1496

End of July--first of August. Time flies--or looks like some kind of bug.

Daughter is heading into rehab today (I hope)--she and spouse had a yelling match last night which frightened the grandson. They were loud--and really angry-sounding.

I made it to an Al-Anon meeting last night--there were about 100 people attending. I was blown away by the large group--the stories that were shared (mostly by the "birthday" people) were moving. Lots of brave people in the world--lots of courage.

I did a light set of exercises this morning--while awaiting word from my daughter regarding her plans. She is checking into a residential treatment place--for about a month. Lots of time--lots of time for insights. The exercises left me a bit buzzy--but I need to keep doing something everyday. Have to get myself back to RSB and dancing--along with Alan Alda. He's doing the boxing--and encourages everyone to keep moving.

I drank a V8 Fusion--to try and wake me up. Even though I slept fairly well last night--I'm dragging today (or this morning). My daughter's news help boost me a little bit--but I'm not yet feeling a lift or such.

I ate a fair breakfast--eggs, lox, cinnamon muffin, peanut butter, ginger jam. And suddenly it's almost the for lunch--took my meds but holding off eating for a while.

Plan B--I keep thinking about Plan B. I'm looking through the classifieds--getting a feel for what's available. Not sure it's the right thing to pursue--but I need to be prepared for a change of situation (locally and/or globally).

1498-1497

Met with the doctor today--and I'm free for three years. About then, I should schedule a followup colonoscopy--to see if there's anything that needs attention. Good news--on that front.

Not so good on my daughter's--she got booted from the rehab queue and has not been reinstated yet. Time is passing--and the upset that the rehab place help create is causing a reverb here at home. She and her spouse are having yelling matches--and shouting at each other versus settling down and supporting each other.

On my front, I'm treading water--trying to kick-start my immune system and energy levels. I made the mistake of trying to order a brain booster supplement--one that looks like it part of a scam. I'm getting robocalls from a robovoice that says I almost completed my order--and all I need do is call this number (the one they give me) and everything can be handled.

The problem was that I couldn't finish the order--their website kept doing weird things. In the process I noted that the image of what they said they were sending was another product. I stopped trying to place the order--and logged out of the site. Live and never learn--or something along those lines.

There is an AA meeting tonight--just down the road from the house. I keep telling myself that I should go--but my executive function is not very strong and I can see myself easily punting any such activity. That won't help my daughter--but perhaps I can guilt-trip myself to go and see what I can take away that will be of value (to her, her kids, her spouse, to me, to her mother, and to the world in general).

I did a few core-related exercises today (and yesterday)--I just need to expand any such activities and get back to RSB and dancing even if I spend more time in my car than doing workouts.

1499

Bummer--Daughter went to check in to program and was told that she couldn't attend. There was some miscommunication concerning when she could start--and she was not admitted.

What a wrong thing to have happen--given what the program is all about (building trust and so on). BH had to go to work--so he brought her back home and left for his long shift. She's looking into a resource that will do outpatient work--but it's the weekend (or half of the weekend) and all manner of things to be cleared before anything can happen. She's using up her sick days--which she only has a limited number of.

More chaos--and more changes. Not what I need to be doing--grandkids are here and adding that element as well (noise and more).

I stopped doing V8 Fusions--I'm feeling like I've got too much going on and the caffeine isn't helping. Sticking with green tea drinks for a while--and see if I level down some.

1500

The world is too much with us--impossible burgers that bleed. All manner of synthetic foodstuffs--most of which is not really digestible. Watching cattle much their way through troughs of GMO grain--a food stock that provides no nourishment but that just helps the hapless beasts put on weight as they make their way to the dinner tables.

I slept in this morning--I was up several times  in the early morning. But I finally conked out--and awoke when the morning was almost gone. I went to the doctor's office--and filled out a record's request. Theoretically, my records will make their way to Dr. C's office--in time for my session with him later in August.

I watched the documentary Magic Pill last night--it was a bit jumbled but got the message across about GMO foods and illnesses. I plan on looking at the keto diet more closely and seeing if there's anything I should be doing to help restore my energies and immune system activities.

I seem to get a brief spurt of energy when I drink a SB's latte--or eat some protein-heavy foods. But I'm sitting (or laying) for long periods of time--awakening feeling somewhat rested but a sensation that dissipates quickly.

Ketosis--who knowsis?

1501

Another hot day--over 100 degrees and looks like that'll be the story for the next week or beyond. I'm wrestling with my energy level--can't seem to jumpstart my metabolism. Just want to lay down--and close my eyes.

I managed to get up in the afternoon--and did some walking around the living room. Did about 12 minutes--plus some light core work. The activity seems to have helped wake me up--but I'm feeling wobbly and wonky.

Plan on eating light tonight--yogurt, fruit, and a small bit of ice cream.

Daughter and my ex went out for the day--treating themselves before the ax falls this weekend and the daughter enters a program. I've been trying to not obsess over the whole thing--just go with the flow and see where it takes us over the next few weeks.

I think what's about to take place will truncate by return to RSB--and getting back in shape. I think it will be September before everything settles--and I can resume what I was doing a year ago. It's taken me an entire year to work my way through the medical issues--and deal with the surgeries and tests. Not exactly what I had in mind last year when I was zooming through the Big program--and discovered there were medical problems.

The combination of this year-long hiatus of my exercise program--and the various shifts and changes taking place (new grandson, daughter's issues, ex-wife moving in, MD falling and needing a whole new level of caregiver, and my medical issues and more) have kicked up my PD symptoms and anxieties. PD does not do well with uncertainty and turmoil--and my past year has been only that seems.

Suddenly quiet here--laundry done, phone not ringing, TV off grandson napping, and MD not tripping her yell bell. Even the local traffic--is still for a change.

1502

Somewhat quieter day--but daughter and partner are sparring with one another. Temperature is around 106--battle temperature is higher than that but I suppose it will all have to be expressed and dealt with in some manner.

I spent the day (daze) doing nothing of consequence--although did manage to get an appointment with the oncologist (finally). He's on vacation (of course)--I hope he's enjoying the Grecian islands.

I can't seem to shift myself into any kind of go mode--I walked a bit this afternoon but it's way to warm to go outside. I also did a few pushups, planks, dips, squats and such--just to make myself move and see if any of the surgical areas would complain. I feel good--still a bit tight and hunched over but relatively pretty good.

The DNA supplements I'm taking seem to be shifting my energies around--I seem to feel light bursts of flow and go but overall just can't muster any greater energetic action. I also think I've been sleeping better--even though I'm still getting up to make bathroom runs throughout the night.

Last night, as I fell asleep, I ended up getting out of bed--and engaging in a waking dream. I was up and out of the bed--talking with dream characters--about what I had perceived was a break in with people moving about the place and taking stuff. I thought that B. the grandson, had gotten out of his crib--and had come into my room and was on the floor asleep.  I spoke to him several times--and that was when I realized that I was dreaming. I crawled back into the bed--and went to sleep.

BH fixed a tasty dinner--he grilled some chicken and we rolled up hefty burritos. He had rubbed the chicken with a great-tasting spice mixture--before putting it on the grill. Was very good--I ate a giant one that I made that was way too big to eat normally. But I managed to get it down--as did everyone else.

1503

Things have grown quiet on the hectic front--Daughter is talking with resources for entering a rehab program. She gets some time off of work--and has to be rehired once she completes the program(s). She and BH are enjoying the sun today--and hopefully making plans regarding how they are going to deal with the issues involved.

Tings feel much quieter and open--given that she has acknowledged the state she was in and what she needs to do to make whatever changes are necessary to restore order and balance.

BH is going to have to make some big moves on his part--to absorb all that has transpired and all that's yet to come.

I'm having problems with my gait and balance--aggravated by the turmoil and upset that was happening over the daughter's issues. PD is not happy with turmoil, upset, and stress/uncertainty--and I've not had my release RSB sessions to bleed off the tensions. I've got to start moving--and getting back on the exercise wagon. I can start small--and build up the momentum but mainly I must start doing anything that gets me going. I've found it difficult to restart after so much down time--and my legs/feet are feeling like they are dead weights. My leg muscles are complaining with just a small amount of effort being expended--and I need to move beyond that hurdle and and get back to being mobile.

Just had a lunch of BBQ ribs--which I've been craving. Had a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast--and an English muffin with ginger spread and peanut butter. Drank a V8 Fusion with the ribs--I seem to be really thirsty and am drinking a lot of the ICE flavored sodas.

The Fusion woke me up--and I'm coasting along right now. It's still early in the afternoon--lots of time left in the remainder of the day. Let's see what I can do--keep moving that's what I'll do!

1509-1504

Wild week--and more on the way! Daughter has agreed to get some help with her binge drinking problem--mainly she's agreed that she has a problem and needs to get it handled. She's looking into doing a program that deals with addiction--either in a residential program or an outpatient setting. Maybe both--like a week long residential that morphs into an outpatient routine.
In any case, she's moving in the right direction--and is getting help with what she couldn't possibly be doing on her own. Her partner is not doing well with everything--he seems to be less supportive than one might suspect given the seriousness of the situation. He seems to be taking everything quite personally--and is being accusatory and judgmental. Hopefully, as she starts to clean up--he will let go of his reservations and work to help her rather than trying to shift blame.

Waking up Saturday morning--and finding the bottle she had hidden was the worst morning of my life. I felt completely helpless--and felt like the world was caving in and there was nothing I could do to keep it from blowing up.

Thank goodness there are resources and people like her boss--that can help her turn all of this craziness around. I'm feeling very hopeful right now--way beyond the funk I was in after dealing with this issue over the past week. There is sunshine--and it is clearing up the darkness.

1513-1510

Daze go by--and daze do fly. There is something in my eye--don't know exactly why. Maybe I'll see things clearly now--my oh my.

July is now half way done--and there is no breakthrough or morning sun. I'm gimping and limping along--making my way from one nap to another. I can't seem to find the go button for my life--I keep careening off the road and getting lost in the undergrowth.

I wink out for days at a time--sleep, eat, and lose track of events. No continuity to my life--just a series of random events linked together by a blurry calendar and brief interludes of waking.

My BP is low--and seems to be pegged at that level no matter what is happening. I miss exercising--but can't kick-start my desire to do get moving.

Have a Trager session booked for later this afternoon--maybe SMcD can give me a jolt of energy or help me generate some traction in that direction.

I had a green tea latte--and a V8 Fusion both of which contain some caffeine. Will see if this infusion helps lift the veil--and wakes me from my lethargy. Tonight is family night dinner--but I'm leery of what may transpire. My daughter and BH are battling over something--despite their pretenses of nothing happening. Their turmoils are registering in my psyche--and I feel unnerved by whatever they are dealing with. Just got a sign from BH that all is not well--and it hasn't been for several days.

1514

Friday the 13th--and the living is easy. Family is off to the waterpark--and M's care team is here probably for the last time (except for A, M's caregiver). A will only be here today and next Monday--then she's off for a couple of weeks.

Don't know what's planned for A's time away--hopefully TD has something planned. Doing a full time, 24-7 coverage is very difficult--on everyone, MD and all.

I continue to eat a fair amount--english muffin with PB and J plus a scrambled egg(s) with cheese for breakfast. I eased up last night on dinner--but ended up eating a couple of decadent desserts concocted by the daughter's tribe. Very rich and very sweet--not exactly what I should be eating right before bed.

All for now--I feel wobbly. Time for morning/noontime meds--and some lunch perhaps.

1515

I feel tired--really tired. I slept last night but awoke early. I slept some into the late morning--and then again in the afternoon. I downed a V8 Fusion--and woke up some in the late afternoon. I'm coasting now--but could probably conk out again if I were to lay down.

Got the OK from the medical group--to see Dr. C, the oncologist.

MD had some of her care team here today--and tomorrow may be their last visit even though she fell a few days ago. S, the nurse counselor will probably stop by to end things.

I ordered the DNA supplement--that's supposed to restore and refresh the DNA elements that deal with energy and stamina. We shall see--we shall see.

I'm eating quite a lot--had an English muffin, a yogurt, and blue berries and then an Amy's frozen entree (muttar paneer), a V8 Fusion, some ice cream, misc snacks, and whatever I decide to have for dinner. I seem to be hungry--with no particular pattern as to what I'm eating/craving.

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th--a day of good fortune. May it be so--may it be!

1517-1516

Hot days--almost 100 every day. I would like to get out and walk--but I have to go early in the morning if I want to avoid the heat. And yesterday and today had a flood of MD's care team in and out--she fell yesterday morning and that sent a bunch of ripples across the pond. Meanwhile, the team keeps adding items to the room and protocols--chairs, benches, pills, routines and such.

I just wanted to sleep yesterday and today--and I did so. Unfortunately, I didn't sleep well last night. I hooked into one of the infomercials for a supplement--and I ordered it. Will give it a spin--and see if it does what it promises (more energy, more endurance, and so on).

I got a 90-day supply--will give it a good test and see where it goes. My energy is definitely off--the surgery seems to have diminished my energy levels and I can't seem to recoup. I did a 15 minute walk this morning--which I had to do just get out and move. I was on the edge of not doing anything--but I know that is not going to work.

I just made a run to the market--and picked up the mail. Am sitting in the cool living room with the ceiling fan spinning--and downing a V8 Fusion to help bridge the afternoon. Plan on eating light tonight--yogurt and fruit (and maybe a scoop of ice cream).

I had thought about going to dance today--but i couldn't focus enough to make it happen. Maybe next week--along with walking 20 minute reps Is possible--anything is possible.

1518

MD's care team were all here this morning--like gaggle of geese. They are about to wind up their activities--since she is progressing and they can withdraw resources when she starts to demonstrate competency.

I slept through most of it--I had some breakfast and went back to sleep. Later, as the place cleared--I went out for a grocery run, came home and ate some lunch, and went back to sleep.

The foam block that I bought really does the job--it allows me to lay horizontally and be relaxed enough to just nod off.

I didn't do a walk early this morning--and it's turned really hot outside. I thought about going to RSB--but I couldn't generate the enthusiasm to do so.

It's almost dinner time--not sure what I want to eat.

Got a B-day invitation for the 80th celebration of an old friend--RS. Not sure where it's going to take place--but I would like to attend. Will make plans to get there--wherever it takes place.

1519

Started the 15 minute walks this morning--7.5 minutes out and 7.5 minutes back. Cool in the early morning--I jumped into the shower before I did the trek.

Came back and had some breakfast--then went horizontal for a while. Relatively quiet here today--compared to the days when MD's care team flocked gathered here.

I dreamed last night--something related to my hospital stay and see doctors afterward.

Just grabbed a bit for lunch--blueberries and yogurt with cream on top. Refreshing and tasty--no caffeine yet today but will do some somewhere along the way. Will have to try the new SB's avocado frap--with a chocolate seed on top. Hmmm--maybe just once!

Trying to pull my thoughts together--and plan out what I need to do for exercise and restoration. I don't seem to have a very long attention span--my thoughts bounce from one this to another. I can't seem to settle down--and do anything constructive or very organized.

Daze upon daze--and the clock keeps turning while the daze shuffle by. Would like to get back to RSB--even if I just go there and sit out the activities. Perhaps tomorrow--perhaps not. We shall see said the sea--while it's rushing over me.

1522-1520

Lost a couple of days after the 4th--now the 7th. I've been sleeping a lot--or I think I have been doing so. Tonight I'm having trouble going to sleep--after the past three days of being out of it.

Thursday and Friday were filled with MD's health team--they descended in mass and put her through all manner of care giving and such.

I just huddled in my room while all of that was going on--emerging later in the day to skip out briefly and pick up a few things from the grocery etc.

Today, I've felt groggy most of the day--I awoke early yesterday and today and I did some short walks. Tomorrow, I'll increase the walking time to 15 minutes--up from 10 this last week. I didn't manage to do as many reps as I wanted to do--but I still felt stronger after doing some reps. I'll keep on going--and see where I go.

1523

Boom, Boom--the fireworks flash. Rockets go up--and the world goes around. I'm feeling logy--can't seem to find my groove. Downing a V8 to see if that picks me up--I slept in this morning but also got up and out as well.

I like my new pillow--foam wedge that lifts my legs and feet in order to diminish swelling and such. I awoke last night with intense itching in my calves--I swabbed on some oatmeal ointment and it cooled everything down.

Daughter et al are heading over to BH's sister's place--for a 4th day feasting and awaiting for the fireworks. The kids will get into the pool--and not get enough rest.

Daughter and mate are into some kind of funk--and it's weighing things down. The mate is pissed over something that she's done--and he's punishing her for it.

He cooked a seafood feast last night--but the taste of the food and to get through the haze produced by the funk. I ate my share--one of my first real meals since I came home from the hospital.

I'm going in and out to keep myself moving--but I need to do more plain old walking. Got to stretch those gut muscles--where the cuts were made during the surgery. My energy level is not on the high side--keep bumping along, waiting for the switch to click and send things back to "go".

1524

Saw the PCP today--and completed the near final step of this 9-month activity of exploring my health. I'm ready for some fun exercise--and dancing. All instead of dancing to the medical centers--and dealing with the details associated with a batch of illnesses.

I'm not 100%--I seem to tire easily and my stamina is not there as it was 9 months ago. But, with care and taking it easy--I should be able to restore and reset. Also, I can keep watch on my nutrition--and feed my body what it needs to recoup.

The foam pillow that I ordered arrived--and it felt great when I used it to elevate my legs/feet. I'm looking forward to using that item--and helping eliminate my feet swelling and muscles cramping when I sleep.

Tonight is Tuesday--family night. BH says we are going to have a crab fest--should be perfect batch of food for my body. I ate quite a bit today already--english muffin, peanut butter, ginger jam, flat bread with salmon, V8 Fusion, yogurt, ICE drinks, gatorade, and a few other items. Oh, yes--I had a horchata Frap (first in quite a while),

MD had a cadre of people here with her yesterday and today--with more coming after the 4th. She's received a bunch of wheelchairs--so she's getting more mobile (or gets pushed around by willing care people).

Happy 4th everyone--may the explosions lift the spirits and elevate the dreams.

1525

Talked with the C&R doctor today--and all is well. The growth that was removed (along with part of my colon--was pre-cancerous and he feels that he excised enough of it and surrounding tissue so that there is no need for additional surgery or chemo. A colonoscopy in a few years should be considered as a preventative measure--but for now I should be clear (of both the lymphoma and the polyp). I'll see him in a month--just as a followup to make sure all is healing.

It's going to take months for me to return to the physical state I was in--when the whole medical dance was initiated. I plan on going slow--and not do anything that disrupts my healing process. The first month will be mostly walking exercises--followed by a 2nd month of light aerobic workouts. Hope to be doing some gentle RSB starting in the 3rd month--and from there rebuilding my core strength.

I will see if I can weave some dancing into the mix--I'm having a lot of leg/foot problems (heavy festination and jerky slow movements. I would think that the walking would smooth out some of this behavior...but it seems to have gotten worse. I think the surgery is the culprit--will just have to work it out of my system and go from there.

It is quite smoggy outdoors today--forest fires to the north and east are pushing smoke our way. It looks like there is a haze over everything--hazy, lazy, crazy world.

I'm trying to think of something tasty for dinner--I'm burnt out on all of the items I've been eating. I'm ready for something tasty--and surprising. I could do a Del's pizza--but I'm not sure if my stomach is up for such a richness just yet. I've been overloading on ice-cream--but that's what really tastes good.

1530-1526

July the first--and soon to be the 4th and noise. I'm recovering--had a few bowel movements. Will see the doctor tomorrow--and get my stitches pulled.

I've started a slow ramp exercise regime--3-4 10 minute walks the first week. Then 15 minute, 20 minute, and 30 minute jaunts--over the next few weeks. In my initial forays--I discovered that my legs are weak and 10 minutes is a long time it seems.

Slow and go is the rule--it will take several weeks to build up my stamina and before I can even begin any aerobic activity. I won't get back to RSB until August or September--and then only in measured doses. Will have to see if that's also true with dancing--my legs are not moving smoothly.

I'm eating quite a bit--compared to my pre-surgical adventures. I'm enjoying ingesting ice cream--and a lot of things I was not eating before the operation. But I know that I've got to exercise--and restore what I've lost in the surgical episode.

So for now it's lots of walking--every day just keep on walking.