5958

Drove back over the hill today. Wasn't feeling 100% (so what's new?), but wanted to pick up my mail. It had really stacked up even though I'd switched much of it to e-documents.

But, I made it and had a croissant with egg and veges at Printer's Inc. L joined me there and we got to visit some.

It was strange, disorienting, to go back there. It's somewhat like walking out of one dream state into another, and then returning. I only got lost once where they had rerouted the access from 85 onto 101.

I found myself in "automatic" mode a lot while driving, and had to keep bringing my focus back to the road and the traffic, especially on 17--which is it's own form of difficult roadway. But, doing the drive says that I'm fine for tooling about Santa Cruz to get to treatments.

Came back and took a walk (my 1.5 mile route) and then rested for a bit. Been clearing emails. Got a resounding "YES" from my dragon friend, my spirit brother, regarding me getting back to writing. He's the one who really got me started, so it's fitting to have him cheer me on at this time.

For a single moment today, standing on California Ave in Palo Alto, I had a clear feeling, sensation, of being healthy. It was just for a single instance, but it was a certain knowing. My thought was, "That's what it's like--what it's like for me to be in a state of total health." At that instant, I know it can be done, that I can recover. I just have to let go of a lot of negative baggage, and learn a whole new way of being. And, I've had a moment of it, for sure!

I've been telling myself that when I recover I'll be able to know what is health and what is not for me. I certainly know what the state of being out of health is like now. I much prefer the moment I experienced earlier today.

Meet with Chris tomorrow. M&E may be heading north, which will give me the place to myself for a couple of days. That will be interesting and very instructive!