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Dreamed | of being at a gathering | but being invisible | not seen | disconcerting | but valid |

I was at a meeting of people from the management consulting group. They were saying bon voyage to some potential clients and all stops had been pulled to make a good impression. There were not only some of the principals but also people from the staff and support areas. It took place in a large parking lot. CS was leading the activities. He was doing his usual good job of selling everyone on what could be done. He was waving several pages from a prospectus that had been prepared for the clients.

I was there, but felt like I was invisible. I was poorly dressed and was scruffy looking--pretty much like I've been dressing in reality. A few people in the crowd made eye contact with me, gave me a quiet nod, but didn't say or do more than that. The longer I stood there, the more out of place I felt.

There was also another dream segment, but I lost it after I awoke.
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Major rain and wind today. Trees toppled and waters rising in the gutters. Got an emergency warning message by telephone alerting me to the possibility of water getting over the banks of the local creek. Didn't happen although the gutters and storm drains were clogged and overflowed.

Last day of the year, 2005! Had lunch at L's--salmon, broccoli, toast with cheese, and an apple dessert. Was good!

Heading for a New Year's dance tonight. Starting out a bit later than usual so naps can be taken and snacks can be consumed. Last dance of the current year. Dancing into the New Year--2006.

Drinking a Sleepytime tea and eating a vegan oatmeal cookie. Seeing if I can settle down before heading to the dance. Strange to be drinking something to quiet me down before heading to a party. The world is upside down! I am inside out! I'll be moving in a week, moving and shifting.

What do I want in the New Year? Peace and stability, healing and recovery. I just want to reach a point where I can relax and let go--flow with the go--and not be seemingly driven from circumstance to circumstance. It will be OK to be out of control as long as there are no overtones to everything--let things be what they are and not have to react or do anything unless I wish to do so.

Simple things in simple order--I wish to have time back in my hands instead of being driven by events. I can say it a thousand ways, but I'll know when it becomes so for me. Especially now, now that I know what it is like to not have it be so. To be lost in time, lost to an array of events, lost to my own wishes, lost! In the New Year, I wish to become found in place of lost. Let it be so! Let it be so!