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Dream | less | night | Don't remember any dreams.

Spent morning filling out a rental application and faxing it to the person coordinating the rental process. Wrote down the wrong fax number--that took some time to unravel. Missed (skipped out) on Spanish class and dance class. Was feeling really anxious until I grabbed a late lunch. Felt less anxious after eating, but tremors set in and wouldn't go away. 3PM medication seemed to make things either worse or it had no effect. Maybe was affected by being taken on top of lunch. Finally got some respite around 6PM. Drove over to L's for some tea and toast, watched a little TV, and came back home.

Quiet now as I write. Stillness in the night and in the body. Waves of stillness. Spent a bit of time earlier in the evening listening to the final tracks of side 1 of the Tolle CD. Quietness and stillness in his voice and manner. Talked a lot about this moment, the only moment. I listened and tried to reconcile with having my body in motion, having it shake and quiver as I try and become the stillness.

I am not my body, my thoughts, my breath, my work, my conditions, my shaking--but the shaking is difficult to let go of when it feels as if it has me. Anyway, the good news is that right now, this very moment, I feel still, feel stillness, even as my fingers move and I write what I am writing. Now, the shaking returns as I stop writing for a moment, for this moment. It is as if I have a clever puzzle that I'm wrestling over--movement, no movement; shaking, no shaking; quiet and still, disquiet and in motion--how to reconcile, be with it, come to reside in what is happening.

No slick or clever answers. And nothing to do when I'm caught in a neuron storm--or whatever is happening with me. Something keeps coming back from the previous Power Healing class--where there was a guest speaker--about the mind not being able to do two things at once, think two thoughts. It either is thinking thought A (I am shaking, for example) or thought B (I am not shaking). It cannot think both at the same time. Or can it?

Under quantum rules, might I not be able to think both thoughts, hold both experiences? It seems like a way through the paradox, to be in both states. Will sleep on that thought (those thoughts) and see where that takes me. In fact, in sleep I might be in both states--there is just no consciousness around to try and reconcile the two conditions. (I can tell I've been reading the Universe on a T-shirt book and it's tales of Einstein. Wonder what will emerge when I start reading about string theory?)