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Went for a treatment today in SC. It's been 2 months since I was there last. Was overdue based on my sense of where I am and what we worked on today. Chris talked a lot today about creating patterns (habits) that are not helpful, and what to do to disrupt those cycles and create routines that are more helpful--that produce more positive results.

On my own over the past two months, I've started focusing on what wasn't working and letting those thoughts direct my actions. It's really very simple--focus on what's working and keep doing more of those things while dropping the non-productive elements (obsessions).

We talked quite a bit about anxiety and how I've let those thoughts take over. Anxiety is a fear of something that hasn't happened--that isn't real. In the Chinese medical system, anxiety confuses the Qi--which is the basic state I've been experiencing--confusion. Confusion leads me to paralysis (literally and figuratively) and I start obsessing and creating poor habits--ones that do not produce positive results.

Today's session was one of the most difficult I've had over there. I couldn't settle down and grow still. I started shaking when I got there and kept it up for nearly the entire time I was there. Since I've returned, exercised and eaten dinner, I'm much quieter and the shaking has subsided quite a lot. The drive over was stressful--it's been two months since I've made that trip and it was like starting over. Coming home was easier--especially after having had a treatment.

So, I'm on a hunt for poor habits--ones that are fostering anxieties and keeping me locked in non-productive cycles. May the poor habits fade away and be replaced by ones that are beneficial! And it is so! It is so!

Dreamed an elaborate dream last night. I was on a campus and was with a group of people who were escorting a guest professor around the place. We stopped for lunch at a cafeteria. I was the last person to get a steak sandwich, the last one on the serving table. Everyone else that had wanted steak had got theirs. Mine was like the leftovers and was not as big as everyone else's.

When we finished lunch, we left to go to another building. We took several ATV's as transportation. The guest professor insisted on driving the ATV we were in. I asked him if he was comfortable at the controls and he said he was. He had some adventure-style kind of background.

We took off across the campus. We were hurtling over some open ground when suddenly we came upon a culvert. The professor did something at the controls and we made it across the culvert without a mishap. It was tense! I thought we'd crash for sure.

We got to the next building. It was some type of sport's arena. There was a circular urinal in the men's section that we got in line to use. It was crowded. As I got near the front of the line, several men cut in front of me. I didn't say anything since they looked like they really had to go, but I felt chagrined, like when I got the last steak sandwich.

I woke up and cutoff the dream state. It was time to begin the day.