4618

September flies away! 9/09 with 9/9/09, 9/19/09, and 9/29/09... Lots of nines have come and gone. Cooler today! Oh, yeah! Got really cold last night! It was brrrrsville!

Went to PD exercise class today. Came away a bit better than usual. Still spent a lot of time going over "the illness" and future issues with "the disease". Uneasy with the dis-ease! But I felt a bit better today. Climbing out of the pit. Crawling up the hill. Pulling free.

Dreamed last night that I was moving somewhere. Spent most of the dream packing what little I have, throwing away a lot of debris, and cleaning up things. Not sure where I was going, but there were quite a few people helping me pack. Felt like a very positive dream.

Have a movement class tomorrow. Looking forward to it!

4619

Fall weather has arrived! Cool and breezy!

Went to two classes today--PD dance and Rosen Movement. Both felt good. Rosen class again felt wonderful! Whatever makes that class work so well is fantastic. Keep on moving with it!

Also walked a fair distance today. Further than I've walked in a while. Hip/leg was fairly quiet as I walked. Hope to get back to doing longer treks.

PD exercise class tomorrow. Looking forward to going there.

I came back from PD dance class this morning and slept a few hours before heading to the movement class. It felt good to make both classes and take a rest in between. The cool weather made napping work.

Dreamed last night but don't remember any details. Dreams within dreams! Always dreaming!

4620

Nice day! It stayed cool today. Nice break from the hot weather.

Had lunch with BH (fruit, steamed and crunchy vegetables, rice, fish fillet stuffed with shrimp in a cream sauce, homemade peach ice cream, and brownies). Mmmm! Good!

GH and I watched the movie Pi. It was about a mathematics genius who was looking for the "magic" number that would unravel the world's mysteries. He was being watched and haunted by people who wanted the number to control the world via the stock market and people who were after the "name of God". He was on medications for a variety of ailments. I give the movie a rating of 3.14159265358979... (I used to know it to 50 places!)

It was interesting that the magic number was 216 digits. The Hindu names of God are usually 108, which is half the number 216. The Catholic rosary is made up of 59 beads with 54 (half the Hindu mala number) arranged in a circle of five decades separated by four markers with 5 attached to the part that holds the crucifix. Numbers inside of numbers! Perhaps will dream of all this tonight!

4621

Sun day! Sunny Day! Day of sun! Cooling in the morrow, or so is promised.

Dreamed lots of dreams last night that were influenced by the Children of Dune movie that I watched. Dreams were big and sweeping--filled with color and movement and replays from the film.

No CW dance class tomorrow. But am on for lunch and a movie with the H's. Looking forward to seeing them.

Didn't sleep any this afternoon. The heat made it impossible. I'm growing tired (frustrated, bored, and many other adjectives) of doing nothing--yet I can't seem to find anything that I can focus on and that will persist. I don't persist! Days go by without anything being done. And I grow tired of it all--tired of creeping onward and going nowhere. I must discover know where instead of nowhere. Or perhaps know ware instead of no wear. No fair nowhere! How can you be nearly everywhere? Today was a spare the air day--or was it a spare the heir day? This is going nowhere! Time to dream!

4623-4622

Had lunch with BH on Friday (guacamole, cheese, steamed vegetables, rice, lemon chicken, fruit and brownies). Yum! GH and I watched The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari--a 20s B&W film that was really imaginative.

Dreamed about being with a group of people who were designing a new kind of dominoes. We were putting together a virtual game space where the dominoes were key elements in the game play. Last night I dreamed but don't remember any details.

I slept in this morning. It was cool last night (finally) which made it easy to sleep in. Ultimately, managed to get up and and about for a while. It's turned warm again this afternoon. Days go by! Slowly (quickly), fast (slow)! The British Museum has lost its charm.

4624

Movement class today. It was a bit larger than it has been. Two new people were in attendance. The class went well although it seemed to pass quickly for some reason.

Dreamed last night but can't recall the details. I remember something about being in a house and looking out at another place. I was shooting wads of paper out the window and through the curtains on the other house. The paper wads were smashing through a set of shades that were pulled down on the windows. But, nothing more than that.

Watched an old movie Chan is Missing. It was a quirky film made in SF about a mystery man that is being chased by a couple of his business partners. The film was very low budget, but was done well. It was done in B&W and has some interesting camera shots throughout. I don't think I ever saw the whole thing from start to finish. Some scenes looked really familiar, but I don't know where I saw them.

Acupressure, lunch and a movie are on tap for tomorrow. In the books I picked up yesterday, I got a set of stories by a Brazilian Rubem Fonseca. His stories are dark and lurid--yet difficult to set aside. Only some of his writings have been translated into English--the PA library has just two of his books. Saramago on the other hand has 13 titles on the shelves.

4625

No PD exercise class today so spent day in idle mode. Slept in late but finally made it out and about. Dropped off DVDs, picked up new ones, and picked up new reading materials. Feeling logy--tired and out of sync.

Dreamed last night something about flies and maggots. It was a dark dream that I don't recall many details. Slept with fan on all night. Makes things somewhat noisy, but it was muggy until early morning. It was a bit cooler today until it warmed up in the afternoon.

Have a movement class tomorrow. Yesterday, after going to the Tuesday movement class, I felt great. I felt really quiet, relaxed and energetic. Still not clear how this result continues to happen, but happy to have it be that way. I'm sleeping way too much. Body is feeling achy and heavy. Need to do daily sessions of QiGong to help with muscle movement and stretching. Lots to be done! So little that I seem to be able to get done! Locked into a stasis!

4626

Got warm again today! It was cool in the morning. The afternoon turned that around.

Went to PD dance class today. It was good. Came home and took a nap and then went to the movement class. It too was good. Wish that was all I had to do--go to dance and movement classes. Wouldn't that be nice?

Dreamed last night that I was in a giant arena. I was part of the entertainment crew that was putting on the show. There were thousands of people. The entertainment crew were bathed in spotlights. Everyone was having a great time. It was awesome! There was a second part of the dream that involved me being with some individuals who were monitoring the show. That part of the dream is more vague now. The performance part is still quite vivid.

No PD exercise class tomorrow. Don't know what the weather portends. Hope it's cooler!

4627

Went to the CW line dance class today. 1.5 hours of movement! Felt good! Floor was a bit sticky and made it hard to turn easily. Legs are somewhat tight from the class.

Lunch with BH--a feast of corn, cole slaw, sugar peas, sweet potato, sand dabs, juice and peach ice cream (hand made)! GH and I watched Vampyr. It was a bit funky in terms of lighting and photography, but it was innovative in some ways.

I dreamed an intense dream last night but have lost the details now. For some reason, I think it had something to do with fishing, but there was some allusion to fishing in the Vampyr movie and the two are mixed up.

It stayed fairly cool for most of the day. In the afternoon, things heated up and its now hot and steamy. Tomorrow there is the PD dance class and a movement class later in the day. The dance continues!

4629-4628

Heat continues! Hot dry weather that continues to persist.

Dreamed last night that I was working on a new toy. The toy was a sheet of plastic material that a child could change and reshape to make a custom play item. The sheet could be folded and bent into a variety of shapes and configurations. It was not a transformer--it was more adaptive and conformable to take on the form and shape the child creates.

The dream also took place on a large college campus. At one point, as I walked across the lawns, someone asked me where they could set up a concession stand. I told them they'd have to go to the administration office and get a permit. The office would show them where they could set up.

CW line dance tomorrow. Week flies by!

4630

Turned into a hot and steamy day! Another clammy day that's way too hot.

Had an acupressure session. Felt good but left me tired. Had lunch (assorted cheeses, paella, apple crisp, fruit, and juice) with BH. Paella was great! GH and I watched the City of God movie. Gripping look at the gang and drug gangs in Brazil in the inner city (favelas). Film was done by the director who did Blindness. It was difficult to watch but still captivating.

I'm really zonked tonight! Early to bed! Ciao!

4631

Did a Rosen Method movement class today. I came away from the class feeling tired. Didn't take a nap in the afternoon though so I'm really feeling woozy now.

Watched a documentary on Carl Dreyer, the director of several well respected films. I saw The Passion of Joan of Arc with GH a few weeks ago. We're viewing Vampyr tomorrow. Dreyer was unique director and innovated as he made his works. The documentary detailed how he worked as recalled by many of the people who worked with him.

I went to a class (or two) everyday this week. First time in a few months that I've been able to do so. Feels good, but I'm also feeling quite tired and not able to do much else other than make it to classes. Weekend coming up and I can rest as much as I like. Will see if that restores my energies.

Have lunch with BH/GH tomorrow and an acupressure session. Onward!

4632

Went to PD exercise class today. Feel a bit zonked--the class was somewhat strenuous. When I arrived at the institute, a man was wrestling with a woman as he tried to get her into her roller. She had fainted or had a blood pressure problem. I ran inside to get the receptionist to call someone to come help. She contacted one of the nurses who got a wheel chair and took care of things. It was a tense beginning to my class.

JB and WB showed up for the class. I knew JB had been diagnosed with PD but I'd not seen him in person. He was mayor of PA for several terms. He doesn't look all that good. He was diagnosed about the same time as me, but he's showing a lot more symptoms. He's older than me by a few years. The class was tiring for him.

It was tiring for me as well. But, I came home and went out to do my laundry, dropped off some DVDs, picked up some new ones, and such. I haven't had my afternoon nap, so I'm feeling a little logy.

Dreamed last night but don't recall the details. It seemed that I dreamed about talking with someone about my symptoms, but I'm not sure now.

Have a movement class tomorrow and that will make a full week of classes--first in a while! Feels good even though I feel tired and creaky. Best to be moving though! Beats the alternative!

4633

Two dance/movement classes today with good results! Thank Goodness! Went to the PD dance class in the morning, at lunch and slept some, then went to the movement class in the afternoon. Sleep helped. Felt good to be moving once again.

Listened to Michael J. Fox tonight. He was on City Arts and Lectures. It was inspiring to hear some of his story. He has certainly been given a tree full of lemons from which he has made lots of lemonade. I would like to turn my batch of lemons into something other than a compost pile.

Have a PD exercise class tomorrow and a laundry run to be done. I'm feeling somewhat more settled now that I'm back to doing classes. Looking into how to set up a fuller schedule--replace my excess sack time with something more substantial.

Dreamed some kind of complex, shadowy dreams last night. I've been going to bed earlier the past few nights. I still read before going to sleep, just not as long. I awaken earlier. Minor adjustments to my bio-clock.

4634

Rained last night! Cooling rain! Helped cool things down some today.

Went to CW line dance class and did well. Leg didn't bother me at all even when I was making turns and spins. Big class! It's a good one--just the right amount of movement for me. Will head to PD dance class and a movement class tomorrow. I was a little tired this afternoon, but nothing major given today's exercise.

Lunch with BH was a tasty vegetable medley (Ethiopian, I believe), a chicken salad sandwich on pita bread, cranberry juice, fruit and a cannoli. Tasty! GH and I watched a movie by a Brazilian director based on a novel by a Brazilian writer Saramago. The film is called Blindness. It's a somewhat apocalyptic story about people unaccountably going blind and only seeing whiteness. The story explores what people do when their normal lives are disrupted and thrown out of kilter. There is one woman who can still see and who elects to be thrown into a quarantine facility with her blinded husband. The film is very graphic and depressing in many ways, but takes unexpected twists and turns as things unravel. It gets a bit slow every now and then when "statements" are made by various characters, but overall it was intriguing. I want to read some of the writer's books.

I feel less anxious tonight! Perhaps from dancing today. We shall see!

4635

Had some more rain today. Helps cool things off and leaves the air soft.

Watched Ulee's Gold film--with Peter Fonda. It was a slow, dragged out movie. It was predictable and didn't have much energy. I'm getting fairly critical about movies. The past year with GH has narrowed my window in terms of what makes a good film.

Dreamed last night that I was involved in some kind of project where invisible forces were being used to alter objects. Objects were composed of three kinds of material. An invisible beam, like a thought wave, altered the materials when the beam was directed at an object. We were trying to figure out how the alteration was being done--what was causing the changes. In another part of the dream, I was in a hilly region where there were huge road graders pushing dirt around. They were flattening the tops of some of the hills where houses were going to be built.

I'm feeling anxious today. I had a huge bowel movement last night that seemed to leave a residual of anxiety. I slept in late this morning, went out for a while and grabbed something to eat, and then came back and slept some in the afternoon. Start CW line dance class tomorrow. Hopefully, the class and movement will help chase away the anxiety.

4636

Surprise! It rained a bit this morning. I awoke to the sound of raindrops hitting the roof. It was a welcome and pleasant sound.

Dreamed last night that I was helping build some kind of containers. Each container was made from one half of a 4x8 foot piece of plywood. I had calculated the number of containers I was to make and how many pieces of plywood it would take. I was at the lumber yard telling the yardman what I was doing and double checking the number of sheets of plywood it was going to take. There was a few moments of confusion when we thought the numbers were off, but on checking again we verified the order. The containers were being made for some school children who needed a box in which they could store their belongings. The dream was fairly straight forward and did not have a lot of murkiness.

Watched Sleeping with the Enemy this afternoon. Julia Roberts played a battered spouse who runs away from her controlling husband. It was a straight ahead mystery/thriller with predictable results--she kills the crazy spouse.

I didn't get up until around 10AM this morning. Ended up back in bed around 3PM for a couple of hours. Seems that I need to sleep late in the mornings (I'm awake late reading usually) and again in the afternoon. Go with the flow!

4637

Acupressure session was great today! Leg is feeling a lot better. Had lunch with BH (cool minestrone, olives, spread, jicama and fruit, almonds, fish fillet and dessert medley). We watched The Usual Suspects. The film didn't measure up to the great films we've been watching. It became obvious with this viewing that the entire film was being portrayed as through the mind/eyes of the key character--not as it happened but as he wanted the police to believe it happened. It was confusing and not engaging--it left the viewer with the "surprise" at the end (which had been telegraphed throughout) that was not all that surprising. It's an OK film but not a great one.

Dreamed last night that I was participating in some kind of graduation or commencement ceremony. Everyone was wearing brown and black robes. Each group of us held onto a ribbon of material that had song lyrics stitched into the ribbon. As each group moved into place the people in the group sang the song that was on their ribbon. The rest of the group softly mouthed the lyrics of the song being sung. The whole event seemed fairly solemn, especially with the dark robes. But the songs were uplifting and pleasant. The entire scene was peaceful and loose.

Weather is muggy and warm. I'm ready for cooler weather! And a breakthrough! In what, I'm not so clear. But I'm ready for something more engaging--more engaging than me coping with symptoms and running around the same maze paths. Let there be change! Good change! Happy change!

4638

Went to a movement class today. Was able to walk over to the class fairly smoothly. Class torqued things a bit, but it feels alright tonight. Except for the heat! Turned really warm this afternoon (even before then). It's muggy and hot. Clammy and cooking!

Digestive system has been a little quirky. Woke up Tuesday with loose bowels and had a big movement. Looseness carried over into Wednesday. Things have firmed up and I think everything's back to normal. Will see as the night (and days) unfold.

Got a call from my daughter this afternoon. Her partner's car had died on the freeway. She was going to pick him up and asked me to look up a repair shop near where the car was stalled. I experienced some anxiety over being asked to help. I found a shop and a tow service after wobbling around quite a bit. I've noticed this anxiety coming up when I'm asked to make a decision--but this instance was very noticeable. I'm noticing that I'm relying on rituals and patterns, and am getting anxious when those patterns are disrupted--or even when there is a thought about disruption.

I need to break out of the boxes in which I've put myself! I need to think outside the boxes!

4640-4639

9/9/09--a simple set of numbers! And then, the clocks move on!

Went to two dance classes yesterday. Went to the PD exercise class today. Seem to be doing alright. Some minor stiffness and discomfort, but overall things are well. PD class was a little heavy feeling compared to the dance classes, but there is some information transfer with the PD class. It's just disconcerting to see how much some of the people have deteriorated. It's like watching a movie of how I'm going to be (and am becoming).

Will go to the movement class tomorrow. I also signed up for the CW line dance class that begins next Monday. Feels good to be dancing, moving and exercising. Feels better than not doing anything. Have to get back to walking some.

I've been thinking about how to get more active/proactive while I'm still on the light end of the symptom spectrum. The long term outlook is bleak. I'm feeling like I'm not doing what I can do now. I'm treading water waiting for the future arrive. I could be doing a lot more (even though I still seem to be slow and tired). I've definitely retreated and put myself in hibernation mode. I read a lot, watch many movies, eat, sleep (a lot), and manage to do some classes--but I could be doing more--need to be doing more. Somehow! Some way!

4641

Lunch with BH today--salad, jicama, broccoli, polenta, salmon, pear pie, fruit and cranberry juice. It was a feast! Watched a movie this afternoon--The Rain Man. I vaguely think that I saw the movie before, but it didn't seem so. It was like watching a nearly completely new movie. There were scenes that I absolutely didn't remember. Strange! Could I have seen the movie before but didn't register so much of it? The movie came out in 1988 or thereabouts. Lost in the fog!

Dreamed last night that I was with a consulting firm. We were putting together some training materials for a seminar. I was in charge of the project. I had written quite a bit of the material and a team of us was reviewing the draft and editing it for final production. It was a complex dream with very technical content. I was going to be the lead instructor so I was working hard to master the details.

I was feeling out of it today. I was feeling anxious and noticed that I had a breakout on my face. It's the sort of breakout I get when I'm stressed and probably had too much sugar. Dance/movement classes restart tomorrow. Hope I'm feeling well enough to go to them. Part of me wants to curl up in a ball, not go anywhere, and sleep. I need to get out and about. No matter how I feel!

4642

Somewhat cooler day! Things have cooled off more this evening.

Dreamed a triple of dreams last night. I dreamed I was in a cabin or old house. There was someone trying to break in. I could hear them walking around outside the place. At one point, whoever it was pushed open a sliding window or door and forced their way into the place. The intensity of the dream awoke me. When I realized that it was just a dream, I turned over and went back to sleep.

A second dream involved walking from the same cabin or house to a village center that was nearby. The center was a brightly lit strip mall that covered both sides of the main road through the village. There were dozens of shops and eating places along the strip. I had walked from the cabin to the center and had gone in a bistro. I had ordered a glass of house wine. The bartender or waitress was not very friendly. I was served the drink but was given the impression that I didn't fit well with their regular clientele. I got the feeling that I couldn't afford to eat and drink in the places there. My house wine was really expensive. I finished the wine, paid for it and walked back to the cabin.

A third dream involved the creation of a toy that used mathematics. There were like rods of colored light, each of which was made up of units that snapped together. The rods were floating around on a screen. The game play involved picking two colored rods that had a mathematical relationship to each other. For example, there might be a rod of 6 units and one of 3 units. Picking the 3 unit rod and then choosing the 6 unit rod would cause the 6 unit rod to break into two 3 unit rods. Then, the original 3 unit rod and one of the newly formed 3 unit rods would disappear, leaving just a 3 unit rod on the screen. The game was bright and colorful, and was enjoyable to play and watch as the chosen rods interacted.

Picked up some new books today and a couple of movies. One, Urban Cowboy, I watched this afternoon. I had never seen it I believe. There were some scenes that seemed familiar, but it was like a new movie for the most part. Good film! Nothing monumental, but enjoyable! It was fun to hear all the CW music and see the scenes at Gilley's in Houston. I went to Gilley's once when I worked in and out of Houston. It is this huge dance hall and saloon that covers acres of land. It was much bigger than the Saddle Rack here in SJ.

Labor Day in the morrow! Does labor get off on Labor Day? We shall see!

4643

I got fooled by an Internet article. The Onion's spoof of Neil Armstrong's "renunciation" was picked up and played like it was a real story. I ran across one such article and took it for legitimate copy. Got me! And probably a few others. I must remember--never believe anything on the Internet at first blush. Do the research!

Watched a frightening film by Roman Polanski called Repulsion. It was a dreary, grinding film about a woman's slide into insanity. The film was well done but hard to watch. I don't think I've seen any other of his films except Rosemary's Baby--which I remember only half watching because it was so grotesque. His life story is a saga in its own right.

Cool today (almost cold this morning). I got up this morning (with the help of the neighbors) and went back to sleep until about 2PM. I then managed to get up and out for a while and ponder some regarding my living situation. Have to seriously think about moving somewhere/some place. Started looking at PA's subsidized rental options. Keeping an eye/ear tuned to various options. Will see/hear what develops.

Realized today (through some kind of mental reconnection) that I had met Steve Chu, the US secretary of energy. It was when he was here at Stanford and was married to his first wife. It was before he won the Nobel. I went to a couple of gatherings at his house on campus. Small world!

4644

Neil Armstrong denies that he was on the moon! Perhaps he should check out the status of his neurotransmitters. It's one thing to be an ordinary person and have doubts that something like the moon voyage never happened. But it's another thing to have been the person who made such a voyage and say that it was a hoax. How could he have possibly been fooled into thinking he was experiencing zero gravity. The world is getting stranger every day.

Fortunately, I made a landing at BH's today for a tasty lunch (salad, frittata with fava beans and other delectables, spicy sausage, fruit and cranberry juice). GH and I watched Dreyer's Passion of Joan of Arc. It was done in the 20s as a silent film. It is extraordinary! Hundreds of edits and cuts that made the piece dynamic and spellbinding. Dreyer had his final cut destroyed and he had to recreate the film from the materials he had left over from his initial edit. The film disappeared until a copy was discovered in a mental institution (would be interesting to know how it ended up there). The film's set was very expensive but because of Dreyer's use of so many closeups the set was barely seen. The actors used no makeup since Dreyer wanted to show the details of their faces.

Today was cooler thank goodness! A relief to not be in the heat!

4645

Heat again! Another scorching hot day! Global warming is upon us! The glaciers are melting! Ice caps are turning into ice cups. Heat, heat, heat!

Got an acupressure session today. It left me energized despite the warm weather. Did my laundry, dropped off some DVDs and picked up some new ones. Watched the Usual Suspects tonight. Great movie. I've seen it before, but it still entertains.

Dreamed last night that I was assembling a large drawing of some object or process. The project required that I mind map dozens of ideas and topics onto a large sheet of paper--making connections between different concepts. It was an absorbing task and I worked on it a long time. A second part of the dream involved making my way across a complex of buildings, fields and roads to a particular destination. I had been in this dream scene before so I took off quickly. Someone was traveling with me and I was showing him the way. Almost immediately, I found I had led us up to a high point that was difficult to traverse. I had to backtrack in order for us to get across an area that we had to travel. This part of the dream was somewhat frustrating. The initial dream stage of making the large drawing was fun and enjoyable.

Waiting for everything to cool down some. I'm a little tired but it's still too warm to go to bed. Soon, soon!

4646

Turned warm today! I ended up sleeping a lot. Didn't want to get up in the morning. Finally did so and had some breakfast. Then, I went back to sleep until the heat woke me.

Got a notice from my landlords today. They've raised the rent by $50 per month. Only a 5% increase, but portends the future. They didn't increase my rent back in March so they gave me a bit of a break. But, as I say, the future looms. I need to start a search for someplace less expensive. The time has come, the walrus sez!

Watched a French film called The Vanishing. It was a good mystery story centered around a sociopath and his whacked out thoughts. The film bogged down a bit in the middle but came to a final, but not happy, conclusion.

Have an acupressure session in the morrow! And probably a trek to the laundromat. Ah, life!

4647

Went to PD dance class today. Procrastinated when I woke up and only made it to class at the last minute. Had trouble falling asleep last night. I was wound up for some reason.

Class went well. I'm a little kinked up from the dancing, but nothing major. I was careful to not torque things too much. Came back a little tired--from not sleeping last night and the tension of going to class. Class was full. A lot of people showed up.

Watched a couple of videos of two Saroyan plays--Around the Block and My Heart's in the Highlands. It was interesting to see the performances, but the pieces came across as dated. Actors were Walter Matthieu, Orson Bean, Larry Hagman and others in their younger days.

Haven't tried calling the caregiver job I mentioned yesterday. I've been mulling it over first. I'm not feeling all that sure about my stamina and I worry about the transition involved. I need to do something, but this may not be the right thing to do now.

I was ravenous after going to class today. I was craving a juicy hamburger! So I got one at CQ! It was delicious!