5803

Quiet day! Not many people around today. Most had to work. A neighbor received a load of dirt, rocks, and pieces of stonework. That delivery was noisy, but didn't last that long. Still, this place is the noisiest of any place I've ever lived.

Reading the Lance Armstrong book. He talks about sleeping 20 hours a day during his recovery. Guess I'm not sleeping all that much relative to what he did--had to do.

I've been thinking a lot about what I need to be doing to help me recover. I've mostly been waiting, resting, and dealing with my stomach issues and diet concerns. But, I'm getting really tired of not moving forward in some fashion, some concrete way. I'm beginning to realize how much I sit and wait--wait for circumstances to overwhelm the stillness and the waiting.

I'm beginning to realize that I need to be more proactive, but the question is in what ways? Most of what I've ever done has not led to great outcomes. This illness and what I'm doing about it, with it, is turning out to be more of the same. I'm starting to notice that I'm going to have to do something no matter what the illness does. If I recover (completely, partially), I need to have a plan. If I don't recover, I still need a plan.

As I said (I think yesterday), I keep falling asleep thinking that I'm going to awaken recovered. That's what happened last week for a day, but it did not sustain or build. The next day, I was drifting back into fog(s), instead of it being better.

I'm feeling like there's something I need to be doing to shift the results around. I don't know what that might be, but I know I need to discover what it might be, soon. Months have gone by and new months are forming. I know I don't want to still be waffling about like I am now four months from now. I rested enough to be recovered. Despite my ability to continue to rest and sleep, I think it's time for a change of patterns--perhaps even a change of scene! Hmmm! What might that be? How do I make it happen? What kind of change is needed?