4821

Feeling heavy today! Went for a walk on the baylands. It was perfect weather. Lots of birds and animals, blue sky and lofty clouds. But came back feeling heavy. Took a nap for a few hours.

Didn't have the regular PD exercise class today. It was canceled since there is an all day seminar tomorrow about PD. There will be over 500 people attending the seminar. I'll go to movement class tomorrow and avoid the crowds. As someone remarked last night when I described the PD exercise class--it's like a look at my future! The seminar will be like that times 500. I'm not liking these peeks into the future. I can't seem to feel good about what they portend.

I think I did well in the dance class on Monday and the movement class on Tuesday. Both activities felt good. One person in the Monday class said I seemed to have a lot of energy. Someone in last night's class said I seemed to be moving smoothly when we were doing a complex partner exercise. In both cases, I felt that the observations were accurate. Hearing them, I felt good. So, why the heaviness today?

There's so many things I would like to be doing, but I'm in this groove and seemingly have been for three years now. Right now, I'm moving and doing more than I was doing a year ago. But, the total output is still barely a fraction of what I once could do--have done. The future looms! I can't seem to shake off the heavy mantle that is wrapped around me. Days go by with few sensations of accomplishment or satisfaction. I eat, I sleep, I sometimes dream. Little else gets done.

Don't recall last night's dreams. Seems that the movement class lets me go into a deep sleep and I don't remember any dreams. Wonder what tomorrow's movement class will bring? More deep sleep perhaps. Also, it's tax time! Need to get it done this weekend. Mundane machinations! The sound of gold falling on the tables! Imaginary scenes! The well of time is deep! Good night! Good night!