5108

Saw my PCP today. Good check in! I now weigh about 160 pounds--have regained nearly 20 pounds. Told him about the soreness in my upper arms. He suggested that I do some muscle tension/stretching exercises using a rubber cord. He said that such soreness is a common symptom associated with the PD. Exercise/movement does seem to help.

Dreamed last night, but lost the details upon waking. I seem to remember that the dream was convoluted and had a sense of tension.

Had lunch at Amber's Indian cafe today. It was crowded. Food was great!

Haven't napped any today. Feeling a little buzzy tonight. Have an acupressure session in the morning and lunch at GH's/BH's.

Still reverberating some from yesterday's PD exercise class. The experience of being with a bunch of people with more advanced PD symptoms was an eye-opener! It gave me a lot to think about!

5109

Had a disjointed dream last night. I was in a rural area and was looking for a lake. I was with two women, who were wearing high heels and were having problems navigating the trails. We were wandering around, taking different routes, but never finding the lake we wanted. There was also a scene in a high school sports building. People from the area were sitting on folding chairs that ringed the room. Some of the people had rifles and shotguns. They were loading the weapons as they sat in the chairs. I was concerned--I didn't have a good feeling about what they were going to do with the weapons. I awoke myself from the dream.

Good news and some not so good news. I went to the PD exercise class today. The good news is that I went and that I learned some of the things to do. The not so good news is that I saw a room full of people who had PD and were having great difficulty moving, standing, sitting, walking, and so forth--a portent of what I can expect for myself?

More than half of the people came with helpers. They wouldn't have been there without their partners! More of what I can expect? It was disconcerting to see what might be what I'll be doing someday.

I'm feeling a lot of uncertainty after today's experience. I will go back--I have a lot to learn--but I don't like encountering my possible futures. But, I'll go back!

5111-5110

Dreamed over the last few nights, but don't recall many details. I know I woke up in both dream sequences and was aware of dreaming. Waited too long to keep the details in mind. Will dream again!

Reading two spiritual memoirs--When My Fear Falls Away by Jan Frazier and In the House of My Fear by Joel Agee. Interesting that both speak of fear within the context of experiencing a spiritual breakthrough.

Frazier's book is written as a journal format and recounts her feelings and sensations associated with her being in a state of continuous joy--which she realizes she can switch on and off with her attention. It is a diary of her experiences after she has had the spiritual break.

Agee's book is (so far--I'm still reading just its beginnings) is more of an autobiography and begins with his adventures as a young man who is exploring the world. Don't know when it gets to his spiritual experiences versus his formative escapades.

Yesterday, had lunch at GH's/BH's. I helped GH replace his DVD player. It was a simple task once we took out all of the old stuff (sound system, old DVD player and associated rat's nest of wiring). There was some mystery about how to control the new DVD through the VCR, but we figured it out. It was a fun technopuzzle!

Tomorrow I begin the PD exercise class at the PD Institute. Looking forward to what I will be doing there and what I can learn. Still haven't gotten back to doing a daily walk or even walking three day's each week.

Went by the Obama offices today and picked up an Obama yard sign for L. Person at front desk was a person I hadn't seen in probably 20 years or more. Surprise! It's a small world! My face recognition brainware still works! Amazing what the brain stores and does!

5112

Dream last night that I was with a group of four other people (2 men and 2 women). We were distributing materials on five different subjects. I'm not sure what the five topics were. There was some confusion when the various packets were being distributed.

The dream took place in a theater. There was a balcony and people were sitting everywhere. I feel like I had been in a dream with the other four people before. I seemed to notice this fact while the dream was playing out, but I couldn't pinpoint what we had done together in the previous dream(s).

Didn't take an anti-anxiety tablet today. I think I'm feeling some slight effects of having done so, but believe it will pass quickly. Slept in today. Got to sleep late last night--read into the early morning hours.

Mars probe landed safely! Incredible feat! Will be interesting to see what data it reports.

5114-5113

On Thursday night, I dreamed that I was on a military ship. I was one of the new recruits. We were assigned to do all the low-level jobs on board the ship. It was a detailed dream involving many other people. I spent part of my off hours playing cards with some of the troops. We made port on some island and had shore leave. I remember being in a bar where a fight broke out.

On Friday night, I dreamed that I was with a group of people that I had been with in some previous dream. We were at an airport and were all going to fly out to various locations. In one part of the dream, I was sitting up front with the pilot. We were taking off and banking away from the city. The clouds were bright and colorful. The view was open and clear. It was exhilarating!

Had a good day. Went to breakfast at a local cafe. Had french toast, egg and sausage. Was delicious. Had a soup for dinner. Ran some errands. Napped a short time in the afternoon. Took my final anxiety pill this morning. Will not take any more starting tomorrow.

Feeling well today. Have felt well all week for the most part. Grabbed a haircut today. Shaved using a razor for the first time in several months (My arms were too weak to draw the razor across my cheeks). My strength is returning. It feels great!

Reading a biography of a woman who had a spontaneous experience where all of her fears went neutral. She was having biopsies for possible cancers and was experiencing anxiety. One night before a next-day biopsy, she asked that her fears and anxieties be different. She felt a shift in her being that changed how she felt about her life, death and existence--one that persisted. It's an interesting story. She kept a journal that was used to create the printed form of the biography. I also have another similar biography that I haven't started reading.

Had lunch on Friday with GH and BH. She had made a tasty soup--was delicious! My appetite is definitely on the increase. I ate a lot today! May the tasting continue!

5115

I'm remembering dreams again! Stopping the sleep medication has allowed me to remember my dreams. The dreams have been very lucid, detailed and memorable over the past few days.

One dream was fairly dark and scary. I was with a group of young people and we were being taken on a trek by an older man. The man was strange and I became frightened about what he was going to do to us. At one point, he came up to me and whispered, "Everyone has to die!" I was so deep in the dream that I was thinking it was real. I suddenly realized I was dreaming, awoke myself and got out of the dream.

A second dream involved my daughter. She was being abducted by someone and I was trying to trace her and get her back. I was on a plane and was hooked up to the Internet doing searches and communications. There was a whole segment of the dream that involved getting hooked up to the web. There was some problems and everything became chaotic. I woke myself from the dream.

Another dream involved me making a display panel. The panel was a device that could be used to showcase a product. There were scenes of me working on the panel at two different research facilities. There were other people in the dream and some interaction with them regarding the panel design and development.

In one dream, I witnessed an automobile crash. There were two cars that were drag racing. One of them went off the shoulder and rolled over. I called 911 and the person who answered knew that the accident was near a police station--which he thought was funny.

There were many other dream fragments over the past four nights. The good news is that I'm remembering my dreams again.

Friend P dropped by today. We went for lunch at Amber's Indian food place. Got calls from RM and LL today. Feeling good! Got a little buzzy in the late afternoon. Took a short nap. That helped.

5123-5116

Winds are a-blowing! Windy city! But it has cooled down--high temperatures are gone for now.

I stopped taking my sleep medication a few days ago, and have only taken one-half of my anxiety pills as well. I feel a whole lot better--not as foggy or funky feeling. Will also stop taking all of the anxiety pills next week--will be taking just my PD meds.

I've been sleeping well without the sleep pills--I awaken feeling more rested and more awake. I'll be starting a PD exercise class next week. Have not been getting in my daily walks, but plan on restarting that activity.

Got my IRS incentive check. Will deposit it quickly in case Bush changes his mind!

Lunch at GH's and BH's today. On Monday they made a hearty lunch. We then watched an Iranian film called 10. It has 10 scenes of an Iranian women and several of her relatives talking as they drive around the city. It's a raw engaging film.

MA came by and cleaned the apartment on Sunday. I'm feeling good and positive! Oh, yeah!

5124

Hot! HOT! HOT! Weather headed into the heat zone for the next few days. Droughts, typhoons, earth quakes, and tornadoes! Slept in today while it was still cool. Afternoon temperatures have zoomed into the stratosphere!

Hillary wins in West Virginia--prolonging the battle! Next week should bring more closure.

Didn't get out today. Not going to GH's tomorrow. Will do laundry and get out some.

Managed to juggle some today--first time in several years. Actually could keep the balls in the air for more than a few cycles. Guess my motor controls are improving. Still feeling like I'm fogged up, but juggling is a step forward. A good sign!

Reading some at night. Interesting stories by an Asian author set in Edo during the end of the feudal period. Amazing glimpse at life during those times.

5130-5125

Saw one of my doctors today--the psychiatrist. Nothing major to report. Told him about my feelings of being on a plateau--of not feeling like I was breaking through. He encouraged me to set some goals/targets, and start doing something measurable/structured. He pointed out that having a lot of free time can lead to procrastination--with which I am adept.

Went to GH's and BH's for lunch (tasty feast). We watched a video of a Pinter play, No Man's Land, with Ralph Richardson and John Gielgud. Extraordinary dialog and riveting portrayals! I found the video on the web and watched the final few minutes (which was dropped on GH's copy). Gielgud delivers a final statement where he pleads his case to be made Richardson's assistant. Incredible! Was a delight!

Day is winding down. Evening sounds ripple through the apartment. Weather warming! Awaiting the coolness of the night!

5142-5131

Happy Cinco de Mayo! (Or Seis de Mayo to be accurate). I've not posted anything for over a week. Not sure why! I've been sleeping and resting a lot--coasting!

Indiana and North Carolina results coming in--Hillary gets IN and Obama gets NC. The juggling goes on!

Been going to GH's and BH's for lunch on Mon/Wed/Fri. Watched a movie there yesterday--Arizona Dream. It was a quirky film that was worth watching. Last week we watched a video called Home--with Ralph Richardson and John Gielgud. GH has a library full of old films and videos. Lunches are delicious. It's been a treat to get their assistance and support.

I've been doing OK, but have not gotten to a place where I feel "normal"--I continue to experience an overall fog and dislocation. I keep thinking it's going to shift, and it has slightly.

Took my truck in for a smog check today--it passed! Picked up a collection of books from the library.

Went to an open house at the PD Institute last week. Will start going to their exercise class on 5/28. Maybe that will kick start my system. They have a lot going on at that facility.