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Day of changes, but that's always so. Major change (or not so major) was that DeeDee's stopped using the stainless steel thali trays and switched to styrofoam "bento boxes" with plastic forks and spoons. I know it saves them a lot of work cleaning the trays, but the place loses some of its charm. The trays made it seem like India. The styrofoam makes it seem like here--which it is. And, it's probably true that in India they too are using plastic as well.

Another change--I didn't make it to dance class and will probably not do so next Tuesday also. I came back from lunch and went to sleep. I slept until it was too late to get cleaned up and make it to class. So, I've been reading and relaxing.

Tomorrow I have a session with Rebecca regarding my nutrition plan. Looking for a breakthrough in that arena. My diet is stabilized for now, but I can't eat certain things. I feel that if we can make a shift in what I eat that my recovery will progress. Right now, I feel constrained in what I can eat and that is affecting my overall well being.

Despite the monumental amount of sleep I've been getting, I'm still weak and tired at my core self. If I didn't have to get up to eat, I think I could stay horizontal forever--which is not a goal, believe me!

I finished the Secret Society of Demolition Writers story collection. Good works, but a bit patchy because of the open format. Good idea though! Writers writing anonymously what they might otherwise not create.

There is a momentary stillness right now. A break in the various noise levels that can be heard throughout the day. The babble of languages and miscellaneous incursions like someone jumping rope on the common area deck. Traffic and winds; the sounds of tires whirring. But, in between, a brief stillness, a momentary silence.

But life noises flow back into the spaces where there was quiet. People noises slowly erode the stillness, push it back into its nowhere place. Life returns and clamors to be heard, to be listened to, to be dealt with.

Thoughts today of not having an illness. Moments when the symptoms (tremor) are almost non-existent; times when there is stillness. Note that illness is stillness without the first two letters--where ill has been traded for still. Hmmm!

I continue to explore the interesting phenomena of not having symptoms in my dream states. I continue to awaken in the dream, become lucid while in that state, and note my symptom-free condition. I continue to expect that I will recover and be able to help others find joy and compassion by me sharing my experiences.

I keep watching for the first signs of my being able to have recovered enough to begin that process. Up until now, the spiral keeps giving me only momentary glimpses of being whole again.

So, I go once again into the darkness, the evening sleep and hope that I awaken rested and whole. May it be so!