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Positive thoughts. Accentuate the positive. Leave those dark clouds behind. Have fallen down the rabbit hole of doubt and have been helping create my own chaos and confusions. So what's new? Nothing, really. Except I've spiraled further and further into the muck of things.

In several of my previous posts, I kept saying that I needed form and structure. The open-ended hours that I've managed to create are like buckets with holes in the bottoms. The raindrops of possibility just run straight through and get absorbed by the thirsty soil.

Do what gives me pleasure. Started yesterday with just little things. I feel lighter and more buoyant already. Stopped pushing myself to write--not just write, but "write something important." Creating my pressures and stoking my own fires.

So looking for the flow once again. The flow goes on. I just stepped out of the stream by obsessing over it not being there.

Things are sort of jumbled, but that's OK. Jumble is the state of new beginnings, startovers, resets. Have to allow for the churn and sway. Also have to allow for the presence of pleasure--not duty, work, effort--pure pleasure, pure and simple ease.

All dis-comfort, dis-ease is created by thought. Thought, the chattering mind, plays out the patterns that it thinks it needs to survive. The "but if's" abound. Setting the thoughts free, free to be thoughts and nothing more, makes room for possibilities. Possibility cannot flourish inside a chained set of logic, rules, reactions and false patterns.

I keep expecting the flow to ignite and manifest, spontaneously. I've not been preparing the ground for such an event. I've just been assuming that it will happen despite my flood of negative baffles. Stop, look and listen. That's a freight train coming down the tracks, not the engine of flow. When the train smashes into the barrier mind there is vast disruption instead of vast assembly.

Why do I write all this? To help me find my way. I've been wandering off the path thinking that I was on track and not noticing the mania I've been creating. As I noted yesterday, eat, sleep, read--do whatever continues to feed the mind, body and spirit. Don't feed them gobs of pathetic, self-soiled garbage. Who needs that kind of crap? I don't and the world doesn't either.

Dance class last night was challenging for me personally. I kept sliding off into the "I can't do it" space and had to keep on dancing to get past those thoughts. Payoff--I learned a couple of new dances, reviewed some others, and feel like I've got them down and can dance them this weekend.

Surprise! It was raining this morning. Nothing heavy, but a summer drizzle. Took the dog for a walk in the rain. We both got slightly damp, but nothing heavy. The heat of our moving bodies dried us by the time we returned.

Will be heading to the computer store again today--most likely to go ahead and get a new system. Need to have something in place by the time L returns. It'll take a couple of days, no doubt, to get it up and running, online, and checked out.

What we say to ourselves in our head becomes the way the universe manifests. Say repetitive negativisms and the world becomes dark. Affirm the positives and the world is filled with light and ease. I choose the light and all of the healing it can bring.