5695

I've spent nearly 6,000 hours in my recovery process. 6,000 hours! That's 24 hours a day times 30 days times 8 months! And the beat goes on!

Today was another mixed media day. I felt good when I awoke. It was not so cool this morning which helped things along. But, by midday I was starting to go horizontal, needing to rest and sleep. In the afternoon, temperatures got warm. It's still muggy and warm now.

I kept feeling restless today, restless and foggy. The beat goes on!

I was somewhat hungry all day. Kept nibbling and finally went out for dinner and dessert. Feel a bit better now, but still restless. Trying to mull through where I am (after 6,000 hours of recovery) and what I can try and do next. Move or don't move? Sign up for classes or not? Begin to do more (exercise, walk, yoga, or ??) or not?

I feel like I'm a gerbil running in an exercise wheel, going round and round but going nowhere. I keep attempting to shift my ways of thinking and my attitudes, but old stuff keeps sneaking back. And it's the old stuff that's holding me in place. Round and round I go!

I can do another 6,000 hours. I'm clear that I can do so, but I'm really ready for something different. I don't know if I can do another 6,000 just like the last 6,000. Muddy and moody, muddled and mundane! Another night and another dream.

I've been dreaming, but they slip away with the light of day. Mostly "reality" dreams--almost too real even though they're wrapped in sleep. Well time to spin another 24 and see what manifests. Let there be a breakthrough! Time for one to appear!