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Went with BH to visit MD this evening. MD's in bad shape. Supposedly he's at home under hospice care. He's weak and stumbling, unable to vocalize so he is can be understood, and having difficulties with breathing. A week ago, he was walking and talking. In a week, he's unable to do those things. It was really sad to see him in that condition. I'm glad I got an opportunity to see him, but it's not what I would wish his way.

There were a horde of people there tonight. His father, a couple of his high school friends, some people from his church, BH and I, the two boys, and his wife. It was a noisy, chaotic scene with a football game on TV and numerous things going on. I had a difficult time with all of the chaos and noise, but I managed to stick through it all. It helped a lot that BH gave me a ride. I would have some difficulty driving over by myself. I could do it if I had to, but was nice I did not. It also helped that I took a nap before BH arrived to pick me up. Sleep and rest is good!

I can't help but reflect on what I saw with MD and his state of being versus what I'm doing. I'm orders of magnitude more mobile, functional, and able to do things than he is right now. So, why am I so locked up and closed down? I could be (should be) doing more than I am doing given what I have to work with. So, why am I not doing more? I pray that I get an answer soon while I am still able and well as I can be.