5926-5922

Back online! Realized I could use telephone and modem while waiting for DSL... Duh!

Here is note I sent out a few minutes ago as today's (and several missing days) post...

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I got the apartment in Palo Alto! The landlord's name is Angel and getting the place involved divine intervention given the rental market in this city. More on the place below.

Rewind: Started the week with a session with Laura (week ago today). We covered a lot of ground and the session seemed to fly by. Worked on making a heart connection with my right arm and shoulder area. Was able to still the tremor there and somewhat into the afternoon.

Tuesday began packing. Mostly involved stuffing clothes back into plastic bags and staging everything to be moved into the truck. Was low energy most of the day.

Wednesday saw Janice. There was confusion on session time. I thought it was 4:30-6:30. It was 2:30-4:30, but she took me anyway when I arrived. We talked a lot about what's next for me. I said that my key concerns were feeling tired and the tremor at night. She said that I can expect to feel weak for some period of time. It's like I've been ill and bedridden, and will require some time to recover. I should just plan on taking as many breaks as I need to in order to recover properly. No way to hurry the process.

As a sidebar, she shared with me that she recovered from the symptoms. She did so using the same techniques that they've taught me to use. It took her a fair amount of time to recover (she was doing it on her own with no PDTeam to help coach). Gave me hope as well as gave me pause.

There was a deluge of rainy weather, but Thursday morning came up clear. M&E helped me pack the truck and I thanked them for all that they had done. They really created a safe, supportive space in their lives for the two months that I was there. And, as I quickly discovered later that day, did so much that allowed me to focus on my self and not a lot of detailed stuff. My awakening came as I came down the hill and reached the new abode.

Thursday and Friday, I ended up in a tailspin. I let myself be overwhelmed by everything and bought into the fears and anxieties. By the time I drove down on Thursday, unpacked the truck, made a run to the drug store (for toilet paper, some food items, misc things such as soap, etc.), my adrenaline system was empty. I was feeling stressed and more. Fortunately, my friend L dropped by with some food and then went out for a grocery run. Ultimately, I was in the place both physically and otherwise. The utility company came by late afternoon and turned on the electric and gas.

As I prepared for bed I discovered that the space heater wasn't working. It was already chilly and there was snow on Mt. Hamilton as I came over that morning. I called the landlord, but told him that he didn't have to come until Friday. I had a small space heater with me that would get me through the night.

Needless to say, I slept really poorly (new place, new bed, new noises, heater running, pile of stuff everywhere, etc.).

Friday, I got up early. Made myself some breakfast and set out to pick up more things, get more food, and so forth. L and I had talked about going to the storage locker, but it was raining so I went with plan B. I realized that people normally collect household objects over long periods of time. I'm in the opposite mode--I need to collect a number of household objects in a short period of time--just to function. That realization ate at my energy so that when I got back home, I was zapped.

I called L and told her the storage locker foray had to be postponed. I asked her to bring me some basic things--a set of plates, cups, utensils, bowls, etc. I had gotten enough pots/pans etc. together, but only had plastic plates, etc. She brought over a set of items and an IKEA catalog. She also encouraged me to just relax and not try and do everything at once. Good advice! She suggested that I look though the catalog and that we plan to make a run there on Saturday.

Her advice helped. I quieted down. Made my favorite dinner of steamed veggies, rice, and broiled salmon. Put on a kirtan CD. Spent a couple of hours going through the IKEA catalog, mapping out things to get.

Slept better on Friday night (heater working helped). Got up early, did Qigong and went for a walk. There was a footrace being routed through the neighborhood. Couldn't help but think of the times I ran in that race. Could feel the contrast of me walking deliberately along as the runners streamed past. The longing to be running with them!

Came back and drove to L's. We went on to IKEA and began a round of shopping. I had made a list so we knew what we were after, in general. Stopped early to eat there, and then returned to the action. Got a small pine dining table, two matching pine chairs, and other needed items. L was marvelous! She likes to, and is good at, assembling things. She put together the table and chairs in no time flat. When assembled, with place mats in place, the place begins to feel like home. One niche done and more to go.

I was tired by the end of the day, but more of a good kind of tired and not an anxiety-driven weariness. Thank goodness for friends like L. She made the difference between me crashing and moving on.

Sunday, I got up and made a run to Target to pick up more things. Many more things! 14 years of collecting done in days, well maybe months. L came by in the early afternoon with some curries from DeeDee's. Delicious! And, energizing! That food is so really right for me. This was L's vacation week and she used a hunk of it helping me cope. I'm immensely grateful!

So, I'm beginning to set my rituals and organize my practices. Up this morning (Monday), did Qigong, ate breakfast, went for a walk, and left to go to SC for a session. Alas, my truck was not ready for the trip. Had to cancel the session and take my truck to the dealer's shop. Something wrong with the heater (not working) and the temp gauge looking like it wants to boil over. Not a good omen for going over the hill to SC (steep hill). Awaiting call from them regarding what's to be done. Dealer is only three blocks away, so easy to drop off and walk home/there.

Today was the first day that I've really "been here." Thursday and Friday were panic days. Sat and Sun were settling down days. Today is today. Place is fairly quiet once everyone leaves for work. In fact the place is almost empty.

Janice, in her Wed session, talked about the "two lives" aspect of recovering from Rebellious Qi--how there are inner and outer aspects that have to be dealt with or accessed (this is all my interpretation of what she was saying). How the outer part has to interact with the world (truck repair) while the inner has to address feelings, emotions, anxieties, joys, satisfactions created around the outer actions. How the recovering person has to be aware of these two states and work with them both--not hide the inner, but acknowledge it and deal with it as well as the outer actions. A seed she planted that is growing in my awareness.

Time to wrap up this episode. I have another session on Wed (truck willing) and then plan to take a break for a couple of weeks to focus on settling in here more. Hopefully, I'll have DSL by the end of the week. (I only realized yesterday that I could dial out--Duh!--before the DSL arrives.)

After I got through the shock and awe of once again moving (Thurs/Fri), I'm starting to feel better about everything as I settle in (with great thanx to L for all of her coaching and help). I'm starting to look for a good twin bed setup for the bedroom (instead of sleeping on the futon chair that I now have--which I'm starting to actually like) and a lounge chair for the living room, as well as a setup for my computer stuff. Also, need to sort through my storage locker mostly for kitchen items. But, no hurry. Right now, there are places to cook, eat, sit, work, sleep--who needs more?

Thanx again to all of you for your support and prayers. Especially, M&E and L! The mists are clearing--I can start to see the possibilities. Love and blessings to everyone!