1618

Daughter is doing better--she finally shared what she was experiencing with BH, her spouse. She also reached out to others--and her mother is supposed to come and stay the night. I asked how she was feeling--and offered to help do any of the chores so that she wouldn't feel pressured, anxious, and depressed. The chores include laundry, dish washing, minding BH (her son), grocery shopping, and such. She still has the pressures of job, health, kids (daughter/son), and much more--she just has to step back for a while and let things mellow out and become less consuming.

I had an elaborate dream last night--one that I've never had so completely. The dream involved a set of designers--who had created a model of a product launch. Another collection of designers wanted to use the model and build it out in several ways--they were not dinging the original model but just wanted to do even more with it. The group that wanted to build out the model were willing to fund the entire development effort--and they hired me to review the model and solicit ideas from both teams. The idea was to take the best elements in the prototype--and merge that with the key new ideas. However, there was some bad history between the two factions--and I was finding it very difficult to do the interviews and end up with anything that could be useful. The team that I was working for were very open-minded--and let me expend the review as much as needed to come up with the a new and better design. The group who had developed the model eventually started to come around--once we began to build out the new design in an advanced model. In the dream, I felt comfortable with the process--even though it was taking much longer than planned and was costing more than had been estimated.

Went to RSB this morning--had to get up early since it was a Saturday class. I managed to do two two-minute planks in one of the activities--that's a record for me. I may have done a single two-minute plank before--but not two in a row. Must be getting stronger--will do some planking while I'm here in the house to keep up the momentum.

1619

Daughter who is dealing with alcohol problem--went to work today and has acknowledged to BH, her mate, that she needs help. Hopefully, she is starting the process that will help her--and ease some of the stress and anxiety that she's experiencing. I believe that she started drinking--on top of the antidepressant medication she takes. She didn't do a cleansing step--just dropped one and started drinking. Not a way to make such a transition--and she should know better.

The turmoil and upset that this incident created--slammed everyone else who lives here and some who don't. When someone does something like this--it affects more than just the individual.

I made it to dance class today--and did fairly well given that I didn't practice before going to class. I looked the dances up on YouTube--and watched how they were done. I did alright with the beginner/improver level dances--but tapped out on the intermediate-leveled one.

When I came home from dance class BH(my son-n-law) asked me to entertain BH(my grandson). I became aware that I need to get more games/activities/books for him to explore--the dollar store is going to get hit a lot to make this happen.)

Weather is a-changing--getting warmer and heading for the months of heat.

Dinner time--MD is downing one of her light repasts--and she will then hit the ice cream and cookies. She lives on the dairy products--and hardly ingests any vegetables or meat protein. But no one can argue with the results--101 and still ticking! Eat that ice cream --and keep on licking!

1620

Daze go by--and the chaos expands. As I was coming home from dance class yesterday--my car burped as I came down a big hill. It shifted into a lower gear--and seemed to cutoff the fuel feed. I almost went to the shoulder--but it kicked back to normal and I drove it home.

I think I've noticed other small hiccups that were similar in nature--but nothing as noticeable as yesterday. I looked up class action suits for my vehicle--and found that Ford has been served a massive settlement for cars like mine. The difficulty is that it appears that can't fix the problem--but can only go through some fixing motions and pay car owners a settlement fee for the inconvenience. There is an arbitration solution that can be pursued--where Ford either replaces the vehicle or buys it back. No matter which route is taken--it is a nuisance and takes up time and effort. I'm going to drop by the dealer and see what they say--bummer in the summer.

It appears that my daughter has a problem with alcohol--and it manifested last night with a big blowup. BH was trying to work with her since she's been drinking--and not going to work. The big dinner that she made on Sunday had upped her stress level--and she lost it last night when he accidentally shut a door on her foot. She went into a screaming hysterical fit--which took place in front of her son who couldn't know what was happening.

She's mellowed out some today--and has concurred that there is a problem. BH, here husband, is trying to work with her--but she needs some form of help to deal with what is going on with her. Maybe her mother can help--but that's a tricky road. A set of triggers set her up--her daughter's friend getting really ill, a miscarriage, family interactions and events, her job which she probably doesn't like, and life.

I skipped RSB today--I didn't sleep well last night after the blowup and I figured I might need to watch the grandson so BH can deal with what happened (and is happening).

1622-1621

For some reason I'm awake here in the early morning--waiting for the day to kick-start. I saw the PCP yesterday--and I thanked him for the work he did to trigger the medical activities when he noticed the lump on my neck.

I don't think I would have noticed the anomaly--until it had grown more.

I'm planning on going to dance class today--yesterday's RSB workout was intense. The coach/owner is getting into more is better mode--and we are doing more. I believe I did a 2 minute plank twice yesterday--that's a step up the ladder for me.

BH did the family dinner last night--nothing fancy but tasty. My daughter is ill again--she seems to collapse every few days since she miscarried. She's been exercising and eating well--but something is getting her down over and over. The stress of her job, the kids, supporting BH, et al--is wearing her down.

She's also concerned about the upcoming Make-A-Wish jaunt that JS is doing--it should be fun but it will be the first time JS and she will be apart for a length of time. When it's over and done with--it will be a good experience for JS to have had. But the initial activities to set up the trip--are adding to the stress levels. JS is also on Spring Break right now--and that's amping up BH's tasks and stresses as well. 

1624-1623

Yesterday was spent doing small tasks--and ending with a "family" meal (of relatives and friends). There were around 10 adults and 4 kids. Daughter prepared a full meal--the son-in-law's mother brought a cake and his sister brought an appetizer. Good solid food--ate a lot!

I went to the PD support group today--missed RSB class to do so. But it felt good to go there--and the RSB owner/coach gave a presentation of what RSB is all about. There were 20+ people at the meeting--and we didn't get much of chance to share since the RSB talk went for quite some time. There is a lot of interest in the RSB activity--and what it can do for someone with PD.

I'll see my PCP tomorrow--can being him up to speed on what he triggered (fortunately) when he noticed the lump on my neck last September. If he hadn't noticed it--I'd probably still be oblivious that it was there and what it was doing.

I noticed that I missed going to RSB today--in order to do to PD group. I could try and make it up by going to the evening class--but I'm not up for doing that just yet. My biggest worry/concern is with the issues identified in Friday's colonoscopy--the issues of there being a growth in the area of the cecum and what that implies for dealing with it. I am so tired of having to deal with everything in my life through my the filter of my health--filtering or relating everything I do as to what it means in terms of my health or the need for medical intervention.

I try to rationalize what I'm doing by assuming that it is good to fix those any problems now--rather than having to do it later when I might lose my insurance or such. I spent 65 years not paying a lot of attention to physical health problems--and have now spent the past 13 years doing nothing but paying attention to them. I guess I should be happy that I had such a long period of unconcern--it's just that I would like the remainder of my time to be more 65ish than 13ish. What can I do to make that happen--try and fix what is obviously broken now and keep striving to get back into 65ish mode.

1625

Well I survived yesterday--but went to bed early and tried to make up some of the time I spent on the throne. The prep was much worse than the procedure--I don't sense anything related to what the GI activity did. No pain--no strain.

I went to RSB class this morning--only five of us showed up. I didn't notice anything unusual related to yesterday's events--it was a good workout and more fun than yesterday. After class I stopped and got a juice drink from Nectar--and I've been drifting along since then. Napped for a short while--then zoned out on YouTube. Went to the markets and picked up some items--I'm thinking about eating something soon. Haven't had a lot so far today--and feel the need to down some calories. I've had a couple of sweet rolls, a smoothie, a bagel, some fresh juice, some snacks, and a Frap. Not much protein in all that--will do a chicken dish that has a goodly amount of protein plus some veggies and such.

The Frap had some caffeine--so don't need to drink a power drink as well. Plan on resting this evening--and spending tomorrow doing some cleanup of the stacks of stuff in my room. I've accumulated several piles of old documents and such--most of which is now dated and of no reason to keep around.

One of the RSB coaches has a pro fight tonight--brave soul! It is a venue in SF--which makes it a somewhat big deal. Wishing him luck and good fortune--may he win and win well.

1627-1626

Made it through the purge--and now have photos of my colon. The purge was difficult--painful, time consuming, disgusting, no sleep, and living on the toilet. The procedure was a piece of cake--compared to the prep. The two bottle of liquid that I drank--blasted right through my system. It happened in minutes--no waiting around.

The last thing I recall was the attendant asking me to flip over onto my left side--the next thing I recall was hearing someone speaking my name and me waking up (but not wanting to do so--I wanted to sleep more.

Given how the procedure works--I have no residual effects. It is like nothing happened--and yet something did. But other than being tired--I am not feeling any post-operative sensations.

It was wonderful to eat something when I got home--I had not eaten any kind of food for over a day. I just had an apple, orange, and some smoked salmon--yummy-yummy! My taste buds seem like they are cranked open--and relishing in the flavors and textures.

Unfortunately, there was something near the cecum--that will need to be removed and examined. I guess I should do what is needed--while I have insurance.

I'm finishing up my laundry--I thought it best to wash everything and change the bed linens. Will go to RSB in the morning--have to keep up the movement and I may not go to RSB on Monday (there is a PD support group meeting).

Easter Sunday this weekend--daughter is hosting a family dinner.

1630-1628

Days go by--and I grow weary with the drift. I'm losing it--or I think I am and that's making it happen. I spent the last week or so wobbling--ratcheting back and forth while going over and over the few things I needed to do. I kept forgetting--and dealing with the answers to the questions that will be raised on 3/23 in the GI procedure.

I spent a lot of the time (well maybe not a lot and that might be the problem) trying to get a prescription for the purge juice--the stuff that will clean me out so the doctor can get a good look. The product that the GI people wanted to use was not in the formulary--and that triggered a round (and a round) of doctor/pharmacist exchanges. The bottom line is that the formulary rules--and not being there prevents patient from getting it. The doctor's office had a welcome solution--they gave me a free sample which they had in their stock. Saved me a bunch of dollars--and let me get on with figuring out how to take the stuff. There's a couple of recommended administrative strategies--none that appeared to work for me. So I had to posit an alternative route--one that is not ideal but that will get the job done at some cost to my sleeping pattern.

Among other things beyond my GI list--me leaving my boxing gloves at the gym (or they were stolen), doing my taxes (and finally discovering that I had no data in a slot that I thought did have some), having a huge bowel movement (way before the time I'm supposed to have one when I get the GI examination), and lots of other moments (like when I discovered my wallet was not in my pocket and finding it aside my car seat where it could have easily fallen onto the ground as I opened the door).

I went to dance class today (where I got to continue my big bowel movement)--and enjoyed the movement and the music. Dancing balances the stress of my health issues--and hopefully will help disappear those distractors.

Will go to RSB in the morning--to see if I left my gloves there and that they are not stolen. Then will begin the purge around midday--and begin the initial steps of a 24-hour activity. A way to go--along with the show.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

1632-1631

Crazy weather--rain and cold and sunshine and wind. I just got a haircut--and will be getting a pedicure in a short while. I am starting to prepare for the medical procedure at the end next week--have adjusted my diet, am doing lots of exercise, and am trying to heal and disappear the disturbance on the side of my neck.

In the Rusch Park dance class there is a new student--there is something about her that I find very attractive. She's not all that good looking--there's just something about her that grabs my attention. I will talk with her--and see what is going on with her and my interest in her. She is a good dancer--and is comfortable and smooth with her dancing and movements.

I've been having vivid dreams--all of which seem to involve a tribe of exotic people. In most of the episodes I am some kind of advisor to a female--who is the head of the tribe and is almost goddess-like in her manner and demeanor. I feel somewhat anxious in all of these dreams--I have doubts about my competence and am always having second doubts about whatever we are dealing with.

I keep having dreams where I am helping people who have lost some part of their assets or abilities--I am an ombudsman whose helps them argue their cases and procure the return of what they have lost. The role I play is important--but I always feel that it is tentative and could be cancelled at any time.

Well time for a pedicure--trim my toes to match my nose. Or clip my hair--make my pate bare.

1633

Rainy days are here again--rain drops are falling all around me. Last night there were big thunder storms--with lightning hitting close by.

Today is BH's birthday--he turns 2. We'll do a low key celebration--he's already had a big birthday event along with his step-sister.

I've done RSB and dancing this week--although I missed dance class on Wednesday. Today's RSB felt really good--I had gone to RSB on Monday/Tuesday. I felt like I was strong--that I had stamina. I had a massage on Tuesday--that was really helpful. I was kinked up quite a lot--and the bodywork got me unkinked and moving.

I totally nodded off this afternoon--was on the couch and just nodded and slept.

I'm starting to fade as the day moves on--but I'll not do an energy drink. I've got a cache of fresh made juice (fruit and veggies)--and will let dinner give me a boost. May nap before dinner--as soon as I can do so--am sitting with BH while his dad is running an errand.

I didn't eat very much today so far--will do more bit more with dinner. Will dance tomorrow--and box and dance on Saturday.

1635-1634

Hawking passed -- I didn't post yesterday (or the two days before)... I got tangled up yesterday and didn't make it to dance class and everything else...

1636

RSB had 21 people this morning--big class that had a lot of energy. The coach called up Irish music--which is very energetic and lively.

I was up and down all of last night--anytime I turn on my side (either one) it triggers my bladder and I have to get up and pee. It seemed that I was flipping and flopping every hour--from the time I went to bed (early) until it turned to morning and I had to head for class.

Before I got up and out I called up the latest POW information--and watched a couple of videos that talked about punching (striking, kicking). One video focused on speed--a second on power. The piece on power showed how a woman who weighs less than a big man--had the punch with the most power. When she punched--she got her whole body into the strike. She punched so hard that she broke the punch-dummy--knocked it into pieces.

I just had a chance to ask MD's caregiver if she was available to shepard me on the 23rd--when I go in for a colonoscopy. She said that she could do it--takes some stress off to have that covered.

Now, still have MD's photo of her daughter to put up--need to do it and get it out of the queue. I screwed up getting the hangers that I bought--using them will make removing/moving the print. I put the velcro fasteners on the back of the print--and they will just have to stay there when the actual supports are put in place. I should know better--I'm not very adept at doing things simply. I seem to always choose a path that is complicated--and upon reflection makes no sense.

I need to get something to eat--I've only had a smoothie, a bagel, a Frap, and a few ounces of fresh squeezed juice (green apple plus veggies and more).

1638-1637

Long day--with DST altering the clocks and the readings causing an hour to disappear. Where did it go--and what was recorded in that lost period?

RSB yesterday--and despite the few people who do a Saturday class it was still worthwhile. Moving and being active--the only way to go.

Not much to report--will do an RSB session tomorrow--and another on Tuesday. Have Trager sessions on the schedule--and dance classes. Have started the search for someone who can help me with the medical event on 3/23--don't have a lot of options since I don't really know that many people. I have become quite isolated--and out of touch with people. My focus has been on the illnesses--and not so much on others. Not a good situation--and I need to alter that condition.

Will ask A, MD's caregiver, if she is available that day--I am willing to pay her for her time.

The clock says it's 8pm--but my body-clock knows it's really 7pm.

I've had a cluster of vivid dreams--they have been quite realistic and I seem to be having solid lucid imaginings. In one dream I was talking with someone--and I awoke because I was actually speaking aloud. When I noted that I was actually talking--I startled myself awake.

1641-1639

Danced on Wednesday--boxed on Thursday and will dance again today. Been in a blurry state for the past few days--last Tuesday was a long day. Met with the oncologist--and BH made Family Night dinner. Wednesday the ex and her MN friend came by for dinner--which BH also created for that event.

Had a good workout on Thursday--but was really tired afterward. Didn't sleep all that well last night either--the upcoming medical procedure and its results are on my mind. Dancing today will be a good thing to do--I've made my SB's run this morning and I took a short nap for an hour or so.

I went by the juice place that is on the way home from RSB class yesterday--and got a cleansing potion made with green apples and other green things. It tasted really good--I had half yesterday and the other half this morning. I had also made some blender juice/puree on my own--and have had that over the past few days as well. The clean taste of these items is really healthy feeling--I'm hoping that  these foods will help purge my system and get rid of the lymphoma issue.

Will do a lot of boxing and dancing over the next two weeks--which will put me in a good state for the colonoscopy on 3/23/18.

Well time to be off to dancing--keep on moving and juicing.

1644-1642

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday--and the daze go by. Did go to RSB on Saturday and Monday--but Sunday and today are floaters. Will be headed to GI doctor later this afternoon--to set up whatever is next in the medical flowstorm.

The good news is that I'll be getting my health in place--before the politicians wreck Obamacare and more. I need to be healthy in the coming years--I won't be in financial shape to deal with multiple medical events. I'm watching my nutrition--and starting to eat better than I've ever done.

I'm focusing on raw foods mostly--and cutting back on items that don't contribute to staying healthy. I've found a store, Nuggets, that has the best selection of organic foods in the area--expensive organic foods but the best. Can watch for sales--and I don't really need much of a variety. Can also start going to Sprouts--which is close and has a fair selection of healthy items.

Just have to weather the next few months of medical stuff--plus keep up with boxing, dancing and fooding. So it is--and so it shall be!

1647-1645

Yesterday seemed like along day--even though I didn't get up and about until noon. Picked up some fruit and nuts--and found the juicer and made some fresh juice. It's quite a process--despite the fancy technology. I spent a long time just finding the device--it had been put away in MD's closet in her office. Juicing is but one of the steps I'm taking on the nutrition front--going to do more organic items and other steps that help build up my immune system and get rid of this lump once and for all.

Went to the Friday dance class--and it felt good doing so. Although I'm having movement issues--and can't seem to remember steps all that well.

Went to RSB class this morning--despite the cold and rain. Had a small class--but the coach worked us hard. I came home and made a light lunch--and went down for a nap. I had a V8 Fusion drink with lunch--so I didn't nap too long. I just got back from grabbing a Horchata at SB's--the warm spicy drink made the cold and weather go away.

There's no RSB class on Tuesday--the coach's husband is undergoing surgery for his arm strain.

Have an R&R day tomorrow--then an RSB class on Monday. Starting to do research on nutrition--and using organic food items. Going this route may be a bit more expensive--but I either spend in on good food or I spend it on medical. The good food path makes a lot of sense--and spending it on medical is no fun at all.

There's a dance tomorrow--I'll wait and see how I feel as the time of the dance comes closer. I may go if it feels right--otherwise there's other Sunday dances to go to when the time is right.