5798

Hot day! Despite a tempering breeze, it got warm again today. I got up and did my morning rituals, including a walk, but then took a rest/nap before my next food installment. So went the day and I have just emerged into consciousness after a long warm afternoon.

I read quite a bit today, but didn't go anywhere or do anything except feed myself, repeatedly.

The trip over to SC yesterday took its toll today (nice alliteration!). Hopefully, will be more functional tomorrow--feeling somewhat better now that it's cooling down and my brain is starting to work.

Been studying my symptoms more closely. For example, there are three states that the tremor-related symptoms fall into--stillness (occasional state, although can be induced when I'm napping or sleeping), sense of "pressure" on my right side, mostly in my head above my right ear, although it sometimes is felt in the body), and shaking/pulsing of the right arm (varies in intensity and where it originates in the arm--hand, forearm, bicep, etc.).

The first state is the absence of the last two states. The last two states can occur separately or at the same time. The "pressure" state is the most disconcerting--it absorbs my whole attention and I cannot seem to do anything else. It's also the most tiring. The arm tremor is noticeable, but not as distracting as the "pressure" state. Having both "pressure" and tremor is definitely distracting.

The diet/assimilation issue is another symptom that seems to be independent of "pressure" and tremor. It persists (in some ways more so than "pressure" and tremor), provides a continuous backdrop as I choose and eat foods, and keeps me from putting undivided attention on the other symptoms and recovery process. I feel I need to get this issue stabilized before I can make large strides with everything else. Or, I need to find a way to focus on the various issues in some coherent way--so that I address all and leave out or diminish none.

After four months of working with these issues more on my own, I've reached a point where I can no longer just wait for a breakthrough to occur. I need to create a breakthrough, make it happen. Otherwise, I feel like I'll be stuck in this purgatory forever--which I already feel has happened--I feel like it's already been forever. Time to change course! To reroute the train!