1486

Trying to figure out why I'm so logy and feel so tired--I'm eating plenty and am horizontal enough as well. It's like a switch got flipped--and I can't seem to do a reset and get things going. I'm sure that it's related to the surgery--but I would think by now (it's been 4 weeks) I would be chomping at the bit to return to what I was doing before the operation.

I've started doing light exercise--but my stamina is poor. It's been way warm outdoors--so walking hasn't been easy for me to do plus I'm having trouble with my hips (left mostly) and legs.

I spent most of today reading through the financial newsletters that I subscribed to--it was a lot of information but what I needed to see in order to figure out anything I do in the stock market. Unfortunately, most of these publications are offering packages that they sell--using very lengthy web presentations that go over everything ad nauseam and in the end usually do not present the looked-for data. They offer to tell you everything--if you sign up for their publication.

The costs for most of these services are not all that expensive ($49 to $99)--but their sales programs are all built on the same model and becomes boring and tedious. Especially so when you know they are talking using a horse of a different color--but that has the same no-payoff resolution once you sit through the long introductions.

But I think I've found a couple that seem like they will be helpful--and I've had them started.

I don't have a pile to do any major buy-ins and may only be able to work with penny stocks--which in some areas are producing huge returns. But I've still got more research to do before I jump in the river-- and hope to not drown.

1487

A lot of traffic through the house today--MD had several caregivers coming and going There were several new people--who had to be briefed on what needed to be done and so forth.

I just stayed in my room as much as possible--and came out so they would know that I was around. But the day went by in a daze--and I didn't get anything of consequence accomplished.

I have a bit of a stomach upset--with loose bowels and frequent trips to the bathroom. I'm trying to eat foods that will help clear this up--but I'm feeling tired and fuzzy.

1491-1488

B-day came and went--I didn't mention anything about it but people have too many online gadgets that do the remembering for them. I got a luscious small chocolate cake--which was big enough for everyone to get a tasty slice. It was one of the most decadent desserts that I have ever eaten--and the Tillamook White Chocolate ice cream with Raspberry Yum multiplied the richness enormously.

The program that my daughter is doing--is working. She's come down to Earth--and is sorting through what she had been doing and noticing how much of what she was doing wasn't working. It's going to take awhile for her to get her thoughts around what she was doing (to herself and others)--and let go and get on with her life.

The two grandkids quickly noticed her absence--she's going to be in the program for about 30 days. There are visiting hours every Sunday--and they will visit with her then.

The two-year-old is really observant and present--and he's showing some signs of not seeing her around. He's also having to deal with spending more time with Grandpa and Grandma--which has its pluses and minuses. He's a really cooperative kid though--and hasn't been any problem with having t be shuffled around some.

I continue to feel that my energies are low--and I seem to run out of steam fairly quickly. I have been sporadically doing a few exercises--but I have to get back to the boxing place to get over this malaise and lack of focus.

I'm looking into the data on penny stocks in the emerging pot sector--the upside looks huge. I can afford to gamble a few pennies and play that market--and maybe I'll come away with a few more coins in my pocket (unlike what I did in the microcomputer, Internet, social media eras--  nada).

We have a smoke advisory on for this whole week--wonder if any of the fires are burning up the pot fields. If so--will cause the penny pot stocks to go even higher. Yum, yum--Raspberry Yum!

1492

Can't get to feeling wide awake today--started out feeling energetic and ready to go. But the ready to go--got up and went. I'm grateful for the momentary respite as I awoke--just want it to persist and stay around much longer. By noon, I was moving sluggishly--and even doing some exercises didn't help to lift me up and get me out.

I suppose I'm somewhat depressed--and that what I'm feeling is what that is all about. The place is fairly quiet today--granddaughter is off with her dad and grandson is doing his naps. TD is helping MD--but she's wearing out and is napping right now. We are watching the grandson tonight while his dad works--and she will carry most of the load. I think I'll wake up some when the grandson is up and about--but I'll run out of steam as the evening progresses.

My daughter is on everyone's mind--it's been almost a week now and we won't see her for several more days. BH will get to see her in a therapeutic setting next Tuesday--but the family won't see her until a week from this coming Sunday.

I moved some of my assets around yesterday--which helped me clarify some of the haze. I hope I've not done anything stupid--but it looks like what I've done makes sense (at least to me). The market seemed to be in a good spot to sell/buy--and redistribute portfolio (sounds big deal but really isn't).

This whole thing with my daughter triggered some anxiety--some concern for my future and what I could be doing to forestall future issues. We shall see (said the blind mouse)--we shall see!

I'm going to have to jump out to SB's--and order up a Frap. Must have the caffeine--even though I drank a V8 Fusion after lunch. Getting close to that time--for me to pull up my socks and make the journey.

1493

Friday--a week that has gone by very slowly. The daughter's kick off set the tone and the mode--I miss her not being here. I hope she is getting value from what she is doing--and getting in touch with just exactly what set her spinning.

The household mood is clunky and not exactly free form--in the background are all the unanswered questions regarding her not being here. The grandson has noticed her being missing--and there's not much to tell him that makes a lot of sense.

And there's the regular routine for the kids--and the same for their dad. But behind it all is the unspoken questions--the missing pieces of life.

I slept a bit better last night--although I grew really tired last night.

And there is also MD and her needs--and TD's tasks she is doing for MD and the home in general.
Like I said, I'm not hitting on all cylinders--and am not contributing much to what needs to be done. My energy is up and down--but not up very much or very strong. Today, I spent nearly the whole day sitting on the couch--and wrestling with some of my financial issues. I am feeling anxious about the future--I keep imagining things getting tighter and unraveled.

I am suddenly feeling like I might be 80 years old--and that my past decades of energy levels have been reduced now. I did a bit of exercise today--but not enough. I have to get back to going to classes--and such myself to do more movement and work to get my body/spirit back to better levels.

1495-1494

Moving into August--heat still hanging around. I lost yesterday--ended up with a Trager massage in the late afternoon. Yesterday was the first day in awhile where I didn't feel the weight of all of the turmoil of the past week--or perhaps more.

I was aware of my daughter's absence--of what she might be experiencing after her first day in the center.

Today, I awoke slowly--I feel heavy and slow. Everything seems to be going slowly--like the brakes are on and the clocks are dragging along. I have nothing to occupy my mind--or my body. I exercised a bit just right before lunch--but I don't feel the movement like I was feeling things when I was engaged with RSB and dancing.

MD had more VA people come by yesterday and today--she's getting a lot of attention from them. They do a good job--and all seem to care about what they are doing an dhow they can help.

I picked up a subscription to the Motley Fools financial resources--I'm not sure that it's anything I can use or manage but I'm getting concerned about what happens if things start coming apart throughout the world. I guess, if it does, there's not much anyone will be able to do to offset the issues that will arise--chaos will rule!

I had some cheese (brie) and pretzels (with peanut butter)--and some almond milk and a V8 Fusion. I think the Fusion is kicking in--and I'm starting to awaken a bit. MD's regular caregiver came back today--and she is ploughing through the tasks she does regularly. MD is pleased to have her back--although MD isn't doing much to indicate she is feeling that way. She's been reading almost all of the time--buried into book after book.