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Went over to SC today. Met with Janice and got a confirmation that it's not the illness--it's me!

Physically, I'm on track. Mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually, I'm off the charts in a not positive direction. She worked with me to instill the importance of getting some joy (JOY) in my life. I realized that even the physical stuff I'm doing I'm holding it like a set of chores to be done. Healing and recovery is never going to happen from that mindset.

I'm glad I finally managed to get back over there. I'm experiencing clarity and stillness despite my own attempts to derail the process. She also did some needle work with me to expand my capacity for putting some JOY (aka FUN, SILLINESS, EXHILARATION, PLEASURE, etc.) into what I'm doing, even if it's just walking my loop each day. I've ritualized what I'm doing and am not letting the JOY be a part of my actions.

She also had a suggestion for late night auto-prompt regarding how I awaken in the mornings. It involves some self-programming regarding my first thoughts upon awakening--having them come from the FUN part of my brain. I've been doing things like an ascetic would do them, but in a rote manner, a labored way. Time to change all that--again! Discipline has helped me reach the point that I'm now at, but gentle kindness, JOY, FUN, and EXHILARATION are also needed. So be it! And it is so!

I knew all of this before going over today. But, it's now been underscored and noted! With emphasis! Time to program my morning's muse!