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8/6/39 to 8/6/05--66 years. My dreams last night seemed more like waking thoughts. I don't recall anything specific except tossing and turning. I kept giving myself instructions of which way to toss and turn. My body is a basketcase today--sore knees, toe pains, hip aches, and back tensions. Welcome to my 67th year.
I read until quite late. Read an Alice Munro story in Runaway called Chance. Not as great a story as Runaway, but still compelling, eerie and uniquely unpredictable. Just like life.
I saw a guy on a bicycle several days ago. He was a person I met several years ago when he was working downtown--he maintained an office where he wrote during the day. I couldn't think of his name. I was driving myself crazy trying to remember. Then, on NPR radio, there was a new story about someone named Al Young being named California Poet Laureate. That's the person.
I looked the story up on the web and sure enough there was his photograph. He's been quite prolific in a quiet way. He's written novels, books of poetry, essays, screenplays, and more. He's published steadily over the years and has garnered many awards and honors.
Interesting background--he was born in Mississippi. Now he's the poet laureate of the California. There's photo on his web site of him and Oates. She looks like someone stole her soul.
Anyway, I've been here 66 years to day--completed that many cycles. So it's onward into the 67th cycle. So far, I've celebrated by doing my laundry. L and I will celebrate with brunch tomorrow. Tonight, I may go to QS. Will see how my knees, toes, hips, back are feeling when that time arises.
I want to make a cycle 67 declaration regarding writing, but I hesitate. I have been at such a juncture as this before and my declarations have been but empty air. I am uncertain now what it is I can declare myself to do, to accomplish. The obviousness of what I have to do to achieve even a portion of my dreams is undeniable. I wrestle with my ability to follow through on what is required should I give my word, declare my intention.
I have in fact already put forth my intention as is noted in early posts. Because of the day, the symbology of the day, I'm feeling called upon to renew my declarations. It is a gesture, perhaps, but one that I feel compelled to make. So be it! I so declare. It's done!
For some insane reason, the gardener is here today (instead of Thursday) with his mowers and blowers. The throb of those devices have descended and broken the tranquility, the relative peace.
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Gardener noises have subsided. Still distant buzz and hum from somewhere nearby, but nothing right outside my window.
The stillness fills me with a faint drowsy feeling. I'm still not fully awake/aware. I drift in and out of focus--of me experiencing being focused and directed. Unfortunately, I can continue in this way for quite some time. It's been a year since I left LeapFrog and settled into this new place/space/ without a trace. I went into a fog-filled pit and have yet to emerge. I get moments of clearness, but nothing that lasts. Each day folds into the next, collapsing time, and leaving me adrift.
Have to decide if I'm going to dance tonight. It's going to be an "oldie's" venue, but that's what I'm becoming--day by lengthy day. Dance and dream, dream and dance. Dance my way into the latest cycle. My next 18-year breakpoint is six years away--2011 (if my math is right). Almost the final Mayan year in the current calendar cycle. 2012 is the pivotal year--coming soon.
So once again--happy beginning of the 67th cycle and ending of the 66th. Wishing myself good fortune.
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