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Dream mush last night. Awoke early, but fell back into sleep. Cat napped until I had to get up to go to the chiropractor. Feeling jittery and weird still. Had a solid breakfast or rather a hearty breakfast. Steel-cut oats with banana, warm milk and cinnamon-raisin toast. Still no caffeine.

Came back and fell asleep for a short nap sitting in my recliner. Finally, I seemed ready to deal with opening up the computer and starting this post. Spent some time first chasing down small details of some of the UI on the new system. Firefox has its own collection of options and features. Not sure I will ever learn them all, or need to do so.

Feels good to just not have anything that needs to be done. Yet, there are many things that I might be doing. Keep looking for an answer to the questions I have about my state of being. Feeling fragile, jittery, anxious, nervous, low energy, fearful, and a host of other sensations.

Clearly have things that need to be taken care of, that need attention. But, I don't want to, can't seem to, put my focus on any of that stuff. I realize right now that I'm blithering away with no clear purpose in mind. Emptying. Just emptying. Which is what I seem to need to do in the short run. Empty and blither, blither and empty. Shake the tree and see what coconuts fall on my head.

Weather outside is scorching. Heat and more everywhere. L got her job offer. She starts back to work on the 15th. She's at IKEA looking into getting a bed for her son.

I've got lots of mixed thoughts jamming around in my brain. It's like a plague of locusts that are swarming everywhere, making noise, and clogging up the flow of things. The buzz and the bother--the wail and the storm.

Churning. Everything is churning and turning, twisting in the winds like prayer flags being slapped about in high winds. I keep thinking, I keep hoping that there is a breakthrough, an answer, a leak in the membrane of life that tells me something of value, points me in a desired direction. Mumble tumble. Words and thoughts collide and cascade from my head, fingers, mind. Nothing of seeming value, of obvious worth. Just a set of jumble thoughts, endless rhymes.

But, I'm back in the mix of it all, back on the boards. The sidetrack of the past few weeks is over and I'm back "home" and can settle down some and center more. I had thought that the past few weeks were going to be a lot different than they were--a lot more productive, creative, and restful. It turned out to be none of the above.

So back here in my cave now. Back here in the relative quiet from the storms. Back here where there are a lot fewer options, a lot less distractions. L heading back to work will also reduce the sidetracks that I've been making each day. It will be less contact, but more time for me to learn to use wisely.

All of this chatter is just that--so much chatter and soundings. Like I said, it's more of a process of clearing the channel--it's become clogged with considerations, plugged up with vague intention. Time to flush things out and clear the way for whatever is arising, whatever is manifesting. Lots to do to just keep track of the threads of my thoughts--see if they resolve into anything beyond loose ends.