6079

Can't recall any dreams even though I've been sleeping and napping non-stop for several days. The only times I've been awake have been when I'm running errands, shopping, going to the chiropractor, etc. When I return home, I only feel like climbing in bed and taking yet another nap.

Can't determine the reason for this lethargy, this lack of energies. Just want to sleep, to rest, to not do much of anything. I'm even having to effort some to write down these timid thoughts. No sense of urgency or a need to not be doing what I keep on doing. I fell like a basket case without having any of the stresses of the hurricane evacuees. Can't imagine what it's like for many of them.

Will be heading for a dance tonight. That will help overcome some on the lethargic sensations. I keep thinking that something is going to click and everything will be back to normal. Oh, that it would be so.

I've been back for over a week and have done little to resolve my living situation, to sort out the options. Need to get on with everything. Stop sleeping and make some decisions. No matter what, make some decisions and stabilize my circumstances. Oh, yeah!

6080

Went to chiropractor this morning. He did a Pulse Wave Analysis test using a pulse monitoring device. Conclusion--I have the heart of a 30-year old. Only measure that was marginal was small capillary function and a low pulse height (perhaps due to low fluid intake). Was an affirmation of my general good health and that all of my disturbances are more mental than physical. At least that's the way I interpret the results.

Of course, I came home (after eating breakfast) and took a nap. My letter to my sister came back as no such address. Too bad. Was hopeful that I had found her. Guess I could pay for a search and get definitive information.

Got a call from my friend R. He offered me a place in a small cabin on his new ranch. It needs a lot of work, but the rent is right--nada. As always, I'm being flooded with new place options. Going to have to make a decision soon.

Checked on vehicle storage options. There are places in the area where I can leave a vehicle in a covered storage facility. Anything is available.

Heading for dance class tonight. Will be good to move and twirl. Hopefully, we'll go over the waltz I learned on Tuesday. It has a great flow and is a pleasure to dance.

September comes to an end. It's been a lengthy month filled with travel and new alternatives. Harbinger of times to come. Let there be possibility.

6081

Slept in really late today. Finally got up when I had to go to the chiropractor. Otherwise, I think I would have slept around the clock. Lost all sense of any dreams I might have had.

Didn't get anything done today on my several projects. They all languished while I kept fending off awakening. Went to L's and had some Indian food. Also some chocolate and tea.

Kept trying to recall the word "palindromes." Knew what the word meant, but couldn't bring it to consciousness. Finally did so along with "semordnilap," which is palindromes spelled backwards. It refers to a word that forms another word when spelled backwards (eat and tea, for example).

I hear drumming tonight. Sounds like a band practicing somewhere nearby. Can't imagine where that might be.

Anyway, it's early to bed tonight despite the monumental sleep in of this morning. Rest seems called for and rest I'll do. Did a Qigong sesssion today when I finally arose. May do some basic Power Healing moves before jumping into the sack. Let there be Qi!

6082

Been a busy day. Did my laundry this morning. Then went to Spanish class--introductory conversational Spanish. Good instructor and today it was a really small class. There were 6 or more people missing. I'm a couple of lessons behind, but can catch up. Felt good to be using my brain although I got somewhat fuzzy near the end of the 1.5 hour session.

Went to the chiropractor and came away feeling whole again. What with Qigong, Power Healing, chiropractic, some yoga, food and rest, I could feel the fogs lift somewhat.

Heading for dance class tonight just to be in motion. Will see how well I do after missing the initial class.
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Dance class was good. Lots of movement and some tricky steps. A waltz, a samba, and a nightclub 2-step. Waltz and samba dances were the best. Reading through the Baja guidebook. Days disappear quickly. Will spend the morrow doing more research. Tengo mucho a hacer. (I have much to do.)

6083

Feeling punky still. Have an irritation in my throat that wasn't made better by a cup of coffee.

Went to the chiropractor for the first time since I returned. He found all manner of misalignments and spasms from all the sitting I did over the past 10 days. Too much sitting and not enough exercise--physical exercise.

Been doing some Baja research. Lots to cover in order to make a decision to move there. Lots of variables--like how far away is the nearest ATM. Looks like a 2-hour bus ride, round trip, plus dealing with the bus schedules. Bus fare--about $12 round trip. Expensive ATM fees.

Anyway, I'm peddling slowly this evening. Didn't remember last night's dreams. Power Healing class was missing an instructor tonight. P, a friend from dancing, has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. He'll be doing a 7-week radiation regimen. They think it can be cleared up. Hope so. Time to rest the head and dream of kings and queens and flying machines.

6084

Had my share of Southern cooking while in Memphis and Mississippi. Everything fried of course. Fried catfish, hush puppies, french fries, fried chicken, fried okra, fried onion rings, and so on. The only thing I may have missed was fried pies and banana pudding (not fried).

One of my sister's daughters was a Katrina evacuee. She, her 3-year old daughter, husband, and four dogs were staying in a house in Mississippi. They had been back to New Orleans and had gathered all they could and trucked it back with them. They lost two houses to the storm. They will most likely not go back.

I spent most of one day helping them unload the truck. Spent part of another day helping move some of their stored furniture from my sister's place to where they were storing their retrieved items. The goal was to consolidate all of their belongings so it would be easier to load and move when they get ready to do so.

My sister's other daughter drove down from Virginia with her two kids to help out and visit. So it became a somewhat family reunion. I got to see my sister as the matriarch with all of her daughters and grandkids milling about.

What else? A lot more if I can remember everything. I visited with some buddies who I've known since grade school (first grade). That experience was quite sad. One of them has had a stroke and has only partial use of his right hand and leg. He can get around with a walker, but no longer drives. His twin brother lives with him. Their place is really rundown and in disarray. It was frustrating and sad to see them that way. They form a somewhat odd couple with the healthier brother acting like the parent and harping away at the brother with the stroke. It's one of those things where I wish I had a magic brush and could quickly change things for the better.

But, I can't and could not. I was experiencing a lot of dislocation while I was there. I kept feeling tension in my body and was unable to maintain a coherent thought process while engaged with people. I tried to let people know that I was not thinking well, but even those communications were not really clear. I spent an afternoon with my friend with the stroke. We toured around town and stopped and had a great lunch (ahi tuna salad for me--not fried). But, I was exhausted and had to head back to my sister's place. I spent another half day with him and ended up in the same state. We had BBQ sandwiches (also not fried). I ate a lot on this trip.

I talked with him some about Qigong and what it might do for him. I found a person there who teaches Qigong and left her a message to call my friend, but I don't think she's done so yet. I need to follow up.

All of the events so far cover about one half of the time I was visiting. There was a birthday celebration for one of the kids. She turned five. We did a big family night on Monday when the New Orleans Saints played. The niece from Virginia made gourmet pizzas. She's in the midst of opening a restaurant and is an excellent cook. We made numerous trips between my sister's place and the place in MS throughout these several days and I got to see a lot of the countryside and enough of Memphis to know that I wouldn't want to live in the city itself.

There's ample open space and places to stay that are out a bit and away from the hubbub and traffic. And, another option was presented--my niece from VA has a place in Baja. Since she's going to be tied up with opening the new eatery, she said I could have the use of the place in Baja. It's right on the beach and is like my dream place. I have some research to do to make such a move, but it seems like it should be a no-brainer. Am starting to use the Internet to uncover what may be involved. The photo of the place is enough to make me want to be there, but there are some considerations. More on that as the days unfold.

Back to Memphis trip. Spent the final days there visiting my sister's store (Elvis paraphernalia) and spending some time with a couple who are friends of my sister. They have this bucolic place in MS with ponds, a pool, and assorted collections of collectibles. They were older (he's nearly 80) but lively, creative, and fun. He was busy painting out a mural on the side of his shop building when we drove up. We had an amusing evening at an Outback restaurant where there was much confusion over ordering steaks and prime rib (don't try the seasoned and seared prime rib). As G said, "I'm nearly 80 years old and I've never seen a prime rib that looked like that." He had a humorous encounter with the waitress and the manager over the dish.

The next day we drove to Reelfoot lake (to eat, of course). We lunched on fried foods at a place called Boyette's that has been there forever. We also saw a live water moccasin on the nature trail and ate way too much food. I was really happy that evening to drink a yogurt smoothie and let my stomach rest. The ride up to Reelfoot was about 3 hours each way. I'm afraid I was a dull copilot. I was feeling really disassociated on the way up and back. I sat for long periods of time during the whole time I was there, as well as sitting in cars a lot, and sitting on airplanes. I don't think I should be sitting a lot anymore.

Overall, I had a good visit with my sister. We got to talk a lot and were able to share a lot about our aging and transitions. Her hospitality was unreserved and genuine.

On the day that I was returning, I realized that my daughter was in the path of hurricane Rita. She had gone into LA as a Red Cross volunteer and was in Hammond, LA, just north and west of New Orleans. I called her from the airport and realized that they didn't have the weather updates that were driving the Houston/Galveston evacuations.

I spent a nervous flight back and then began a series of telephone updates to her so she would have some idea of what might be happening. Using the weather channel, I was able to pick up advisories for the town she was in and relay them to her. Fortunately, Rita veered away from her location and they came through it all in good shape. She should be in Baton Rouge tonight and flying back tomorrow. All of this uncertainty didn't help my equilibrium.

Since I've returned I've slept a lot, ate a lot, and not done much else. I've been feeling heavy and lethargic quite a bit of the time. L and I had a massive dinner on Friday night at a new Turkish eating place. She had Lamb Shank and I had a huge piece of grilled halibut. Today we went to the beach at HMB and ate at Ketch JoAnn's--breakfast bounty.

I've not wrote out all of the details of the trip. Just some of the highlights and key points. There is more, no doubt, but it may not surface or find its way into these notes. Like the Indian couple sitting next to me on the return flight and their son Tru, which means North Star. Or the Airbourne tablet I consumed on that flight that filled my stomach with voluminous gastric disorder.

I'm starting to fade anyway. So will wrap it here for tonight. Had dreams last night (and many of the nights before), but they have been pulled back into the dreamworlds. They will return.

6093-6085

Been away for just over a week. Took trip back to Memphis to visit with my sister and see some friends. Was an eventful trip, almost from the moment of arrival. But the journey began with a long plane ride and associated dislocations. Had to fly to Atlanta and then make a connection to get back to Memphis. 4.5+ hours to Atlanta on a packed flight that, by the way, flew over Memphis. Delta routing.

Once I got to Memphis, I picked up a rental car and immediately got terminally lost trying to get to my sister's home. After traversing most of the roads in North Mississippi, my sister finally had to come meet me and guide me to her place. It was my fault. I just screwed up the directions the rental agent gave me. I wasn't thinking clearly, which was more than evident by the time this trip concluded. My brain just isn't processing very well, but more on that later.

When my sister drove up to where I was waiting for her, the incidental light from the headlights illuminated her face. I'd never thought of my sister's face looking much like our mother, but in that flash of light it looked like our mother was driving up to meet me. A shock went through my system when I saw her face. There was a moment in which I wasn't sure that I wanted to follow this ghost to wherever it was going.

I did follow her and after regressing many of the roads I had already traversed, we came to the house. Big place. An "estate" if it were in California--a modest huge dwelling there in Memphis.

There's much more to relate. The 7+ days there, yesterday and today here, were filled with stuff that dealt with the hurricanes, food (Southern Style), visiting with friends, riding around the area, meeting people, and much more. Will pick up the thread in the morrow and continue the tale--after I return from the beach in the morning. Have to go say hello to the sea now that I've partially recovered from the trip.

Good to be back home--humble as it may be. But may soon be on the road again. Will say more on this as the trip saga is unrolled.

6094

Dreams lost in the packing pool. Thoughts of packing and preparation for tomorrow's flight pushed dreams into the deep background.

About ready to go. Just a few more items to stuff into the bags. Not carrying all that much. Don't need much, I think.

Looking forward to the journey even though I'm carrying some tensions over details--such as the airline announcing bankruptcy today. Body holding tensions. The chiropractor picked up all of the holding and such immediately. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Off to a men's team meeting tonight then back here for the final zipping up and setting of the alarm for an early hour.
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Good to see some of the men on the men's team. There were four of us--four out of a possible seven. Two men had previous commitments. One was a mysterious no show.

Not sure when I'll be posting next. Will not be carrying a computer with me. Will have to use systems when I come across any. Would be nice to chronicle what happens, but may not be able to do so.

Bankruptcy and hurricanes. Strong portents for this journey back home. Let the good times roll or make some movements. Clock is set for an early rise. Time to sleep and close my eyes.

6095

Had a team dream last night. I was part of a school team that was competing against another team. It was a cross between Harry Potter and Animal House. The other team was composed of the "privileged" members of the school. I was on the underdog team that was composed of the rebels and difficult students.

The dream actions were quite lively and kept spinning off into a variety of scenarios. It wasn't completely clear what was being judged or measured, but it was active as it could be. Things took place in classrooms, in the halls, outdoors, and in other locations.

This dreamed morphed into a family adventure dream. A cross between Spy Kids and the Incredibles or some such pair of family groups. Here again, there wasn't a lot of clarity regarding outcomes, but a lot of action was undertaken.
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Went to the Power Healing class last night. I was impressed and for good reason. I volunteered to let the group work on me, on my right upper arm (tension, stiffness, slight pain) and the associated tremor in the side of my body.

I sat in the focal point of a semi-circle of class attendees while they directed healing energies my way, and into the affected areas. I experienced the tightness, tension, pain and tremor subsiding, disappearing. It went away and only came back today after I awoke this morning. Even so, it's less intense overall and I can evoke the stillness and release by putting myself back into the healing circle.

The healing action was done with one person standing near me and holding their hands over the affected area and the lower Dan Tian area (lower abdomen). The hands were held so that one hand was held near the affected area and the other hand was held at a distance from the Dan Tian.

I definitely experienced a cessation of symptoms for a time. Amazing!

I walked over to the class via some side streets. I can easily walk there in about 10 minutes. Unless I do what I did going home. I took a wrong turn coming back and got temporarily lost. It's really dark around here at night. I had a difficult time reading the street signs when I had to do so to orient myself. Lost in my own neighborhood.

Been doing some of the incremental things I need to get done so I can leave here on Thursday. After some research, found a horde of low-priced house listings where I am going. I think a lot of them are in foreclosure and that's why the prices are low. Found houses for sale on the street where I used to live--maybe even our old house. That would be too weird--to buy our original house and move back into it. Strange and eiree to think about.

I'll be glad to get on the plane and fly away. Getting ready for the trip is a pain--happy to have one more day to deal with preparations even though the time will be crowded and go quickly.

Just did a Qigong session and it felt good to do it. Will do the Power Healing movements tonight before I go to bed. Windy again today; windy and blustery. Let the cold winds blow.

6096

Awoke dreamless. Not even a vague hint as to what I might have dreamed.

Power Healing class starts this evening. Will post any impressions on my Qigong blog. Had a session with the chiropractor this morning. Was told that I'm ready to move to a new level of treatment--dig a little deeper, work a bit more in clearing and aligning. Perhaps that's what has been at the core of my most recent perturbations, dislocations and distress.

Spent some time today reviewing housing and rentals in my home town. Lots of lower cost options there compared to where I am now. (That comparative result is true of almost anywhere.) Will be interesting to be on the ground there and check out what's available. I see that a lot of listings are pitching to Katrina evacuees. There have probably been a lot of people who are being sheltered. Has to be some impact.

Have spent this day doing much of nothing. Felt OK when I awoke and headed to the chiropractor, but things fuzzed up somewhere along the way. Wind has been persistent today. Left the room on the cool side. I had to get out in the sun for a while in order to heat up some. Lay down for a short nap.

Can't help but ask myself what do I think I'm doing, what am I accomplishing. It's been over a year since I stepped off the standard merry-go-round and onto another type of carousel. I assumed that things would unfold and blossom. Not so. Things have remained contracted and stagnant, or at least that's how I've been holding what's been going on. It's been a long time of being in a disconnected place, space and interface. Things may actually be devolving instead of solving. (Am I about to break into a rap? Not likely.)

Today's news--old already. Year old news--really ancient, boring and tired from being processed. Enough grousing for today. Power Healing--on my way!

6097

State of agitation continues. Can't seem to find a way to moderate what's going on. Feel tightly wound up like some kind of spring-loaded device. Don't know what's triggering this reaction, this state of being. Spent the day as if I were trudging up a steep incline. Finally, tonight, I'm settling down. It happened after I came home, got quiet, went for a walk around the neighborhood, and settled down with this computer to update my journal. Also helped to drink a protein drink.

Tomorrow will visit the chiropractor and the Power Healing class begins (assuming there are enough sign ups. In between, I'll be starting to prep for my trip later in the week. I bought a 7-day supplement case, but it's not big enough--too many pills each day to fit in the case's compartments. May have to get a 14-day and use the double compartments. Hmmm...

Just remembered that I had a thought about my agitation and wind-up tightnesses--Sitting too long in one place seems to exacerbate the sensations. The walk I took when I got home helped settle things down. Will look into that cross connection; watch things more carefully over the next few days.

Had an extensive set of dream segments last night. I was at a conference that was being attended by dozens of people. It was some kind of technology conference. There was a huge meeting hall where many attendees were assembling. I took part in some pre-conference activities that included riding in a plane that was put through a simulated crash. The plane was flying along and suddenly dipped, headed for a grove of trees, and landed safely just before hitting the trees. There was also another "scare" ride where an almost too real crash occurred.

I was asked to help with making one of the presentations. I rigged up some projection equipment and set up a set of images that would appear during the presentation. The dream had lots of other details and tiny scenes, most of which involved the conference itself and people's interactions.

I think I mentioned an author, James Purdy, and said something about his stories being too fictive. The author I meant to say this about is Ian MacLeod--not James Purdy. Sorry, James! The MacLeod book that prompted my reaction/statement was the story collection called Breathmoss. Don't know where I picked up Purdy's name and got it confounded with my criticisms. Oh, well!

Went to the local street fair today. L and I walked the entire fair. Saw two unique things--a set of photographs done at night with long exposures and where the photographer has "inserted" images using backlighting and spot exposures. They were extraordinary. You can see his work, called Spirit Shadows, at www.sheerentertainment.com. His name is Robert Kawika Sheer. Best thing I've seen at one of these fairs in quite some time.

Second thing--deep fried Twinkies--even chocolate with chocolate filling. Hmmm...

6098

Dreamless in cyberspace. Don't recall even a hint of what I might have dreamt last night.

Had brunch with my son from the South, his wife, their daughter, my daughter, and D. Good to see everyone. My daughter has been helping the Red Cross with the Katrina evacuees coming into the area.

L spent the day making Finnish pastries for a consignment she was asked to do. I've been meandering all day. I keep thinking that today is Sunday. Have nothing special to do tomorrow, but I guess I want it to be here already.

I'm feeling shaky. I've sat still too much today. Walked a bit before dinner, but not enough to take off the edge of creeping stagnation that I feel. Didn't go to the dance tonight. It might have helped like it did last night, but might also just postpone the inevitable.

I was struck at brunch by the plans everyone at the table seemed to have, except for me. My plans involve a trip next week that I'm committed to do (sort of, even that's not absolute), but nothing much beyond that. Everyone there, with the possible exception of the granddaughter, are planning, thinking ahead, positioning themselves, signing up, taking active steps into their combined and individual futures.

My plans, if they can be called as much, involve figuring out how to survive, how to carve out a space/place where I can relax and restore. I feel depleted, empty, not all that solid anymore.

I learned that my son in the East (all of these compass references are to the state of CA, which is a state in all the senses of the word) has moved. When I know not. Where I'm also unsure about. So much for communication. Apparently this took place some time ago. Oh, well! Onward to oblivion I go.

Feeling ratty tonight. Not much latitude for positive thoughts or lofty aspirations. Just looking forward to reading tonight and waking up to (finally) Sunday. Started reading an interesting set of stories by a therapist who also writes and uses narrative therapy as an intervention. The stories are like fairy tales (not like Purdy's that I wrote of before) and contain a richness that is surprising.

Didn't do any Qigong today (yet--and may not tonight as the bewitching hour looms). Picked up some toiletries for the trip. Tomorrow is telephone time--call my sister, my friends back East (now the geography shifts to TN) and so forth.

And maybe I'll recall tonight's dream scenes--as they mist and gather, coil and writhe.

6099

Dreamed of driving around in a truck last night. The streets were torn up and there were detours everywhere. I kept using routes that were marginal. There was one turn I made that sent me down a temporary road that contained a lot of obstacles such as abandoned vehicles, trash barrels, and road barriers. At one point, I was careening along the edge of a roadway that fell away into a steep dropoff. I awoke just as I was navigating too close to the edge and was starting to tilt and fall. I awoke from the tension in the dream state. It was in the early morning hours well before daybreak.
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Slept in late this morning. Kept wanting to nod back to sleep. Finally could nap no more and rolled up and out for the day. Did a Qigong session once I awoke. Its what keeps me rooted right now, keeps me grounded. Otherwise, I spin out of my self and start listening to my thoughts, which doesn't help right now.

Heading to dance place tonight. More movement and motion--no time to think. There were no classes this week, which has left me unexercised and some built-up stress-like symptoms. Also a dance tomorrow night. Double dancing instead of Dirty Dancing. Whatever works.

Have to call people this weekend to let them know I'm coming in for a week. Should be some interesting conversations. I'm flying Delta to use my frequent flyer miles. Delta is making all kinds of noise about filing for bankruptcy. Hope it happens after I make my trip. Need to go ahead and book the rest of my FF miles just in case.

Time to dance. Let the music begin.

6100

Had a difficult time falling asleep last night. Felt wired, as if I had drunk a cup of coffee, which I had not. Spent some time on the web understanding how I might take a bus north to DragonLand. Turns out the bus fare is nearly, exactly equal to what it will take in gasoline. It will in some ways take a bit more time, but I can relax and "leave the driving to us."

Sent an email to ask Greyhound about their Go Anywhere pickets. Got a cogent reply that told me exactly what I'd have to do if I wanted to do stopovers. Gave me the details and costs in one succinct reply. Go Greyhound!

Dreams last night returned to the toy world themes. There were two parts of the dream. The first involved me working as a temporary employee at a toy company (yes, the same one as in dozens of other dreams). I somehow got an indication that I was going to be hired full time. I was asked to fill out some forms that only permanent employees had to complete. I shared this fact with one of my cube mates and got tentative agreement that the process was underway to actually hire me. I felt good at the prospect.

A second dream segment had to do with a presentation that my cube mate and I were scheduled to do. The cube mate had gotten tangled up in getting his family organized for the trip. When I stopped by his place, the ten exhibit pieces were still not packed--they were sitting scattered out on tables in his garage. I pointed out that each exhibit had a large blanket or tablecloth that is was supposed to sit on at the exhibit hall. I showed how each one could be bundled in its blanket and tied off like a carrying case. We quickly packaged up the exhibits and put them in my vehicle (his van was full of kids and family). We got off on time and headed for the exhibit hall.

Went to the chiropractor this morning. Felt good going and after the session. Scarfed up a big breakfast before returning home. Have some bills and trip plans to handle today. Cloudy, cool day with huge clouds hanging in the West.
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Went into a spin later in the day, but have recovered. Did a round of Qigong prior to the spin and that seemed to help, but still had a significant episode. Helped to get up and out into the fresh air and to grab a bite to eat. Diet, movement, and not staying locked in place all seem to moderate the bursts of anxiety. Get up, eat, move, breathe. Seems simple enough, but doesn't get at the source, the cause of the discomfort and dislocation.

Also noticed that while reading I was adding to the state. The book I was reading was a collection of SciFi stories by James Purdy. The opening story is totally contrived (as he warns in his preface--that all stories are lies) and not satisfying. I read on thinking (hoping, assuming) that the words will become magical and the story will soar. It does not and I start berating myself for wasting time plowing through the words hoping for entertainment. (Not your fault, James. Just how I am wired right now.)

Week has gone by quickly. It seems more like Tuesday instead of Thursday for some reason. Time warp: on and active. L called and left a message that was time stamped minutes ahead of the actual time. A message from the future perhaps.

Off to dreamsville early tonight. Have to relax and restore. Let the dreams begin...

6101

Last night's dream had overtones of what's going on in New Orleans. I was in a boat or van that was part of a convoy of vehicles. The unit we were in formed a compartment that was self-contained, but attached forward and aft to other units. There were four people in each compartment. We were armed. It was in the dead of night and we were running by way of spot lights.

People kept appearing on the sides of the roads or channels. Some tried to jump on board, but the compartments were rounded and slick. They would often fall away into the darkness. I think I knew the three people that I was with. We had been friends and had volunteered to help out. It wasn't clear how we were helping anyone. We were carrying no supplies or medicines. We were just cruising through the darkness with guns at the ready. The only noises were the shouts of people in the darkness and the staccato sounds of our engines as we motored along.
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Feeling good right at the moment. Had a difficult time getting up today. Arose late and went to do my laundry. The laundromat was a pig sty. The coin machines were out of change. My laundry went relatively smoothly since I had change and my washer didn't crap out on me. Others were less fortunate. No change. Washers that took their money and didn't work.

I was in a haze it seemed. Finally got done and came home. Rested for a while and felt better. Got up and did a round of Qigong/yoga practice. Felt better. Shaved and cleaned up. Went out for fish and chips (sand dabs). Feel really good now.

Earlier in the day, somehow lost the groove I was in yesterday. Qigong and food brought me back to center. Left a message for my sister about me coming her way next week. Checked rental cars. Will book one tomorrow. Checked my airline reservation--they changed the flight times slightly (by a few minutes).

Talked with my daughter. She's volunteered to help out in Louisiana. Good for her. She may get called up before the week is over. I worry about the disease situation there and having her go into it. I'm proud of her for taking the step to help.

Set up next Wednesday as a Team Mettle meeting date. Should have everyone there but one. Close enough. Reread the Hawkins papers that G gave me from the Eye of the I. She was referring to him a lot on Tuesday, so was of benefit to read it over again. He speaks at length about the mind, thinking, thoughts, and related subjects.

Unseasonably cool the past week. Was chilly tonight at 7pm. Where's the global warming when you need it?

L passed a New Orleans story along that is off the charts in terms of how some people were treated. You can bet that that's the tip of the floating debris on such stories. The cops threatened these people who were doing nothing but trying to survive. I suppose it's already being scripted, but this is going to make one helluva TV dramatization. Real stories from real people about how they were treated.

Still night, tonight. Winds have abated. They were swirling about earlier in the day. I find myself at peace once again. Thank you universe for the quiet time.

6102

Dreamed last night of working on the design and creation of a toy. The dream was incredibly detailed and in the dream I completed a prototype of the toy, tested it, and clarified all of the play modes.

The toy was a touch-sensitive set of beads that were arranged on a bracelet. There were 5 to 7 beads, each bead a color of the rainbow. When a bead was touched on its upper surface, it lighted from within and the color was announced. This was the "tell me" mode. In an "ask me" mode, the bracelet would announce a color and wait for the child to touch the correct bead. If there was a long delay, the target bead would flash as a hint. If the incorrect bead was touched, a "boink" message would play and then the target bead would flash.

There were several other play states for the toy. There was also the possibility of the beads being imprinted with letters, numbers or symbols, with these imprinted items being included in the play states.

The details of the dream were quite vivid. I recall showing the prototype to others and getting feedback that the concept was a good one.
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Had a good session with G today. We did some gestalt work that lifted some metaphorical baggage off my shoulders. I've been light and floating ever since the session. I've been feeling healthy and whole, positive and up since the session. I am not my thoughts--that was the gist of what was demonstrated (unearthed, excavated, drawn forth, experienced).

Some healing took place and some restoration of balance between my thoughts and how I've been holding those thoughts--actually a restoration of trust in my self that had been lost in the clutter of my own aimlessness. I don't have the right words to express what was brought to the surface--all I can say is that everything is lighter and filled with possibility. It's been a long time since I've felt this way, felt this surge of energy, clarity, and hope. I thank the universe for this respite, for this breakthrough, for this blessing.

It's like a fissure has been sealed from which my life force had been spewing forth. Like it has closed and healed, sealed and been patched up--like a leak in a balloon can be staunched with a piece of tape.

Had dinner with L. More of the feast from the weekend, reheated and rich with the flavors of having been marinating for a day. Watched some news specials on the New Orleans debacle. Over a week now and things are barely getting handled. The diaspora will have untold effects on places and people's lives for years to come.

Beginning to prepare for my trip next week. Expect week to go by quickly and then I'll be on a plane headed "home." Leaving on a jet plane, no way to come back home again. Just a thought, but I am not that thought. Life living me. A ray of hope among the brilliance of the universe. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

6103

It was cool last night. Slept fitfully while trying to stay warm. Awoke late. I've been feeling really tired over the past few days. Did Qigong when I awoke, and it seemed to up my energy some. But, overall I feel heavy and dull. Went to L's for a delicious dinner--body has to be in shock--three days and three substantial meals.

Today was pot roast with vegetables and gravy, pork roast in a chipotle sauce, rice steamed with cilantro and lime juice, and a chocolate bundt cake, cold Finnish beer and green tea. Still felt heavy after the meal, but went for a walk and, at home now, feel awake, alert, and very full.

Last night's dream had an odd premise--we were riding scooters or offroad bikes up and down a set of trails that bordered a jungle area. Everything looked tropical and heavily forested. We were playing some kind of game or were engaged in some form of contest. We had two spots on the scooter where we could catch and store some ball-like objects (they might have been coconuts), plus a third spot on the rear of the bike for a smaller, football-shaped item.

We were madly zooming back and forth along the trails, catching and losing the ball items. Perhaps there was a goal to the game, but I was so busy riding and maneuvering that I wasn't paying much attention to the details. At some points along the trail, the bikes might careen off into the bush and would have to forfeit any items that had been captured.

The dream was very active, but was not so active as to disrupt the sense of the dream. It was like the action was somehow muffled and set at a distance where it could all be heard and observed, but that was somewhat like watching a movie.

Stopped on the way to L's today to fill my truck with gasoline--$3.09 a gallon! Went up nearly a dime overnight. There wasn't another vehicle at the station. There were no shortages. I figured people would be coming back later today with empty tanks and would queue up and make a run on the pricy fuel. Thought it best that I fill my tank before the crowds returned from the holiday weekend.

Sat today and asked for assistance in getting my health restored--asked for help in restoring my energy levels, in body, mind and spirit. Sent out a request that my Healing Team (in the Power Healing sense) help pull me back on track so that I might do something of value and not just sit and obsess about my health issues. Over the past year, I've stumbled from one health issue to another in a seemingly endless stream.

I get a day of clarity (like I had last week) and then something new appears. I'm trapped in a spiral that keeps me off balance and filled with anxiety. Shake, rattle and roll--my new state of being. I'm feeling drained and I can't seem to get free of the push and pull of it all. Glad the holiday weekend is over. Have chiropractor and analyst appointments tomorrow, more food at L's later in the day, and starting to prep for my trip to Memphis. Going home for a visit and a look at possibilities. Take that night train to Memphis! I will meet you at the station!

6104

Dreamed last night that I was with a team of people that had been assigned to perform some kind of task that involved computers and technology. We were air-freighted to a ramshackle building that had other teams of people using the facility as a rest station. When we arrived, we were told to head upstairs to the topmost floors. Along the way, we had to walk past people who were sacked out or lounging in their beds. We waved hello, didn't try and minimize the noise we were making, and headed to the upper floors.

When we got there, we dumped our bags of equipment in the corners and along the walls, and pulled out tables to hold the gear. As instructed, we went ahead and set up everything and got it operational. I don't recall any more of the dream after the setup was completed.
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Slept in late again today (read late into the early hours). Did a Qigong session, which felt really good. Went to L's and we went to dinner (ate at the Fish Market--tilapia in a crisp dijon batter--was great). My body is in shock--two full dinners in a row and one lined up for tomorrow. The way I feel, I have to surmise that I've not been eating enough to maintain my energy levels. Tomorrow will be another data point.

Some gas stations are running out of gas this weekend--here! We're miles away from the pipelines in the Southeast areas. Don't see how that could possibly be affecting us here. Has to be a manufactured shortage to take advantage of the situation back east. The news stories alone will guarantee a run on the pumps. Total BS (Bush Shit)!

Watched the movie "Along Came a Spider" tonight. Been some time since I've watched TV (weeks). Some twists and turns, but not a believable story. Too many fortuitous flips and flops.

Which is what I'm about to do--flip the covers and flop into the bed... Goodnight labor--good morning day.

6105

Last night's dream was set in a hotel. We were in the main lobby. The place was immense. We wanted to get to a room on the 5th floor, but there was a break in the access routes. We could climb up to the 4th floor and then the stairs, elevators, and other connecting routes just stopped. We could see the higher floors, but there was no way to get up there.

We had been brought together in another, lower-floor room, and told that we were instructed to go to room 529 to complete our mission. We had left and made our way through the hotel until we encounter the lack of access to the 5th and higher floors.

I don't recall what we were supposed to do in room 529 or why we had to get there. It was either something we were supposed to hear or something we were supposed to deliver.
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Dance last night was lightly attended. I tweaked my knee (actually did it on Thursday at dance class) and had to dance carefully. Did not go dancing tonight--to give my knee a rest. There are no classes for a few weeks and that should help it restore and rehabilitate.

Read the Koontz book into the early morning hours. It's a total piece of fluff, but plotted with all sorts of twists and turns. I finished reading it today--after I awoke and began to move.

Lazy, hazy day. I had my heart (mind, stomach) set on having a "real" meal today. Got a call from L that she just wanted to rest tonight. So, I went out for dinner. Went to Joanie's and had a basic meal--meatloaf, mashed potatoes, gravy, veges, bread and butter. Topped it off with a chocolate cheesecake muffin. All of this food gorge was partly the result of reading the Koontz book--the hero was a baker and there were a lot of references to desserts and food.

No matter what, the dinner was delicious. Just what my body, mind, spirit required.

Did a Qigong session earlier today just after getting up. Seemed to help harmonize my uneven energies and bring them into balance. Sleep, breathwork, good food--what it takes to even out my system.

So, taking it easy today/tonight and into the weekend. Labor Day, Hooray!

6106

Had what might be called a meta-dream last night. It was a surreal dream about having a dream--an Escher-like dream sequence. There was a huge line of motorcycles parked along a roadside. Each had a rider and each was polished and tricked-out so that they sparkled.

The dream involved swapping out the rider and the "content" of each motorcycle in order to produce a specified dream element. I could, like a chess player, swap out the rider and "content" and then "execute" the resulting configuration to see what dream emerged. I spent the dream time making the swaps and exchanges, and observing the different results.
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Picked up and started reading a Koontz novel (oh, no! There goes my time!). It's called Life Expectancy and is a tongue-in-cheek story about manic clowns, pastry chefs, and god knows what else (I'm barely into it, but it's already strange enough.)

Went to dance class last night. Learned two new dances. Will see if I remember them tonight.

Been sluggish yesterday and today. So have been taking it easy. Skipped yoga class this morning. Didn't feel like going today, so did not. Did a Qigong session instead. That seemed to do the trick. Been more alert after the session.

Still locked onto the news regarding New Orleans and the resultant dislocations and problems.

I've been on retreat for nearly a year. A long, sidetracked year. One I would never have imagined, but that I have now done. I'm ready to get out of the cave. The thought of doing so makes me anxious, but the time has come to take the steps. First some dance steps and then steps into the unknown.

6107

Faint dream residues. The mists of last night's dreams linger but do not speak.

New Orleans--the people of New Orleans--are on my mind. Anything I am doing is not relevant given the magnitude of what's happening there.