5258

Sleepless in Palo Alto! I've copied in an email message to Rebecca and her reply. Happy 2008 to all.

My Note
*******************
Hi Rebecca--
Nearly the same late night/ early morning pattern... Had a cup of CALM ES around 8pm... Went to bed around 9:30pm... read for an hour... and started getting more alert... took a dose of flower remedy around 11pm... read some more and nodded off... turned out the light and fell asleep briefly... woke up around 12:30am... Managed to get back to sleep after a while... woke up around 4am with acute shaking... tossed, turned, and got a few minutes of sleep between 4 and 7am when I got up for good...

Shaking at 4am (and for the next 3 hours) was acute... upper arms and shoulders felt tense, numb, and not moving well... hands and forearms tingly and numb feeling... couldn't lay still--had to keep getting up and moving about... Shaking eased up a fair amount after I took a hot shower--not enough energy to do my morning exercises... Waiting now for breakfast to report in (banana, nuts and yogurt)... Starting to shake some as I write this note on the computer...

I still have two doses of Ativan... I'm thinking about taking a dose later today to get some relief (hopefully!)... Should I keep taking CALM and flowers--they don't seem to be affecting things that much? All for now! Ciao!
***************
R's Note Back
***************

Hi Ramon,

Yes, stay on the Flowers. There effect isn't instantaneous. I noticed a shift after about a week. My husband just reported noticing a shift and he has been on his for about a week. The shift is subtle, but real. My husband just remarked to me this morning that he had a thought this morning that he would like to do a particular thing. Then he thought, "that's strange, I have never done that or wanted to do that before." It was an out of character inclination, but one that was good for him. My personal experience was similar. I woke up one day knowing how to solve a problem I had been stuck about for years, and this is very significant for me because I am a very good problem solver in general, but this issue was one I had emotional blocks about. I simply woke up one day and the block was gone and the answer was clear. It was very much a WOW experience for me. I attributed it to the effect of my flower remedy because that was the only thing that had changed.

How much CALM are you using in each dose you take? I am assuming you are using a set of standard measuring spoons as used for cooking.

Try using 3/4 teaspoon. If you are already using that much, go to a full level teaspoon. Keep using it every 4 hours while awake.

If you decide to try the ativan again to get some relief and sleep at night, try breaking it in half. Use the smallest possible dose to get the effect you need.

As soon as possible, I suggest you experiment by taking all dairy, and fruit out of your diet and use no grains except small amounts of brown rice. Eat primarily vegetables (not primarily rice) with olive or coconut oil. For convenience, you can get veggies all cut up and ready to steam or stir fry at Trader Joes. They have them both frozen in bags where you can shake out the amount you want, and they have them all cut and washed and bagged in the fresh veggie section. They have cans of organic beans which you can add to your mix.

You may need to advertise on Craigs list for a personal assistant who will shop for you a couple times a week and perhaps come in and cook if cooking is hard for you now. That person might put together a big pot of vegetable bean soup so it could be in the fridge and you could take out a serving and heat it up as needed. Or, maybe you can accomplish that yourself when the calm period comes in the evening. If you find such a person I will be happy to talk with them if you want me to.

I really have a hunch that if you stopped the dairy and all the sugar sources (fruit, dried fruit, cereal) that you might have a significant drop in these annoying, debilitating symptoms. I think you would start to notice a change pretty quickly and a very significant change after about a week.

Remember way back when you came to see me and had learned to control your tremor by accessing your heart, but that day your tremor was very active and you could not stop it. I said, "what have you eaten today?" It turned out it was all largely sugar based - both your breakfast and your lunch, plus you had walked in with a very large bottle of some healthy looking Odwalla drink which I examined and did the math calculation on the sugars and found it contained some huge number of teaspoons of sugar. I pointed out that you were sending your blood sugar soaring which is a state of emergency to your body. Your adrenals get triggered and adrenaline is released. If you are getting hyperglycemic from the sugars in your foods, you are then likely pumping out too much insulin and then getting hypoglycemic - another emergency leading to more adrenaline release. Hypoglycemia will make you shake too. In the event you are eating things that you have sensitivities or outright allergies to, then you are also triggering your adrenals and your immune system as well. You would have your whole body in a state of emergency, adrenaline pumping. Of course you will be unable to sleep. Of course you will be anxious. You see how much can be going on here? You see why I am urging you to put an immediate halt to your current way of eating to test out this possibility?

"Way back when," you tested my theory the very next day and had immediate positive results. Your symptoms calmed down that very day, and on the second day of your experiment you had to go to some meeting, maybe you had a presentation. It was the kind of thing that would ordinarily be a stressor and lead to shaking, but you had changed your diet and had hardly any symptoms at all!

Ramon, you have been doing REALLY WELL up until you got pushed over the edge by something. I don't think the something is advancing PD. I think it is very likely dietary.

You might want to consider using ClearVite. I think you used this before. Did you do the ClearVite program back when we started doing nutritional work?

ClearVite has 12 grams of protein per scoop. That scoop is 25% protein (rice based) and the other 75% is all nutritional supplements that support liver detox and gut healing. It also includes probiotics. You can mix it up with water or rice milk or in green tea (to get the added antioxidants of the green tea). It now comes in a chocolate flavored version as well as the original version. It is an easy way to get protein and nutrients on board. You can add coconut oil to it, or you can dissolve coconut oil in some warm water and drink that to boost your calories.

You have been living on a largely fruit and dairy diet for a long time. Make a drastic shift from this to healthy, antioxidant rich, nutrient dense low glycemic veggies and I think you stand a good chance of getting some rapid changes for the better.

Hey, remember, this isn't forever!! I suspect you are just way out of balance and we need extreme measures to get the balance back and let healing have a chance. Then some of these foods you love can likely come back, but in a proper mix with other things.

If you want clearvite I can have that in the mail to you right away as soon as you give the word.

Okay, that's my best at the moment and I hope it helps!

5259

Had two servings of CALM ES yesterday (2pm and 6pm) and a dose of the Flower Remedy (8pm). Tried going to sleep around 10:30pm. Had trouble falling asleep--in fact was wide awake (felt calm but was shaking a lot). Finally fell asleep but woke up just after midnight. Went back to sleep (1am) and awoke again around 4am with shaking. Tried to go back to sleep, but finally got up and poured a cup of warm water to see if that settles things down. Feeling wide awake. Will try and lie down after drinking the water. I don't feel all that anxious, but I'm concerned about the shaking (which is a bit less if I'm not lying down) and the lack of good sleep.

I'll brew up some more CALM ES around 7am and do a dose of flowers around 9am.

Warm glass of water around 6am helped me get about another hour of sleep. Got up and brewed a cup of CALM ES and had breakfast (cereal, banana, fruit, nuts, milk). Things seemed to quiet a bit, but still felt jittery and shaky. Took the flower remedy around 9am and things seemed to quiet slightly. Began to feel more anxious around 11am and took another CALM ES. Quieted some and had lunch (lentil soup and wheat crackers). Took a flower remedy around 1pm. Things quieted some and I catnapped for about 20 minutes around 2pm. Woke up with shaking. Will do another CALM ES around 3pm and a 3rd flower remedy around 5pm. Will have a snack (nuts or chocolate milk) around 4pm and dinner around 6pm (fruit and yogurt or more lentil soup). That should put me into my daily "grace" period (when things quiet down before going to bed--had such a period last night before the wakefulness set in). Will do another CALM ES before bed when it seems time to do so.

The above represents many snap shots of this morning/early afternoon instances. It doesn't reflect the minute-by-minute discomfort/distracted time I'm spending when things are not quiet (not quiet is about 90% of the time). I'm feeling really dysfunctional--I'm going to need some kind of assistance. I'm really bummed out!

Now in a somewhat grace period. Had dinner (soup) and it isn't seeming to cause problems. Rebecca wants to do more testing and put together a Pulse Test survey. I think I need to do an intestinal rebuild a la the Guts and Glory book/protocols--but I'll need help--so I've got to find some, soon! Need to get off the computer--it's helping create some of the chaos I'm experiencing! Crap!

5260

Rebecca sent me a package with a flower remedy and a Chinese anxiety remedy. I wrote her the following note:

*******************
Hi Rebecca--
The package arrived today. Thank you for getting it out to me so quickly.

I made a cup of tea with the CALM ES powder and drank it. It tastes fine without adding honey. Too soon to report definite results--will have at least one or more cups before going to sleep tonight. Hopefully, will get a good night's sleep--that would be wonderful.

Will add the flower remedy into the mix starting tomorrow and see how that affects everything. I have a spare saliva test kit, when we decide to do another test. Let's see what the CALM ES and flower remedy do for starters and then make that decision. I think there is a dietary connection involved--I'll need to try dropping/adding foods and see what happens regarding anxiety levels--what a process!

Thanx for the links to guided imagery person--I'll check it out (although I'm starting to wonder about being in front of the computer--I'm having difficulty being able to sit here--I have to move away more and more it seems).
*******************

So, I'm in test mode right now. I've actually been fairly quiet today--but not the complex. New people moving in and some construction work being done. Didn't nap today or even rest that much. Didn't sleep well last night--woke up around 4am again--tossed/turned until about 7am. Will see if the anti-anxiety powder does its thing tonight--might not be anxiety although not sleeping is causing some.

Dreamed last night--an unusual dream. Dreamed I was dreaming that I was ill, woke up and I was well. The illness only existed in the dream state. Hmmmm! I could feel the shift from ill to healthy as I awoke (in the dream) and arose.

There was a second dream that had to do with a caravan of teenagers. They were pulling their cavalcade into a driveway where they were going to unload things. There was some confusion about why they were there. A very detailed dream!

So I'm down the road with Chinese powders and flower power! Is true about being in front of the computer--I can only take so much.

Grace period got shuffled around tonight--not as distinct as usual.

5261

Feeling a bit of grace period right now so thought I'd post for the day. Didn't sleep much last night. After falling asleep around 10:30pm, awoke at midnight. Managed to get back to sleep then and awoke again around 4am. Couldn't get back to sleep--tossed and turned until I got up around 7am. Couple of short naps today--that's it!

Managed to write checks for my bills (not an easy task anymore--hands and pens don't work well together now. Went out to mail them, change library books, shop and gas the truck--and that was it for the day! Not driving all that well--good that I didn't try and go to SC today.

I'm definitely experiencing a lot of anxiety. Spent most of the day thinking calming thoughts. Worked to some degree. Waiting for the magical Chinese remedy to arrive. I noticed today how one stray negative thought can trigger a whole burst of symptoms (shaking, feeling tight, cogfog, etc.). Happens in an instant. Also noticed the moment when a symptom clears--feels so good.

I feel like I'm in some new phase of the recovery process--a testing phase, a challenging phase. Just hope I'm up to the tasks. It's like a logjam of issues have accumulated, which is adding to the overwhelm. If I can manage to unjam a few items, perhaps the rest will let go as well. But I need some good sleep. I'm starting to run a deficit and that's not working.

Dreamed last night (despite the short sleep), but lost the content in the shuffle. They were interesting that's all I remember. Here's to a good night's slumber!

5262

Had an acupressure session this morning and spoke with a neurologist this afternoon. Awoke around 4am and couldn't stop the shaking so I might fall back to sleep--bummer! Finally got up and boiled some water, drank a cup, and was able to sleep a bit more. At 7am I gave up, turned on all the heaters and got up.

Here's what the neuro had to say --

The neuro said that he thought I was in good shape vis-a-vis the progression of the illness. In fact, he said he wouldn't strongly recommend using Western medications at this stage. As for the anxiety, he said that was out of his domain, that I should talk with my PCP, and see if he suggests talking to the psyche people regarding interventions--although he said he wouldn't recommend dealing with PD by using Western anti-anxiety drugs. He said he couldn't comment on the use of a nonaddicting Chinese anti-anxiety remedy.

He queried me as to the root cause of the anxiety--I didn't have a good answer--everything's making me anxious. I know it's a self-propelling mechanism--I just want to break into the cycle, disrupt the mechanism, and get back on track. If the Chinese remedy can do that, I want to try it.

He did the range of regular PD testings. He resolved my feeling of getting weaker to be more about stamina than power or force. No suggestions as to what to do other than having my PCP do his exams and see if it's related to diet/assimilation. I can't see the PCP until 1/11/08.

He had heard of the PDRecovery Project. I told him about the website.

All for now! Back to pondering the root causes of this anxiety episode. In the acupressure session this morning, all was still for about half the session--then the tremor kicked in and wouldn't let up. Is a puzzlement!

Having a bit of a grace period now. Feeling tired, jittery, but not sleepy.

5263

Slept last night! Still awoke early, but slept through until then. The ativan quieted me down and let me relax. Awoke though with shaking and a load of cognitive fog. Did my laundry. Didn't take any more ativan today--didn't want to unless I had to do so. Still experiencing anxiety, but not as intense as yesterday.

Have acupressure session in the morning and a meeting with the neurologist in the afternoon. He'll review where we are and we'll go from there. I'm still shaking, have anxiety, and feel weak. I'll probably see my PCP soon to deal with the body/food issues.

I canceled a session with Rebecca on Friday. I'm uncomfortable driving over to SC and back feeling how I feel. Until I feel OK about driving that route/distance, I'll have to figure out some other way of getting there. There is a bus, but it would take forever. Having someone drive me is impractical. Teleportation! That would be nice!

I feel like I'm at a junction point in this whole process. I've been at it for two years. Two roads diverged in a yellow wood--I memorized that poem after overhearing a couple discussing whether it was a yellow wood or not. Turns out that it's mentioned twice in the poem--once with yellow and once without a color attribute. The things we put in our brains!

Tonight has seen a bit of the evening grace period--I can still get quiet! Not yet quiet enough it seems, but a stillness all the same. Time to fly!

5264

Oh, what a difference a little white pill makes! I took myself to urgent care this afternoon. I complained of anxiety and feeling weak. They did an exam, drew some blood (which looked normal across the board), and gave me a tiny crumb of a pill--Ativan. Anxiety blew away like a cloud and tremor eased. I started feeling hungry--which I have not been feeling. They gave me a couple more doses for tomorrow or whenever the anxiety reappears. He encouraged me to schedule an appointment with my PCP and go on from there.

These few hours have been like day and night! The stuff is addictive and is on the no-no list of the recovery group. Will see how I sleep tonight--hopefully well--and can go from there. I don't have enough to throw things off track--in fact, it threw things back on track. We shall see said the glow worm!

What drove me to the clinic was the anxiety--I couldn't handle any more of its burning its way through my brain. I was becoming paralyzed by the circular forces--tremor and anxiety, anxiety and tremor, anxiety and weakness, weakness and anxiety, things that need doing and anxiety, and anxiety and things to be done.

I'm still shaking some, but at a much lower level. I'm having quiet spaces and I nodded off to sleep a little while ago. My appetite returneth! All with a tiny pill--a pharmaceutical crumb.

People in urgent care were great! Really felt looked after. So, a merry Xmas to all and to all a good night! May we all sleep well and deep!

5266-5265

Merry solstice and happy Xmas eve! The beat goes on and it's not pleasant. Tremor is up and sleep is down--plus energy levels are low. Been eating a variety of foods, but nothing has kicked the energy switch back on. Aside from a lot of shaking, I'm feeling weak and wimpy.

Still not getting complete sleep either, which is helping fuel the turmoil. Tremor creates anxiety and anxiety creates the tremor, plus food/energy issues--an more! Just discovered that the landlords are offering a unit in the complex for nearly $1,100! That's $275 more than I paid for my first year, and $225 more than I'm now paying! Expect to get hit with an increase after the first of the year--how much is the question! I'm not in any shape to relocate, but may have to do so. More uncertainties! More anxiety!

If I were moderately functional, it would not be such a big deal--but I'm drifting further away from functionality and well being. More anxiety and more shaking! Deep breaths aren't working like they once did.

Dreamed somewhere over the past two nights about being in a quiz show. It was a trivia-based game show and I was one of the contestants. The hostess was some kind of android. She was posturing in front of the cameras while we waited for the show to start. There was an excitement building. It seemed like it was going to be a lot of fun.

L dropped by last night with a care package of various soups. She thought that miso soup might kickstart my digestive tract. Big bowl of it helped me fall asleep for a couple of hours--but no new data regarding energy/assimilation connections. More input with less output and no kickstarting activities.

So merry Xmas to all and to all a good night--may I sleep well and dream the dream of dreams!

5267

Energy-wise, a slightly improved day! Again, nothing monumental, but a slight improvement over the past few days. Tremor still active and I woke up around 4am from the shaking. Grace period still in effect around this time in the evening.

I've been grazing a bit more between meals to try and help my system assimilate better--no huge amounts of things. We shall see! Keeping warm, which does help some.

Winter solstice! Days begin to get longer--good news. This energy-level issue has made me aware of a significant fact--when I start recovering my energy, not to waste it on frivolous things. I've seen the light and it is clear! It's been an information-rich two years--that I plan on being useful as days unfold.

I'm sure I dreamed last night, but long gone in the early morning mists. Happy solstice to all and to all a good night!

5268

Good session with the chiropractor--he aligned me and I could feel the difference. Every little bit helps. Shaking starts any time I sit or try to relax. Still getting a grace period tonight--but I also just nodded off for 1.5 hours. Must have been ready to sleep. I fixed a smoothie for dinner, drank it and nodded off--so much for an energy drink, but I'll take the sleep. Energy is up slightly!

Getting cool tonight! Around freezing! I've had the heaters running all afternoon. I was foggy today--dull and not thinking clearly--until I had lunch (tuna and avocado sandwich) and the smoothie. A glass of chocolate milk in mid-afternoon didn't do much for me one way or the other--may have put me back in the fog.

Lots of people out and about today along with traffic--ho, ho, ho! Xmas shoppers galore! I didn't manage to do anything this year--don't remember what I did last year. Will I remember to doing something in 2008? Who knows?

Awoke this morning around 5am! Tossed/turned for a couple of hours before getting up. Dreamed last night about being in a house. A convoluted dream about living there and how to navigate the area. For example, to get to town, I walked out of our yard, through a neighbor's house, out their back door, and into town. The neighbor let me do it, but didn't want to let his wife know I was taking that route. I believe there were other dreams as well. Dream on!

5269

Today went a teensy bit better--nothing miraculous, but somewhat better. I ate lunch at the Bombay Cafe--I wanted some Indian food. It was not as good as DeeDee's, but DeeDee's is over for now. They say it'll take them a couple of months to relocate and reopen. Long time between meals!

Slept OK last night, but still awoke early--shaking! Slept for two short times today. Rested a lot, but energy levels are low. Hoping that floral essence supplement that Rebecca is sending my way remedies this issue. I'm struggling to keep everything going (dental, exercise, food issues, resting, meditating, eliminating, grooming--just all the basics). I can't seem to break through the denseness that has settled around me--no matter what I do. The load keeps accumulating instead of lightening.

Moan, moan, mumble, groan! But today was slightly better--let's pray it's a trend! See the chiropractor tomorrow--one last session for this year. Guys from the men's team are checking in--good to hear from them! May all beings be well!

5270

Slept fairly well last night--almost usual sleep pattern. Woke up early and went ahead and got up rather than tossing/turning. Dreamsville last night! Three dream sequences that just kept on playing out.

One dealt with a small commuter train. It was in a section of town that had a bunch of music places along with cafes and bars. I wanted to catch a connecting train, but was having trouble figuring out where to leave the commuter train. I kept getting off and discovering that there was no connecting station nearby. One of the passengers on the commuter train gave me some suggestions and I finally made it onto a connecting line.

A second sequence involved being at a meeting of a start up company that had just been bought by NASA. The announcement was made and there was a lot of celebration. There were speeches by the CEO and others. It was a very upbeat dream.

A third dream is not as memorable. It had something to do with a woman for whom I worked. There was something about a task that I was doing and my interactions with her regarding the work being done. Might have been triggered by me getting the link to my ex-wife's new web site (tyobrien.com) that I said I'd review and test.

Felt a little better today--realize that I've seemed to be experiencing being extra weak for some reason. I feel like I have to rest more--which would be difficult to do given how much I'm already doing! Getting a small grace period tonight--and noticing that I'm starting to tire already. Sleep! Knits up the sleeve of care! May it be so!

Guys from the men's team starting to check in--good to hear from them. It's been a while!

5271

Went to Gentle Dental today! They were gentle, but filled with challenging tasks--they suggest that I do a hygiene protocol three times a day! The protocol involves using a water jet, brushing, proxabrush tools, flossing, water jetting again, brushing again, and rinsing with an antiseptic mouthwash! A non-trivial amount of time! I can see their rationale--aggressive battling of the elements that prolong gum disease (and possibly H-pylori).

I managed to do most of the protocol three times today--remiss on flossing--need a special flossing tool that I'll get tomorrow.

Tremor was still active today--somewhat less--but I got up at 6am to get to the dentist by 8am. Day was a jumble--slept here and there, ate lunch (something larger than normal--soup and sandwich). Saw a woman at lunch who probably has PD--her hands/arms were flying around as she drank a cup of coffee. My shaking is mild when compared to what she was doing. It's all relative!

What's been happening to me over the past few weeks (and especially over the past few days) is a feeling of heaviness in my arms combined with a pressure--as if my upper right arm is being pushed into my body. The activity produces a restless feeling that permeates my whole being and won't let me relax.

Right now, I'm in my evening grace period--relatively quiet--but heaviness in my arms. I just spoke with RB. I freaked him out when I told him what I'm experiencing--I must sound like a basket case--and in some respects I am. I came away from the dentist this morning feeling heavy and dense--overwhelmed by what I need to be doing--not just with my teeth but with my whole being.

It's been a rough couple of weeks--roughest in a while. Have to hold onto the belief that it'll get better--somehow or someway! It was good to have my grace period back tonight. I cancelled a dinner with PG and put off meeting with RB so I could restore some... Doing so did help--although it was more isolation. Will see how sleep goes tonight--back to normal I trust!

5272

Difficult days! Spent the day putting the calm to anxiety-driven shaking. Managed to manage most of it, but it's taking a lot of attention. Didn't sleep well last night, which aggravates things even more. I'm starting to wake up really early--5am--and the tremor starts shortly afterwards.

Ah, for the good old days (and nights) without a constant shaking! Never thought I'd think that thought.

Have a really early dental appointment in the morrow--8am! I should be awake based on recent events. Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to Gentle Dental I go!

I choose relaxation over tension! I choose calmness over anxiety! I choose to be healthy and filled with the healing light! Yes, I do! I do!

5273

Well, I've figured out that my strong symptoms are not being fully triggered by cold weather--it's some activation of my adrenal system that's causing anxiety. I stayed bundled up with the heaters on and I was still getting on/off shaking episodes. I did some deep breathing and imaging work and things calmed down. I've been in my evening "grace period" tonight--it's been really quiet!

Not sure what's tweaking my adrenaline levels--some fear/anxiety no doubt. Will continue to watch the patterns and see if I can isolate the triggers/causes.

All for tonight--dream the dreams and let them play!

5274

Logy, heavy day! All of the lymph drainage work that Rebecca did yesterday showed up today. Feels like I'm moving through molasses. But, tremor was better behaved today. I still awoke with it (early in the morning), but it has moderated some today.

Went for a brisk baylands walk. Had a baby burrito for lunch (name refers to size and not to contents). Been taking all of my supplements. Energy has been up, down and all around--nothing predictable. Getting a bit quiet now--my afternoon grace period.

I am so frustrated with not being able (if that's the correct state) to do something constructive with all the aspects of my life. There are dozens of mundane tasks that need handling and all I can do is drift--eat, sleep, and eliminate--I barely manage even those three items. I manage to squeeze in a visit to one of my bodyworkers, but then it's back to the basic three.

It's clear after the past few days that my tremor is as psychological as it is physical. The cold weather didn't help except to accentuate the anxiety-driven shaking. Today, I spent a lot of time telling myself to be calm, be at peace, and be quiet. I did lots of deep breathing exercises. The baylands walk helped as well--it was quiet there today.

There has got to be a path through this madness! I need to find it and walk it, soon! I grow old! I grow old! And so does this process!

5275

Good session with Rebecca today! Went over early so I could drop by M&E's as they finished packing for their move. Was good to see them and wish them a bon voyage. Couldn't help but feel some chagrin at me not being able to transplant like they're doing (and not the first time either). I was feeling sad for me where I could barely drive over the hill to say goodbye, much less picking up an moving. Anyway, those thoughts (and ones like them) are keeping where I am. Thank goodness for Rebecca--she pulled me out of my funk and concurrently stopped the tremor. Despite the harrowing drive back, I managed to arrive home fairly calm and peaceful, and almost shake-free!

As Rebecca noted--that's two days in a row where I've stopped the shaking. Yesterday in the acupressure session, everything stopped. If I can do it two days in a row (plus many days where I've stopped in the evenings), I should be able to make it happen at will. Just have to keep my thoughts on the upswing and quit talking myself into a downward spiral.

Dreamed last night about auditioning--was triggered by a story I read.

Picked up some digestive enzymes and more HCL--back to supplement heaven. Will also be getting some flower essence based on some tests Rebecca ran.

She thinks that I may have to do antibiotics to get rid of my H-pylori. We'll see after I use up my supply of Bye-Lori Plus and my increased intake of HCL. Neither of these two items are H-pylori friendly. I have several issues on my dietary plate--have to sort things through. But for now, it's night-night time.

5276

Had an acupressure session this morning. I was quiet through most of it--started shaking near the end. Fell into a deep state during most of the session. Went for walk afterwards (and after lunch). Shaking persists! Have session with Rebecca tomorrow. Hope she has some way to ground the tremor. Waiting to see if I get my evening grace period. Tried to nap after walking--couldn't get quiet!

Today was DeeDee's last day at their current location. Haven't heard if they've had a ruling on the place they wanted to use. All will be revealed eventually.

Dreamed last night about being in a big house with lots of people. It was sort of a holiday affair. I don't recall many details. Let there be light!

5278-5277

Been shaking a lot. Cool weather seems to have triggered heavy symptoms. I'm having trouble getting still despite all of the "tricks" I know. Been wrapped up and sitting close to heaters, but tremors persist.

Last night, I had a short spell of quiet, which I had been praying for all day. It was like an oasis--a sweet stillness that let me relax and let go of some tension. I used the respite to climb into bed and read for a while. Shaking came back as I went to sleep, quieted enough for me to slip under, but was back this morning. I moved about today and that seemed to hold off the shaking to some extent. Came back from lunch (hot soup) and slept for a spell--woke up to shaking. Intensity of the tremor is more pronounced than it has been--reminds me of the intense shaking I was doing two years ago when I started working on recovery. Hmmmmm!

Dreamed last night that I was at a play or movie. As we left, an actor walked across our path. He was like a reprise of a theme from the performance--something about continuing to go on despite the difficulties. I started to cry and was moved by what it triggered in me.

I checked on taking the train over to Sacramento for Xmas dinner with my daughter's grandmother's family. It would make for a long day--I'd have to leave around 7am and come back early--there are limited trains that day (Sunday 23rd). Also, I'd need to be picked up on that end and returned later that afternoon. Looks like a lot of effort although it would be nice to see everyone.

Meanwhile, it's shake and bake for me! Have an acupressure session in the morrow and a session with Rebecca on Friday. Let the good times roll!

5279

Had session with the chiropractor--was good! Came away feeling grounded--did a walk through the park on the way home. He, and everyone else working on me, keep emphasizing posture. I notice it mostly when I walk--wanting to bend forward instead of staying vertical.

Had a veggie wrap at a new Indian place--it was not that interesting--fairly bland for Indian food. The naan wrapper was tasty, but the veggies were not intriguing--mostly lettuce and such.

My friends M&E (the people I stayed with when I first went to SC for treatment two years ago) are moving to Washington state--Bellingham. Her sons are up there already and it will put her close to her grandkids. They had moved back East several years back and then relocated back out here. Now, they're on the road again. Wish them well in their new adventure--they have a lot of stuff to move. Don't envy them in that respect.

Dreamed a couple of dreams. One was where I was teaching a class. I was trying to get things organized, but was having difficulty getting volunteers from the class. The students were an older crowd and were reluctant to step forward without a lot of coaxing.

The second dream involved me and a young man skateboarding through some back streets. We were delivering packages (or picking them up). We were careening around, flying about as we went about our tasks. It was a lively, energy-packed dream.

Waiting for my evening lull. I got fairly quiet last night once I went to bed and started reading. Symptoms were not too bad today--I kept on the move quite a lot, which seems to moderate them. Plus, I'm still running the heater continuously. I only did a short nap today--am feeling a bit tired right now. Mayhaps an early bed again tonight!

5280

Week ends! Weak ends! All's well that ends well! Somehow it did! Was shaking a lot today--like it was not going to stop--then it did! Went out for a baylands walk, which helped settle things a bit. Had lunch at DeeDee's and went to the library to exchange books. Rested some, but kept the heater churning. Had dinner and things started to quiet down. Listened to some chanting (the Global OM) and that did it. What a day it has been--what a rare mood I'm in! Busy week this week!

Got an invite to my ex-wife's family Xmas dinner. I'll have to take the train if I go--can't think about driving that far and back--even if I stay overnight. We shall see. I can get there and back on Amtrack. Would be a long day, but I can sleep both ways. Might work!

Have a session with the chiropractor in the morning. Got a note from the insurance company that I don't understand, but that says they'll continue to pay for treatments. Is a mystery, but I'll go with it!

Will listen to some more chanting and hit the rack--clickety clack, clickety clack, wheels are rolling on the Amtrack track!

5281

Getting chilly tonight! Near freezing! Was relatively coolish all day. Too cool for this fool! Symptoms were very present and noticeable.

Met with RS this afternoon. Good to see him! He's always in good spirits. He's now been to India 11 times--almost once every two years since I went with him the first time--21 years ago. He has innumerable stories to tell--about everything--but especially about India. We recalled and had a good laugh over some of the events in that first trip.

However, I came away from our time together a bit sad. I felt frustrated with not being fully present with him--I was spinning about in my symptom maze--feeling like I was not able to process all that he was saying, like being constantly out of phase.

Some of that feeling went away when I got back home, ate something and decompressed. It's such a simple thing--I just want to be cogent and not dealing with symptoms as I interact with people. But that's not what happens. Feeling like I'm out of phase is a perfect descriptor--I'm only partly in gear and as things proceed I become more out of it. Left me feeling sad and frustrated.

Even though we were in my regular cafe, I felt my attention being pulled back and forth like a yo-yo--by other people, movement, sounds, voices, and everything there. Too much stimulation! Can't process well when the stimulation is too heavy. It's like I'm going to have to become a monk, if I'm not one already!

Oh, well! I have a Physics test that I can read to help focus my attention. My Dragon friend sent it to me to show me what he creates for his tutorial students. Quite a challenging-looking document. I thought a Newton was a cookie!

5282

Smooth Move tea is smooth! Worked like a charm! I spent some time last night researching assimilation of food--how to make the process work better. One of the biggest factors is masticating thoroughly. Need to drink the solids and chew the liquids--in both cases to liquefy the food as well as mix in saliva, which helps the stomach to successfully process everything. So, that is now part of my regimen as well. Will be taking HCL and digestive supplements to further enhance the activity. I'll still be going lightly on meats though--will be continuing with ingesting mostly fruits, veges, dairy, and grains. No eggs or soy products! I'm still showing an allergic reaction to those two items.

So for my dietary update! May the good guys win!

Symptoms were fairly mild today. Was almost, but not quite, a symptom-free day. Symptoms were on and off with the tremor being on the light side.

Slept with heater on last night and have been running it for most of the day. Let the heat be on! Supposed to get cooler over the weekend and into next week. May the heater win!

Will be meeting RS tomorrow--be good to see him and hear his stories!

5283

Rainy day! Light showers on and off all day! Nice to have the moisture, but makes me feel locked in--no walks on the baylands. Had an acupressure treatment today--felt good--symptoms have been lighter except for slow digestion. I'm taking some senna tea tonight--see if that will knock things loose. It's been a couple of days since I had a bowel movement. Time for the Smooth Move tea! May have to fast for a day as well. It's been over a year since I've had this problem arise. May it just be a temporary issue. I feel fine--just that my system has slowed.

Picked up my shipment of Bye-Lori today. Will start taking that supplement once again--it should also aid my digestion process. Temperature is supposed to get near freezing this coming weekend! My little heater will be working overtime.

Got a call from RS today. He and his wife are coming down to the Bay Area on Saturday. We'll try and get together--been a long while since we've seen each other. They live in Santa Rosa and have many animals (horses, donkeys, sheep, cats, a goat). He was telling me about having to muck the corrals every morning--sounds like a chore.

He's gone back to India twice since we last met. He's full of stories about those trips. Will hear more on Saturday.

I think it's an early-to-bed night tonight. Didn't nap much since I did the treatment, but am feeling the pull to the horizontal. I'm enjoying the stories I'm reading. The world is filled with wonders and diverse experiences. I noticed last night that I grew quiet as I read--lost in other worlds!

5284

Got a batch of photographs of my granddaughters. There are photos from Abby's 1st birthday, some soccer shots from Sara's games, and some of both of them at Halloween. Photogenic group!

Also got links to several videos--mostly of Abby. She's already a camera clown--mugs and makes an astounding array of faces.

Got a note from my medical insurance saying that they will cover my chiropractor sessions. The doctor had sent them a note describing my treatment and they said OK! Not sure what happens when we roll into the new year, but will find out soon.

Foggy morning! It hung around until about noon. I rested this morning, but haven't napped a lot today. I'm ready to stop napping and get on with things. Symptoms were light today--patches of clearness. Now just need the energy bubbles to appear. There were a couple of photos of me in the ones from the birthday party. I look healthy, but old! I've aged a lot in the past five years--my driver's license looks like a different person! Looks like someone I used to know.

Dreamed last night, but didn't hold onto it as I awoke. Have an acupressure session in the morrow. Assume his place is dry and back together. Onward and onward!

5285

Awoke to the sounds of rain! Wasn't a deluge, but it was a nice bit of moisture. Spent the day napping for the most part. Symptoms were relatively light--on and off. Had a period when I was clear, before the cog-fog rolled in and made things muddy.

Ordered some more Bye-Lori--it should arrive in the morrow. Had lunch at DeeDee's--was tasty/warm. I'm eating smaller portions to try and not overload my assimilation processes.

Tremor is not that bad, it's just insistent. There are times when it goes quiet.

Just got a call from PG--haven't heard from him in a while. We may get together for dinner soon.

Dreamless last night--or I didn't register any. Heading in to read soon. Good night! Sleep tight!

5286

Relatively quiet day in terms of symptoms. Complex was noisier than usual--people moving out, cleaning crews and a host of new vehicles.

Bumped into JH when I went to lunch. His head looked like it had been put through a meat grinder--some kind of skin disorder--actinic keratosis. He's using a topical ointment that basically burns off the epidermal skin leaving large patches of scab and inflammation. He's almost done with the treatment and will be happy when it's over. As usual, he's his normal vibrant self--doing all the things he manages to do. He's always a treat to talk to, even if he's scabby.

Supposed to get a bit of rain tonight. Will be nice!

Dreamed last night that I was giving a seminar. I was concerned because I had not fully prepared. I had gone over the first half, but did not have anything to cover the second part. There were a mix of young and older professionals. I felt comfortable doing the first half of the seminar, but was concerned how I would look in the second half, especially to the older professionals. Some of these older people were colleagues with whom I had once worked. I awoke from the dream as I was about to start the second part of the seminar. I consciously stopped the dreaming.

Slept last night without a heater running--it was warm enough to do that. Feels the same tonight--we will see! Two roads diverged in a yellow wood--I'll take the one less traveled!

5287

Hurricane-force winds in Oregon! Blow winds and crack your cheeks! Rage! Blow! But not too fiercely, I hope!

A bit windy here as we get some backlash from the Oregon/Washington storms.

A somewhat busy day here at the apartment complex. One family moved out last weekend and the cleaning/repair people were here today. Also another tenant moved out today. Guess the cleanup crew will be back soon to deal with his place. Hasn't been that much turnover here until now. Cycles upon cycles!

I've been hanging out near the heater--keeping warm and drifting. I make it out to grab a meal and scurry back to nap. I've not been all that lively over the past two days. Perhaps tomorrow will bring some start-of-the-week energies. I'm looking forward to it!

Dreamed a dream last night but lost it upon awakening. It will replay if I'm meant to have it--else will fade back into dream mists. You betcha!

Feeling both logy and a bit anxious. Don't know what the anxiety is about! Let there be peace instead--let it be, let it be!

5289-5288

Had a session with Rebecca yesterday. Went well, but came home somewhat wrung out. Felt clear and fairly quiet, but wrung out. Went to sleep almost instantly. Dreamed a lot.

Dreamed that I was in a college town. Streets were dark. I was going to a gathering in a nearby neighborhood. There was a guy on a skate board going there as well. I was either on a bike or running. We traveled down the streets, moving at a good speed. When we were near enough to see some of the crowd, he waved and veered off in a different direction.

The gathering included food and speeches. At one point, the police arrived and started grabbing people and handcuffing them. Some kind of peace was negotiated and they let everyone go as long as they dispersed. Everything ended up chaotically--people started wandering back towards campus.

Cool today and I've felt like holing up. Although, I did do a baylands walk despite the chilly winds. Drive over to SC yesterday went smoothly. Coming back was more of a challenge--it was dark--not my favorite route especially at that time of day.

Keeping the heater cranking--feel better warm, even over-warm. Had lunch at DeeDee's--tasty and toasty.