5962

Dreamed | some dreams | last night | but did not sleep well. Ah, so!

Went to session today with lady who developed the protocol for healing and recovery. Very direct person. Asked me what I planned on doing with my life? Something of value and purpose or becoming a poster person for how the illness works and what it can do?

For her, the illness takes the shape of whatever fears and ideas I may have about it, if I choose to let that happen. Or I can clean up my life and my attitude and get on with living. (This is the short version of what we talked about as she held my foot and leg.)

What she says rings true given my experiences over the past few weeks. My anxieties magnified the symptoms of the illness, much beyond what the illness was actually doing. I've transformed mild symptoms into wild ones by overlaying the anxieties.

Anyway, she asked some tough questions, for which I'm seeking answers. She encouraged me to ask others what they think would be a good life choice for me. I asked L and she came back with the idea of going back to school. A great idea! I could see myself doing that.

Janice, the lady who developed the protocol, cautioned me about not getting to the root issues in my life. How not addressing them will only get me so far in the recovery process, but not all the way. How health alone is not enough of a goal. She warned me that if may require a lot of work, a lot of pressing through. And that it must also involve joy and peace of mind. To that end, she queried me regarding my relationship with a higher power. It, like the rest of my life, has been a floating arrangement on my part.

So I have some deep pondering to do, some important contemplation. And many miles to go before I sleep...