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Dreams | were there | soft and mysterious | no content | just impressions left in the heart and mind.

Bumped into JV this morning. JV is in a wheelchair. He received spinal injuries in an automobile crash many years ago. He's now 63 and admitted that he never thought he would live this long. I can only begin to imagine what his days are like. He seems to be completely at peace with where he is and how he is. He's on daily drugs to alleviate pain, I presume. He doesn't project himself as a person locked into a wheelchair. He's active, engaged, takes stands and lives his life as fully as he can. He's inspiring.

I shared with him my condition and where I am in the process. JV listened and asked good questions, and wished me sincere regrets for what I'm encountering as well as good wishes for my future.

Feeling somewhat lost--lost in space--today. Went out for breakfast and now it's almost time for lunch. Food--food--with nothing else in between. Although that's not exactly true--had talk with JV, went to library and picked up a new book on string theory, walked a little, etc. Fill in the blanks--and there are many blanks to be filled. Responded to a couple of emails--nice statements of support from family and friends.

Brain supplements seemed to trigger good energy over past two days. Not much happening today--might have just been placebo effect, but will continue with them and see. Shaking/tremor was noticeable when I was talking with JV. Less now. Stress and tension does bring it on--I was feeling strange talking with JV about my relatively minor issues when compared with what he deals with every day.

Looking forward to my session with GH on Tuesday. We have much to cover, much to be discussed. I feel like everything is looming, hanging heavy and waiting to come down. If I move to Felton, I have a fair number of logistical issues that will need to be addressed. Right now, my mind doesn't want to wrap around those items and begin to clear them. Nothing new in all of this, but I feel one level less willing to engage than I normally would.

Maybe lunch should be pursued and see if that shifts my focus a bit. Onward to eating I go! The Don Quixote of the luncheon menu. Food, fool, food!
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Walked downtown despite a catch in my right thigh and hip. Felt good to push on through and make the walk. Didn't go dancing and there are no dance classes for the rest of this month--so walking is it. Was disconcerting though to experience the leg not moving well. More of what's to come? Perhaps.

Continued my scan of the recovery group's message board on Yahoo. They have a 6+ year archive of people's communications around the topic of their recoveries and what happened to them in the process. Unfortunately, for them and me, most of the discussion so far involves med levels. Having read the current info from the PDRecovery people, I know where the stories are headed. Brave people in many cases, but where meds got out of control in both directions--up and down.

Listening for the music. Waiting to hear the song. Don't know how it happened. How it all went wrong. But there is the music. Playing wild and free. Somewhere there is music. Playing just for me. And you. And everyone. Everyone I see.