1729

Sleepy today--I am that I am. Went to bed early last night--but was up/down throughout. It's now about 2pm--and I'm still trying to awaken. I've been out for some errands and a latte--and took a small nap when I returned. But I'm logy and slow--drinking a V8 as I post with the goal of feeling more awake as the day proceeds and winds down.

My being just doesn't want to accept what the doctors are about to reveal--I want it just go away and never be. I feel like having PD is all I can handle--adding another layer of doctors, medications, processes, and activities leaves me numb. Numb and feeling paralyzed--with a low reservoir of energy and stamina to call into play.

I'll do an RSB session tomorrow and Tuesday (hopefully)--before meeting with the doctor on Tuesday afternoon. If needed, I'll punt on the Tuesday morning RSB session--I need to be awake and clear on Tuesday afternoon. An afternoon that will affect the rest of my life--A wave of ennui spills over me even as I think about it all. I want to run--but there's no place to run to, no place to go that will avoid the reality of what is happening.

So I drink my V8--and await for my mind and body to awaken and shake off the ennui. To give me a short spell of clearness and wakefulness--so I can do my laundry and do a bit of something before the day rolls to an end and the morrow comes. Or not--as the case may be!