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Dreamed | a few dreams last night | but they diffused in waking.

Slept fairly well last night. Yesterday's session took some energy, but didn't knock me out.

Today has been a lost day. Got up and out this morning to take my laundry in to be done. Toyed with the idea of getting breakfast out, but didn't. Came back and ate some cereal and then rested in the lounger and nearly nodded off. Got up and did a session on the cardio machine. Ate some more and started drinking one of the superfoods. In between, continued to pray and talk to my body.

Feet feel exceptionally sensitive today. In the afternoon, went for a walk--me and my feet. Certainly notice that we worked on them yesterday.

M babysat one of her charges today. This kid is really quiet. After a nap and a snack, she's getting a bit more verbal, but she's really not very noisy compared to others. M&E and heading north tonight so I'll be alone for the evening. Tomorrow I do a double treatment session--like last week. Looking forward to the sessions.

Yesterday's coaching focused on what I need to do to maintain the process when I'm not seeing a practitioner. Based on today's results, I have much more to learn and master. Didn't manage to kickstart myself into continuing the process today. Have to make some plans as to how I'm going to transition from current setting into a more independent one. Ideally, would make this happen while I'm still seeing the team with some frequency. That was part of the overwhelm affecting me today--starting to look ahead and get clear about what I have to do, to get done. Makes me want to just lie down and zone out--which is part of what I did today.

In my room here at M&E's, my computer is set up in front of a large mirror. The mirror reflects my image back at me. I look up and see someone who looks healthy, looks awake, looks whole. On this side of the mirror, I experience myself as not what I see. Why? Why are the two images (and they are both images) not in agreement, at least experientially? What's preventing me from looking into the mirror and sensing what I see out here? Only me! Only myself keeping me from myself, from my natural self.
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M&E took off for the evening. I made a dinner of brown rice, steamed veges, a couple of hard boiled eggs. Was a substantial plate full of food. Ate and then ran down to get my laundry--he wasn't quite complete so I had to wait for 10 minutes. Road north was jammed with cars--must have been an accident along Highway 9.

Came back and unpacked the laundry, put on fresh sheets, and did the dishes. Karma yoga, lots of karma yoga!

Will do some yoga stretches in a bit. My middle back is complaining--need to listen to it.

I've been letting myself sink into a funk today. Did go for a walk earlier today, which broke the negative rhythms somewhat. M had asked if I was going for a walk and I said I was waiting for the sun--which suddenly showed itself a few minutes later. The day had been gray all morning and into the afternoon.

I keep noticing my little negative thoughts. How they pop up and out without me doing anything. They just bubble up even when I'm praying, talking to my body, imagining myself happy, and so forth. The negative thoughts are ready to jump in anytime there's a lull in the practices. Ready to fill the gaps with gummy goo! Have to learn to let them be and don't give them energy or validation in any way. Thank you, mind, for sharing and now back to my conversation with my big toe--oh, yeah! Yoga stretches time! (both meanings of this statement are correct)