I and others were being interviewed and debriefed about what had to happen to make sure everything came off as expected. I remember being interrogated by someone who I assumed was part of the security patrol. He was personable, but there was a hardness about him that came through his external demeanor.

There were dozens of people milling about. There were armed guards. I recall at one point wondering what the ex-CEO would make of all the hubbub. Presumably, I was there as a guest and didn't have much stake in the outcomes, except for my part when I got introduced. It was not clear exactly why I was being put on the spot. It was some form of validation.

There were other dream elements, but they were absorbed into the main dream flow. I seemed to recall that at one point I was consciously, actively making up dream fragments--directing the dream flow in terms of action and content. But this was a minor activity not a central element of the dream state.
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Had chicken and dumpling soup last night. Also had a sundae with multiple ice creams, toppings, sauteed bananas, and whipped cream. Feed a cold. Yesterday, I took that admonition to heart. Seems to have helped. Sinus drainage continues and the effluent is starting to look nasty--brownish tinted instead of clear. Emptying out my head, I suppose. Good thing to do every once in a while. Clear the sinuses; clear the mind.

Rains falling in these early days of May. Persistent rain storms that move in and dump their watery loads as they sail on into the mountains.

I've decided to stay put for another six months. One measure of pressure released and set aside. But I must plan out what I intend to do when the six months end. This time, I had no plan and so I'm still here. Frequent flyer miles keep poking their way into my consciousness. Using them seems to make some sense even if it requires vacating my home base. Time to fly. Me oh my.

Managed to sit in the sun for a short time this morning. Felt good to have the warmth beating down on me. The sun is playing hide and seek with the rain storms. Breaks in the clouds give the sun a chance to burn through and knock back the dampness.

I get up and do a few things--go to the chiropractor, drop off the mail, read the daily paper, drink a chai and eat a croissant--then return here to write out a few lines, make a few observations and I am ready for a nap. Too soon; too short a time. Cannot maintain my efforts for any extended period of time. Malaise and torpor overtake me. I hum with the desire to sleep, to rest, to close my eyes and disappear into the fog banks of the dreams.

Sustained interaction and focus no longer seem to be part of my repertoire, as it was once. Perhaps it never was. Perhaps I only imagined such a state and have been dreaming of that condition so often that I confuse it with reality, with current actuality.

In any case, it seems time for a nap, a respite, a quiet break in the fevered humming of the morning's activities. Soporific excuses. Laments of merit. Dreams that push back the envelope of time and reveal the circumstances of the forgotten life. Memory excursions that take me river rafting on a cascading flood of "could have beens." Dreams break and their fragments lay shattered on the beaches of time. Immense predilections emerge and foment possibilities. I am without water or recourse, river or gain. I am frozen between two clock fragments, neither of which relates to time. I dance the slow dance of the unimagined.
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Clearing and clarity coming my way. Brief nap and then out again. Made it to L's for a soup and coffee. Thinking that I could really use some coffee to help dry up the floodgates. Seems to be working. Will also try dancing tonight. Movement seems in order after such a sedentary week.

Clear also that I need to planning my next steps. Not certain where everything is headed, but I need to make some plans and begin to make progress on where I am to be living come next year.

Looking forward to some time when I'm not enmeshed in some physical symptom, wrapped in some dis-ease that keeps my attention locked and not free to be applied to other things. Can't wait too be there. In the meantime, lots to unravel, lots to uncurl. Make ready the cannons. Fire at will. Leave no boat afloat, not any goat.

Time to leave this venue, this forum, this dialog with myself. Flashes of old places; faint flashing images of long forgotten themes. Dances of delight mixed with the whispers of a fading prayer. No one knows the trouble that I've seen. Nobody knows but Jesus. The quiet sussuration of the fans.