Wednesday, June 22, 2005

6178

Round and round, and upside down. So goes the flows of things. Reading and reading until I think my brain is going to freeze, or so it seems. Reading O. Henry prize stories. They are so well crafted and so rich in detail and development. One, Shell Collector, brought back floods of memories of being on Sanibel Island. Those were the days, my friend. Who thought they'd ever end.

Dreams got lost from last night. There were dreams aplenty, but I failed to recall them as I awoke. Another dream stew served up and lost. But not lost forever as we know. The dream bag is full and always ready for a replay if need be.

Crazy, lazy day. Big ticket item on today's agenda--buying a MegaMillion lottery ticket. Playing for beginner's luck. State is now part of the multi-state big ticket lottery. Odds are much worse of course, but the pots are big, huge, gigantic.

Tomorrow brings a visit with the chiropractor, a qigong class and perhaps a lecture on healing. No dance class tomorrow evening--it restarts next week.

I keep churning and turning around the issues of finding a permanent living space, going back to work, figuring out what to do next, and on and on. Also whether of not to go back to the neurologist and see if there's something medical about my slow movements and feelings of being in slow motion. Interesting, that I don't seem to have that kind of slowness as I write. I write along at a fairly good clip and don't have that many blank spots.

It's more when I talk or try and put thoughts together that I try and speak. Also a bit of frozenness about my reactions and responses to triggering events. It's like I'm in another dimension, another medium, and have to make an effort to cross over and be in another person's space.

Wobbly, knobbly or so it goes. Days (daze) go by almost in the blink of an eye. I find myself in loops, like the story I read last night about a VR home for disembodied elders. The place required a disrupter to help the clients break up their routines. Otherwise, they kept repeating themselves, over and over.

So, I'm in need of a disrupter so I can break the patterns and cut the loops. I need to pull my own VR plug, make a brand new start.

I hear me saying these things to myself multiply--not as in go forth and multiply, but in multiples. Strange times at Ridgemont High. No ridges and no highs. Just the ticking of the clocks and the counting of days (daze).

So with these sweet words, I bid myself adieu and a dream-filled nacht. May the carrot cake become the gateway to a new reality--dessert was wonderful--but I digress, as always.

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