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Had a session with JJ over in SC today. Valuable but tough to hear! Mostly dealt with my attitudes and how I'm going about my recovery. She pointed out that there's not much she, or anyone, can do now--it's in my court. I have to step up and deal with what's going on. I have to grow up and be responsible for my recovery. Stop hoping someone else is going to make it happen.

I told her about the bodywork sessions--how they work, but only for a short while. How the periods in between sessions are turning into symptom pits. She said is was like bingeing and then getting a hangover. I need to source the results of the bodywork--make it happen within my own being. And concurrently, stop operating from the perspective that it is hard (difficult, impossible, never going to be done, too much to handle, is bigger than I am, and so on with a host of negative litanies). I need to use my powers of visualization continuously and relentlessly--not keep devolving into "poor me" mode of thinking/being/feeling.

I must become the master of my moods instead of letting them rule me.

Anyway, it was a valuable session and helped me get my head out of the water. I know what I need to be doing! I just need to be ruthless (and joyful, happy, clear, thoughtful, and so on) and get it done. And it's not a mental exercise--it's visceral and feelings-based. I have to learn how to be from the inside out!