5249-5247

Lost in space! Somehow I missed 2 days of postings. Slept little to none over those nights, whichever nights they were. Switched away from the Broth--it was too heavy for my system. Went back to my dairy diet--feels better even if it isn't. Still losing weight and feeling fairly weak. Saw the PCP today. He gave me a drug for insomnia and an antidepressant. Will do the insomnia one tonight and hopefully sleep the sleep. Then tomorrow will start the antidepressant. Feel better already just thinking about all that.

Had an hour of grace today that was truly spiritual--like a warm beam of light was shining down on me. It was lovely and made me feel well--as if the source were in me. Like the mantra that Luca gave me yesterday after the acupressure session (yes, I did get out yesterday--first time in weeks). Used the bus to get to the PCP today.

I know what my lesson is in all this (especially after not sleeping for days on end)--the physical body and the self are not the same--connected but not the same. I'm learning a lot now--way too much, but why not?

Here is the checklist I used with the PCP today. He was really helpful. He asked the hard questions, not harshly but gently. He helped me see how chaotic I've been and some of the road I have to travel. It's not pretty nor is it going to be all that easy or simple.
**************
Med Notes for meeting with doctor – 1/11/08

Summary
 1 month ago was walking 1.5/2 miles per day, was exercising 30 minutes every day, and metabolism/gut was sensitive but OK.
 Started with light anxiety with some sleep loss – less sleep each night.
 Anxiety became more intense – I just thought that it was part of the PD symptoms (tremor and shaking). Progressively increased.
 Noticed with less sleep/more anxiety a loss of energy, loss of weight, and increased cog-fog.
 Varying food amounts didn’t seem to affect sleep/anxiety/energy.
 Xmas went to urgent care – sleep deficit, extreme anxiety, weakness, cog-fog.
 Did a blood panel, examination, was given some Ativan so I could get some sleep.
 Took ½ of a tablet of Ativan and felt somewhat better that evening and next day.
 Symptoms returned. Tried a 2nd Ativan cycle, but left me slow, more tired, weaker, and greater cog-fog.
 Past few weeks, changed diet – no effect – still sleepless, anxious, fading energy, weight loss, cog-fog, and more constipation (more animal protein in diet).
 However, it seems to be related to when I eat – shaking does subside eventually after I eat and appears again later. Like hypoglycemia in some ways.

------------------------------------------
 Is it possible that metabolism (digestion) is not working? What about pancreas, adrenals, thyroid, etc.

 Need some sleep/lower anxiety – both would help – without using a heavy drug. Cannot handle Ativan – leaves me more tired, slow and increased cog-fog.

 Feel that I’m on the verge of a total collapse – poor sleep for over a month, on-going anxiety, low energy, and weight loss.

 Urinary issues – very frequent, seems like what goes in comes right out, involuntary dribble and some release after thinking I am through.

 Place on stomach – tender spot with rough spots.

 Skin – massive dryness.

 Have tested (saliva) positive for H-pylori and Toxoplasma titre. H-pylori confirmed with an antigen stool tests. Toxoplasma requires a PSR serum test (PAMF does them).

 Same saliva test showed – Total Salivary SIgA depressed, cortisol-DHEA correlation near adrenal fatigue levels.

*************************
There was much to discuss--and now much to do and be done. Onward and onward! I weighed in today at 146 pounds. Turn on the eating/digestion machine! About time for my pill!