Monday, February 13, 2006

5943

First Monday (Moonday, Moondaze) "off" in several weeks. Normally have had a treatment scheduled with Chris for this day. So, I've been on my own today. I've managed it well.

Got up and used the living room for my morning Qigong movements. Then made breakfast (oatmeal) and sat for a while. M is up north babysitting today and tomorrow. E slept in (almost too late). I used the quiet and silence to sit, to talk some to my body, to do some imagining (seeing me healthy, seeing me in a place that supports my healing process and activities, and me winning the MegaMillion lottery tomorrow--why not?), went for a walk (2.5 miles), did some cardio machine repetitions, and fell asleep while E was out to a meeting. And the day is still young!

Balmy weather here today--almost feels tropical. Could rain I suppose.

I stilled the tremor this morning. Used the anchors that I'd received in last week's sessions to quiet and still the tremor for a bit. Somewhere between the anchors (heart/mind connection and the visualizing of light filling my upper right arm) and the imagining myself healed and whole, the tremor subsides. Of course, in the imagining I see myself without any shaking--I'm just a "normal person."

I also keep using my unaffected left side of my body as a model for the right side. If I'm having difficulty doing something with my right hand/arm, I do it with my left and then repeat that set of actions with my right. It usually seems to unlock the right side to do this.

I've also been practicing writing my name in large letters in the air (as suggested by Laura). Doing so makes my brain feel good and seems to affect my regular signature--it's more well-formed and more legible. My whole body gets involved in doing this exercise and it feels great to do it.

As this next month ticks on by, I've several key items that I need to handle--new place to live, strengthening my practices, taxes (oh, yeah!), and deciding if I need a new wardrobe (none of my clothes fit me anymore since I've lost so much weight)--in addition to getting eight more treatments (which are the most pleasant and fun items on this list).
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Read some this afternoon. Reading a SciFi novel by Orson Scott Card called the Seventh Son. Interesting story set in the early period of American history, but in a culture that still had a large component of magic interwoven throughout. There is an interesting echo of the Law and the Promise book (imagining creates reality) in the Card book. There are companion themes in both books.

Tonight, I got really tired and weak-feeling. Some of these sensations went away after eating. I may have not eaten enough today--I did eat somewhat lightly and not as frequently as I've been doing. Will eat more tomorrow and see what happens. I was definitely falling into a "this isn't working" funk. Feel better now--clearer and more focused.

I am still weak in certain ways. For example, my right arm doesn't want to move in certain ways--like washing a pan using a circular motion. I can't seem to put on pressure with the hand. This has been an ongoing problem for several months, and it hasn't seemed to improve. If I model with my left hand/arm, I can get more out of my right hand/arm. I keep thinking that the cardio machine repetitions should be helping improve things, but it doesn't seem to be doing much.

I notice that not going to a treatment gives me plenty of time/space to find things that are not working. In fact, I can become tightly focused on what isn't versus what is. Wear a white hat and forget those negative thoughts!

Looked at craigslist today to see what places were available. One studio in my old Barron Park neighborhood that sounds promising. Other places in Mt. View and Redwood City. Yikes! Month is already half gone! March will be here soon. Where go the days? They fall like leaves.

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