5898

The New Medicine--a show on PBS that looks (slightly) at Integrative Medicine and what's being done. Not as much time spent on mind/body/spirit interventions as on behavioral adjustments being made by the medical professions. But, it spoke to some things that have direct application to what I'm doing and where I am.

Covered some aspect of the role that "hope" plays as well as patient-directed strategies. Some people, like the woman who had had eight operations on her intestinal system, spoke really clearly of the role that her attitude played in getting her where she is today--alive and living a life.

I have much to do to get where I'd like to be. But, I'm on the right track and I'm getting there one step at a time. So be it! It will be!

It was a good day. Did laundry in record time. Picked up a couple of DVDs with comedies. Didn't get in my regular walk today. Ate a lot of protein. Brewing some Smooth Move tea to help keep the stomach channel flowing. Tea time! Later than usual for me recently. Goodly night!

5899

Been a rainy, quiet day. My tremor is also quiet today. Perhaps the quietest day in a long while. I got up later than normal (slept in--I was really tired last night--good tired from yoga class), did Qigong, ate and went for a walk in a light rain.

Walk was good. Gait smooth for the most part and not much dragging with the right leg. I've noticed that if I bounce along instead of trudging my gait is better, more relaxed, and smoother. Came back and rested before heading out around noon to do some errands. Came back and ate (salmon burger) and rested once again. The tremor seems to like me getting a lot of rest.

Rebecca suggested that I make sure and watch at least one or more funny movies each week. I was going to walk down to the video store and pick up a few. Will do that either tonight or tomorrow. Need to pick up a set of ear phones so I can turn up the sound and not disturb my neighbors.

I stockpiled some soups and such today. Wanted to have some light meals on hand for those times when I've eaten enough during the day and just want a snack meal. My cupboards are getting filled. Trader Joe's is getting rich.

Been reading a collection of stories by a new writer, Christopher Coake, called "We're in Trouble." Good writing and good reading. Stories are edgy and slightly dark. Characters are well done and stories well plotted.

So been a lazy, hazy couple of days, but ones that were on the plus side vis-a-vis tremors and associated symptoms. May there be only more such days and nights.

5900

Winds, rain and coldness today. I made it out for my walk just ahead of the deluge and the falling temperatures. After my walk, I climbed back under the covers and slept/rested for a while. Felt good; felt right.

Rebecca's coaching from yesterday stayed in front of my thoughts all day. Later today, I went to yoga class (after considering not going what with the inclement weather--which brought up more coaching points) and it was great! After class and after eating dinner, I noticed a quietening of my tremor/arm/right side. Yoga class was all about relaxing and letting go of tension. Had the same substitute instructor as last week. Her style is different from Jackie's (more detached and less heart), but equally effective. I found myself shaking in class, in certain postures, but being immensely quiet now.

My mind is like a rabbit, jumping here, there and everywhere. Or jumping like this dog I saw today. It was in a car and was jumping from the front seats to the rear, back and forth, like it was on springs. I don't see how the woman who was driving could drive safely. The dog was jumping into and out of her lap. He was not a small dog! His weight crashing into her lap had to be painful. But anyway, my mind is like that dog--bouncing from one topic to the next. It was really noticeable in yoga class where we were being encouraged to relax and let go. I couldn't help but notice how my mind chatter was pulling back into tension, into thinking about everything but relaxing.

After I noticed what was happening, I was able to just focus, relax and let go. Good lesson, good dog lesson, for today and every day.

All in all, it was a good day in spite of the weather. One of the better days I've had. Looking forward to more like this one. It's up to me!

5901

Met with Rebecca on nutrition plan. Trip over and back was harrowing--rain, fog, mists, puddles of water on the roadway, debris along the shoulder from the eroding hillsides, and lots of vehicles.

Session with Rebecca ended up being more of a coaching session on recovery and the work involved. I mentioned the message board and the horde of recent messages from people who have been in the program. She had gotten some feedback from another client who experienced the same feelings I had when reading the notes. Based on the coaching session, I guess I had let the messages (the content of them) work their way into my psyche. I was shaking like a leaf--partially from the drive, but more so because of the negative thoughts I was running over the content of the messages (spent a lot of time, still having symptoms, went for 15 months to treatments, and so forth). I know that I don't know the detailed circumstances for each of the people writing the messages--but I still allowed what they said to derail me, to get me off track.

Rebecca is good--really sharp. She picked up my state of being and launched into coach-mode to set be back on track. It worked! By the time I got home, which as I've noted was not an easy drive, I was feeling OK and the tremor (which had been really active after the drive over and during the coaching work) went quiet. When I got home, the tremor grew still! Partly a result of getting back to my home base, but also due to her coaching.

She gave me some good ideas that I will incorporate (schedule fun/laughter, look for and get images/names of models, keep some motivational reading handy, make what I'm doing important, and much more--forgiveness list, unresolved issues list, and more). We both agreed that what I'm doing, if done correctly, will take time and will require a lot of discipline and dedication. And, that in 12 months there will be changes as long as I stick with it.

Anyway, went over to discuss diets and got food for the heart and mind. I am grateful that I'm working with such dedicated people. Fading out now! Time to get horizontal!

5902

Today was a mixed bag in terms of how I felt. Awoke feeling a little buzzy, but did Qigong, had breakfast, and felt somewhat better. Went to meditation healing group where tremor became pronounced. My right arm and side kept stiffening, especially as we sat. Breathing into it helped, but by the end of the session I was back to feeling really buzzy. I walked home by taking a long route, Walking felt good even if my feet/legs felt heavy and stiff.

Rested some when I returned. Then got up and out to pick up some groceries and have lunch at DeeDee's. As I ate, I kept experiencing my hands/arms feeling heavy and not all that coordinated. After eating, I went by L's and let her dog out for a bit. The dog was listless, about as listless as I was feeling. He seemed to think that since I was there that his owners weren't going to be coming home. He's been mourning the fact that L's son has been out of town. Now, he seemed to be thinking, L is gone as well. Woe is me!

Anyway, I sat with him for about an hour and then came back home. I read and rested some. Apartment was warm--a preview of summer times to come! I managed to write checks for a few bills and the rent. That process was very frustrating. My handwriting was exceptionally poor today (heavy arms/hands) and made the simple task a chore and a challenge.

L called and reported on her journey to the city for a seminar on wealth. Sounded like she got a lot out of the workshops/talks. B called to say hello. He's in between trips to Utah. It's starting to cool down some now. I'm feeling a bit more awake and less buzzy, but heavy. Have to visualize lightness--the unbearable lightness of being.

Tomorrow, I meet with Rebecca in the afternoon for a health history review--and that will give her all the data she needs to do a nutritional plan. Have to remember to take all my supplements with me in case she needs to know what I'm taking now.

The heaviness and stiffness I'm experiencing is about the worse I've felt since I've come back from Santa Cruz. (Perhaps the worse I've felt since all of this started.) I need to keep moving so am making plans to do more yoga, exercise, and dancing in the coming weeks. Will go to a treatment session in a week, but hopefully can get lighter and more loose before then--the universe allowing. My strength seems to be increasing, which will let me do more each day.

Remember, a voice in my head says, it's only been a few weeks that you've been settling in. You have all the time in the world. There's no requirement that you have to be a certain way by a specific point in time. Remember!

5903

Was a crazy day! Rained last night quite a bit. Then people were up at dawn (even though it was Saturday) getting ready for a party in the tiny recreation area "outside my front door."

I did my Qigong, ate breakfast and did a walk (while the sun was breaking through). Then I took off and went to get a new pair of tennis shoes, stopped by library and printed my completed tax forms, and dropped by L's. We walked to Starbucks and I had a chai latte, which was tasty.

We looked in at the new Afgan coffee place that's in midtown. Looks like another good food place. I returned home to find a carpet cleaning rig working on the place below me. The noise from the rig was deafening. It probably added some ambiance to the party, which looked like it was ending about then.

I'd gotten some correspondence from an old friend, Bernie DeKoven. I went to his website (www.deepfun.com) and got hooked into playing with an online puzzle (www.planarity.net). It's a simple puzzle structure with very complex solutions after you get through the first few levels.

Between the latte and the puzzle, I've burnt a few hours. It's fun and challenging!

Tomorrow morning will head to the healing meditation group, in my new tennis shoes. They're like walking on clouds! A big improvement over my old ones with worn down heels. The better to walk with, my dear! Getting late! Will read some from a book of stories I picked up at the library. After the fiesta, I take a siesta!

5904

Pulled up the PDRecoverers message board today and got a shock. There was a set of messages regarding the effectiveness of the PDRecovery project and what it does. The messages were from people who have underwent sometimes months of FSR intervention, but are experiencing difficulties with progressive PD symptoms. There were also messages from people who haven't recovered, but have experienced progress.

I found the whole set of messages disconcerting to say the least. I'm still of the mindset that what I am doing is bringing me back to a symptomless, healthy state. I don't know the details of many of the people who were writing, but I have to believe that there is a path through this darkness, one that recovers and restores my health. And, I'm continuing to deal with this whole issue from that perspective. I (and my mind/body system) created the conditions that resulted in the symptoms--we can therefore create recovery and restoration.

I already know some of the interventions that suspend symptoms--meditation, rest, yoga, exercise, dancing and so forth. I believe that if I keep expanding this repertoire of activities and persist that I'll progress instead of regress. Rage, rage against the dying of the light! (but in an adrenaline-minimized way).

Late night (for me) already. Rains are falling. Saw a brilliant rainbow earlier today. Follow the rainbow path!

5905

Had my blood drawn this morning. The plebot filled four vials with my precious dark red fluids. I drank, as suggested, about 30 ounces of water when I awoke this morning. I'm still making trips to the bathroom from that ingestion.

Went to chiropractor after letting blood (had breakfast--as in break fast--first). When I got back home, I took a good walk, and then crashed for a couple of hours. Since the nap I have been feeling really good--good and healthy.

I ate a great dinner (brown rice, steamed veggies, broiled salmon) and continue to feel energetic and in health.

Downstairs neighbors have discovered music. They've been playing it during the day and into the early evening (quiet now). The music echoes into my place since I'm right on top of them. Their ceiling, my floor, creates a giant sound box, especially if I'm on the floor lying down.

My tax returns were "accepted" by the feds and the state. Since I had no refund and nothing owed, I'm done! I'm filed! Yay, hey, hooray! The online, do-it-yourself tax features are amazingly slick. My sister helped pave the way for all this paperless filing. She helped create the first e-documents' processing capabilities for the feds.

I mentioned my "lists" several posts back. They're getting excised. Slowly, but surely, items are being crossed off. Almost time to make a new list and add some missing items--like dancing. Will sign up tomorrow for a 2nd weekly yoga class. But, my toes are starting to tap and my feet are moving to the beat. Weather helps. Today was warm and sunny, almost like a summer day.

5906

Got up, did Qigong, went for a long walk, came back and slept for two hours, and then, thanks to TurboTax Online, completed my income tax returns and e-filed them. Yay, hey, hooray!

The TurboTax site was really easy to use and made the process easy and quick. Since I didn't have a complex return and I didn't make any money last year except SS, I owe $0 to the feds and the state. And that's true even though I didn't have any withholdings. Oh happy day!

The extra length of the walk today felt good (even if it did put me to sleep for a couple of hours). I awoke to a team of tree trimmers cutting down/out an old redwood stump. The chainsaw and wood chipper formed an appropriate background to the preparation of my tax returns.

I'm scheduled to have my blood taken tomorrow for Rebecca's work on my nutrition plan. I'm having a comprehensive wellness profile done--measuring over 50 items. Also seeing the chiropractor tomorrow as well. It'll be a wellness day! But, every day is a wellness day!

Not seeing Rebecca on Friday--she had to reschedule because of something that came up that rearranged the PDTeam's assignments. Will see her on Monday instead.

Felt good today, despite need to take a nap. I slept well last night--I was a bit tired from doing the yoga class--or more accurately, I was really relaxed and almost fell asleep sitting in the living room. Also, the big dinner from DeeDee's helped some in that respect.

Have to not eat for 8 to 10 hours before giving blood tomorrow. And drink gallons of water (or so it seems). I seem to be regaining some of my lost weight. Still using the tightest belt notch, but it's starting to feel snug once again.

I believe I'm moving from thinking of myself as a person with this "condition" to a person who is "healthy" and once had a "condition." It's happening slowly and almost imperceptibly, but I find myself starting to have those thoughts. May there be more of them and fewer of the previous ones. I realized sometime this week that I had begun making this shift in attitude. It helps to be getting stronger and feeling more healthy.

I'm starting to really enjoy the freedom I have to structure each day and continue with the various practices. What a blessing! I'm so grateful for the way the universe has created such an opening for me. I am truly lucky to be cared for in this way!

5907

Did laundry today. Went to the Laundromat down the street next to the Happy Donuts. HD has free WiFi access. Took my computer to try it out. Could sit in my truck in front of the laundry and access the HD network. Wasn't really comfortable in the truck for writing, but could read email and surf the web. Helped pass the time and beat watching the dryers spin.

In addition to my usual routines, made it to yoga class today. It was a restorative yoga class with a substitute instructor today and next week. Missed the regular instructor (used to her sequencing and patterns), but substitute worked out great. She came at everything from a slightly different perspective. It was refreshing and it turned out to be a really good class. Glad I went.

The class left me energetic and alive-feeling. Tells me that I need to be doing more such things--not just my regular rituals here in the apartment. Also tells me I need to be doing yoga daily, either in class or at home. Not just a few perfunctory poses, but a regular practice--the payoff is obvious when I look at how I felt tonight at the end of the class. Some poses, like feet up the wall, are ones that could be done beneficially everyday.

Have contacted Rebecca and moved things along for her to provide me with a nutritional plan. Will meet with her on Friday to develop a health history. That combined with the survey forms I completed, a food journal, and some blood work will give her everything she needs to develop the plan. Looking forward to hearing from her what I should be eating that will help me enhance my health.

Had dinner at DeeDee's tonight. Can't stay away from that place. The food seems to be really healthy for me.

Will be interesting to see how today's yoga session affects my body/being. I seem to be accumulating a collection of aches/pains that are requiring extra body scan time to remedy. Energetically, I'm feeling pretty good. Today's expedition to do laundry and then turning around and doing yoga seemed to not tire me like it was doing last week. I believe I'm progressing. It's just difficult for me to notice subtle shifts.

I keep imagining myself at a gym working on the equipment, strengthening my muscles and shoulders. Will look into that soon. My days are going to be quickly booked--if it's Wednesday morning, I must be at the gym. There's something that feels right about such a picture. I can do a lot on my own, but there are aspects that are better done in a group or at a facility.

Learning every day! Learning new things and rediscovering some old items. Today was a "good" day--I felt "normal" for much of the day, with occasional winkouts. May there be many more days like today, and even better ones. Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

5908

Happy vernal equinox! Days are getting longer now, for sure. And the weather is getting wackier!

Today it rained (a lot--a deluge), there was sun and clear skies, it hailed, there was heavy winds, dark and ominous clouds, flooding and other variations/combinations. Oh, yes! It was cold as well.

Got a call from F's father who does energy balancing/healing work. Sounds very similar to what I've been doing with the PDTeam so don't think I'll do anything with him. He has a nice web site (www.ewbp.com) and can do sessions over the telephone since he's back East. But, I'm going to pass for now. Have enough things on my lists right now.

Skipped out in the middle of the muddle and had lunch with P at DeeDee's. Food was excellent as always. She's preparing for a trip to Africa to visit with her son. It was a little difficult to hear each other in that place, especially as the lunch crowd filtered in. When we left DeeDee's, I drove though a massive downpour. I came home and (you guessed it) took a long rest/nap. I awoke to the sound of hail pinging off the roof.

In looking over F's father's site, I couldn't but notice my progress as reflected in the information found there and some of the diagnostic questions that he posed. I came back to the point of my process being a self-healing. Other tools might be of use, of value, but it still comes down to what I do, what I think, and what the symptoms are saying to me--what they are communicating about my state of being. The symptoms are messages to the self signaling that something is out of balance, off track. The symptoms are keys to what needs to be done to reestablish health.

Getting late and I've not had dinner. The pantry is stocked. Think I'll have a light meal--yogurt and fruit sounds good after all of DeeDee's curries. The rain continues to make tapping noises on the roof.

5910-5909

Hi everyone--
For those of you who have been following my (nearly) daily blog, you already know my rituals--eat, rest and walk intermixed with my various and varied practices--but mostly eat, rest and walk.

I'm doing well in most respects. I still fatigue easy and am resting/sleeping for long periods of time. But, I feel I'm making slow but steady progress. Have accumulated enough stuff to support my simple lifestyle activities and have begun doing some things a "normal person" would be doing--getting haircuts, going to yoga classes, going to the dentist and the chiropractor, attending a healing meditation group (today), paying bills, reading some SciFi, and a few other things.

I'm scheduled to continue sessions every other week with the PDTeam starting in April. This month without sessions was partly to see how well I'd do on my own. I've been doing fine--tremor and shaking is greatly reduced and almost not noticeable much of the time. Even with some tiredness, I've been adding activities/tasks to my daily routines slowly. My list of things to be done is still long, but items are being marked off as I get to them.

Went to a party last night! My friend JON had his annual St. Patrick's Day event. I dressed warmly and L and I went there for a few hours. It was, as always, a great group of people. I didn't find it overwhelming, but enjoyable, until I started fading--which I did after a while. Glad I was wrapped up--it was chilly and the party was partly outside--

Got up and went to the healing meditation group that meets near me. Knew a few people there and process was low key, easy going, and a bit like Prairie Home Companion does group. They also provide yoga classes, qigong classes and other integrative health resources--all within walking distance.

Like I said earlier, I feel like I'm progressing slowly, but progressing. When I get tired, I just stop and rest/sleep--whatever my body/psyche needs to restore. I know what the PDTeam talked about in terms of my anxiety levels--they're dropping to zero and few things raise the level much.

Since I've really very little to report as I continue to build up my daily/weekly rituals, I'll only send out a next broadcast message (like this one) when I have something more interesting to communicate. For those who want to get daily updates (as dull as they are starting to become--and dull is good for now--I've had plenty of recent excitement) you can still go to my daily blog:

laranstar.blogspot.com

I want to send out a sincere "thanks" to all of you who have responded to this series of reports, who have sent me your words of encouragement and support, and who have kept me in your prayers (please continue to do so). It was wonderful for me to know all of you were there for me. Thank you with all of my being. Love and blessings to you all...

5911

Slept like a log last night. First night that I didn't have the heater running. Rain kept the temperature in the warmer range so didn't need the heat.

Awoke feeling rested (which I should have been) and energetic. Of course, by the time I did Qigong, fixed breakfast and ate, I needed to rest. Did so and then went for a walk. Then back for another rest (is there a pattern forming here?).

Picked up an egg salad sandwich at Simply Sandwiches. Their sandwiches are made with good ingredients and done well. When I returned home, had a call from JON regarding his annual St. Patrick's day blowout. That's scheduled for tomorrow. Will be a good first event for me to go to.

Have a dental hygiene appointment later this afternoon. Contacted the PDTeam and started the dialog regarding me setting up an ongoing treatment schedule. I would restart with them in April. By then, I'll have been on my own for about a month. It will be good to check in with them and get some measure of progress. From my perspective, it doesn't seem like I'm doing much. But a trip over there will give me some calibration data.

I'm feeling OK on and off. I take as many rest periods as I seem to need and let the hours fall where they fall. I feel like I'd be better off in a warmer climate, but that's to be seen. I need more time getting back on my feet before I cook up another move. I have a year's lease--that will be the gating item. How I'm doing after 6 months will begin to let me know what I can plan or not plan for the future.

I feel somewhat isolated (which is what I said I wanted, and I got) even though I have absolute freedom to sleep, walk, eat, read, and so forth without having to deal with anyone else's agendas. I'm actually amazed at all of the changes I've managed to move through in the past six months. Lots of changes and lots of learning, hopefully.

I keep having moments where I feel like the presence of the illness abates and goes away. The tremor and shaking has been at a very low level since I settled in here. The only thing that shows up is weakness or tiredness when I do things--but even that is diminishing as well. I think next week, I'll start to expand my activities and see where that leads--activities that involve more interaction with others. Tomorrow evening will provide some data. I just need to dress warmly so I don't trigger shaking and tremors from being cold.

Let's see--next week already involves a lunch with P, yoga class, chiropractor appointment, and probably a dental followup examination--plus my regular routines. Hmmm! Looking busy! But not scary! That's a good sign. My psyche seems ready for more activity.

5912

Beware the Ides of March! Too late! Already passed.

Got my 1st utility bill today--$3.27! For the first six days of March. Not bad given I was burning a fair amount of gas. If that figure extrapolates out for the month, it won't be too onerous.

Clocked my walking route today and discovered that the full route is only 1 mile. Have to work out some extensions so I'm doing at least 1.5 miles. Can always double loop.

Having digestion problems. Altering my diet (again) so that I don't ingest a lot of bulk in one meal. Will have to try some of L's trifala and see what that does. I think it's caused by subtle changes in everything--drinking water, type of oatmeal, and so forth. What a pain! Especially for someone who could eat anything before.

Had a sensation as I drove to lunch today (went to DeeDee's since their food seems to agree with me) of always having this feeling of pressure on my right side. That it has been there all my life, but wasn't prominent like it is now--was in the background and didn't intrude as it does now. So in a way, I'm used to it, but now have to give it more attention. At least that's the jumble-mumble that I was thinking as I drove.

Came back after lunch and collapsed. Slept on and off for several hours. Awoke at dinner time. Walk, sleep and eat! What a great set of activities! Did manage to set up a dental hygiene appointment for tomorrow. Tooth decay goes on!

Two weeks that I've been here. Less than that since I settled in. Keep looking ahead to being here a year and seeing myself recovered fully. I keep feeling like I want to start jogging. Probably not the best thing for my body, but I keep seeing joggers and getting the urge to start running. Now, that activity would really put me to sleep. Think I'll wait until I join a health spa and use their low-impact treadmills instead of pounding my frame. Of course, doing that is not like being outdoors--all in good time.

It was a warm, spring-like afternoon that I slept through today. Balmy again tonight. Almost tropical. Like the warm weather. Bring more of it on and forget about the wintry nights.

Not much else to report--eat, sleep, walk! The beauty of the simple life!

5913

Ships crossing in the night! Post 5915 was done on the 13th. Post 5913 appears on the 15th. Post 5914 was posted, yes, on the 14th. Small miracles!

I dreamed a rather detailed dream last night. Part of it dealt with living in Memphis, near Beale Street, which is now famous, but wasn't so much over 50 years ago. I was walking up and down the street, going to places I went to when I was a kid. A deli, a pawn shop, a clothing store, and other spots.

Right now, I can't recall much more about the dream. It seems I was walking with someone, but not anyone from that era. It was more like a friend of my daughter, who was going to school in SC. Anyway, the dream was detailed and is one of the few that I recall anything about for quite some time.

My friend, P, came by today in her new silver "bubble." She got a new silver VW Beetle and tricked it out with red leather seats. We spent the morning trying to get her Palm device to talk to her computer. We, alas, were not successful. It seems that the Palm cradle is not working correctly.

My truck was determined to have a faulty water pump. Finally! They replaced the pump and all seems right in the truck world once again. There was no charge since it was still under warranty (and they had already charged me for a diagnostic, which didn't pinpoint the problem).

Went to the health food store and picked up some rice protein powder. Made a rather thick smoothie this afternoon, which seems to have wired me some. I took a rest this afternoon and now feel "normal"--as if the jolt of protein kicked me into a different gear. Need to get the nutrition workup done so I can start eating what I need to be eating and regulating foods that are not good for me right now.

My digestion is still not exactly in balance, so I have to watch what I ingest. I'm curious to find out what the herbal remedy, trifala, will do to help me regulate. L picked up some from her ayurvedic diagnostic. Data on it reads like a perfect stomach helper (and energizer and antioxidant source).

Managed to get in a healthy walk this morning while the sun was out and about. Balmy day today and still quite temperate. Look forward to warmer weather and what that will bring.

Juggling Report: Am starting to get through two full cycles when I practice. I can feel the smoothness of motion when that takes place. It tickles my brain!

5914

Took truck back to the shop today. I think it's low on coolant and if so there has to be a leak. The experts are looking into the problem.

I ended up walking a lot today, which felt good. It relieved some of the antsy feelings I've been having. Fresh air, sunshine, some rain, some clouds--all in harmony.

I keep discovering things I can't do--like shake a bottle of liquid to stir up the contents. My muscle/nervous system won't make the motion--especially with my right hand/arm. I can perform the motion slowly, but can't make it happen quickly. I recall something that Chris mentioned to me--about a motion not being fast--how I can reteach myself a lost motion as long as I do it slowly at first. Slowly and smoothly is the key--not how fast it can be done.

Before I dropped my truck off, I went to Target and Trader Joe's. At Target, I could feel my anxiety start up when I entered the building. I practiced breathing and persisting at completing what I went there to get. Did the same at Trader Joe's--breathe and shop--a new therapy.

While I was out walking, I saw a person from the dance group driving by. He did a double take seeing me. He was late for a doctor's appointment and couldn't stop. It was an interesting experience seeing him--a scene to be repeated many times in the coming weeks and months. Makes me a bit nervous, but it'll be good to see people once again.

I really rested today (after all of the walks). I just felt like crawling into the bed and zoning out. I believe I even napped some despite the noisy complex today.

I've started keeping a checklist of the daily/weekly practices that I'm doing. Quite a few checkmarks over the past few days--despite the funk of yesterday and the truck today. I'm continued to be surprised at how much of the practices I get in each day, no matter what I think I've not done.

Well, speaking of those practices--it's time to do a few more as I prepare for and head to the bed. Some light body work, meditation, body scan and prayers. That should do it for today!

5915

Had a sort of blah day. Everything seemed to be dull and without a lot of purpose or meaning for me. I keep expecting to wake up in the morning and be in some kind of "health bubble." Don't know where this thought comes from, or why it even manifests.

Instead, there's Qigong, vitamins and juice, oatmeal, a walk (which was long route and very nice), and on into the day and its rituals. Eventually, it's nearly bedtime once again and then a repeat/replay/rewind.

If it's not obvious, I am in a funky state this day and evening. At least it's been temperate today--didn't use the heater all day!

Went to the hardware store to pick up some miscellaneous items. When I was shopping, I experienced some moments of anxiety. I noted them and put them aside so I could get what I came for and leave. Now, I feel like I need to look at those feelings and situations more completely. Really let myself feel the anxiousness and see what happens to me, to my state of being. Somehow, not letting those feelings in fully seems to require more energy.

I'm probably not making much sense tonight. I'm tired (even though I did rest some today) and want to go to bed early. Good dreams! (I've been dreaming, but I've not been recalling them when I awaken. Perhaps time to return to recording my dream notes.)

5916

Got a mouse! Much better on my arm and hands than the track pad. Also retrieved my stereo system from the storage locker. Set it up and it's now playing Hapa. Slack key guitar music counts in reducing stress levels. Nice to have music back in the room. It's been over a year since I've had access to music on demand.

Not sure if the AM/FM tuner works on the device without adding an antennae. Will also try the tape deck since I have many tapes with quiet, peaceful music.

Kind of a lost-in-space day. Got up late--later than usual. Didn't make it to the healing meditation group. Have been a half track off kilter for most of the day. Kept moving, but didn't go anywhere, or so it seemed.

Made out a "list" of things that need to be handled. One part of the list involves things to do (taxes, for example). A second deal with things I need to pick up (vacuum cleaner hose, for example). A third part lists the daily/weekly (or whatever frequency) things I need to do to stay on purpose, on track (Qigong daily, for example).

The presence of a list might seem to be stress-producing, but it feels the opposite to me. As I cross off each item in the first two parts, I feel a bubble of stress dissolving from my consciousness, moving away from me and leaving me healthier. Some things on the list have deadlines (taxes), but most are things I could so, will do, as time permits and situations develop. Bottom line: I feel better for making the list and that helps reduce my stress levels.

I'm obviously still pondering the excerpt from the Total Biology article that I posted yesterday. I'm, in my mind, increasing the possibility of my brain activating a health program to replace the illness program that has been activated previously. I'm examining the emotional conflicts that I've lived, which have resulted in the illness program. Stress levels to zero and all will be well--I will be well. In some ways, I'm already there. But, I feel like there's sticky strings, like spider webs, still holding me in place. I want to sever those strings.

One of the items on my daily/weekly part of the list is "write" and do so daily. I have been persistent about posting to this daily blog. Now it's time to raise the ante and write daily on other than the blog. I'll continue the blog and begin to write beyond that as well. If I produce anything of interest, I'll post it on the blog. I'm starting out by writing for a half hour and will increase the allotted time as I progress. It would be silly for me to say I'll write for longer than that right now--I couldn't do it. So, I'm setting a modest goal--one I can do.

With all of that careful ground setting, I'll do my first half hour in the morrow.

I'm starting to buzz out a bit now. Didn't take a rest today and with all of the running about, I'm starting to feel the missing down time. So over and out on this, once again, cool evening and night.

5917

Made a run on the storage locker today. L helped and it really has made a difference in the apartment. Brought in a few items such as the worktable at which I am now seated. Some rugs are on the floor. Some decorative vases are on display. The key thing we did was retrieve all (I believe it was all) of the kitchen items I had stored away. A full set of dishes and eating utensils. My blender and juicer. And other miscellaneous items. Didn't have as much kitchen things as I thought might be there. I was fairly ruthless when I moved and got rid of many things.

I even made lunch as we unpacked and dispersed the retrieved items.

So now the kitchen and living room are livable. The areas are sparse, but that leaves room for juggling, yoga, Qigong, and so forth. Bedroom is next on the agenda. May go the IKEA route again. Will make a trip there to check out the bed I'm considering. There are many (too many) options.

Also will soon make another run on the storage locker to retrieve all of my art pieces. Lots of wall space in this apartment. Can turn it into a mini-gallery. Hmmm! Just noticed that I didn't retrieve my CD/music system. Need to remedy that even before I make an art run.

Also need to get a mouse for this computer. I've about had it with the touch pad. Think I'll do better with a mouse/trackball or such.

Day went fairly well even with the hauling and moving of things. "Doing the things a healed man were to do, if he were healed." I buzzed out after a few hours. Eating helped restore some equilibrium. Came back after taking L home and continued the sorting and unpacking. Missed taking a nap. I'm tired, but feeling positive.

I keep thinking of the information in the article on Total Biology (yesterday's post). There was the statement about having the brain/self switch back to health mode from illness mode:

The task for the person is to bring
awareness and understanding to the emotional
conflict(s) he has lived and either find a solution or
fully let go or transcend or grieve the situation - in
other words, remove the stress energy to zero,
eliminate the need for the survival program (the
disease), and increase the possibility that his brain
will automatically switch from disease program to
healing program and restore health.

I've been looking at what emotional conflicts I've lived so that I might bring them to awareness--with the goal of taking the stress levels to zero. I'm also looking at my current stress levels and working to bring them to zero as well. Even the trip to the storage locker was held as something that needed to be done so that it is complete. Also the results of completing the clearing would result in a more livable space--which is stress reducing.

It's as if I'm making a stress sandwich where each stress incident completes something and results in additional stress relief down the line. I want my brain, which is noticeably fogged up rather easily (by any of many actions--shopping, doing laundry, organizing things, and many other activities) to switch to my healing program and restore my health.

I'm currently experiencing a "bubbling" sensation in my right arm, on the back side, just above the elbow. Why, I don't know. It's not exactly the same old tremor, but a frog-like muscle twitch that appears to want to manifest. I think getting a mouse will relieve some of the tension in that arm when I'm on the computer. I think the touch pad is causing some tension in that arm/muscle. We'll see. Will get a mouse/trackball tomorrow.

Hope to make it over to the healing group in the morning. Supposed to get cold tonight (was fairly cold last night--lots of snow on the surrounding hills). Doesn't look like it'll rain tonight. The group is close enough for me to walk over there.

Well, the muscle twitch is becoming insistent. My arm/muscle/body wants my attention. Need to listen to what is being said.

5918

Got a haircut today! Look like a different person! It was getting somewhat shaggy. Made it out for a walk (double distance again today) before the rains started in again. Chilly out today. Snow on Highway 17 this morning. Probably will be more of the same tonight.

Spent 2 hours on the telephone with SBC tech support getting DSL up and running. They helped me get registered without having an install CD. Miraculous! All done via the Internet. Took some time, but we did it! I'm now untethered from the modem cable. I'm wireless and can work anywhere, probably even out on the patio (when weather permits).

A friend sent me a notice from the Community Health Network (CHN) in Palo Alto. They sponsor monthly gatherings often with guest speakers. This month's speaker is Gilbert Renaud, a proponent and practitioner of Total Biology (see article below). Some interesting parallels with what the PDRecovery team does and fosters.

TOTAL BIOLOGY - Keys to Healing
by Dr N. Kate Johnson
Learning the true nature of disease and becoming
empowered to heal oneself

Faced with the diagnosis of cancer or serious disease,
do we not say - "Why me? What is the meaning of this?
What can I do to beat this thing?" Over the past 25
years or so, researchers and doctors in Europe have
been providing answers to these questions and
practical knowledge that has been helping thousands of
people to heal from their cancers and chronic
diseases.

Among these researchers, Dr. Claude Sabbah of
Marseille, France, drawing on his 35 years of
experience in several medical specialties --
neurolinguistic programming, psychotherapy, his own
research, and an exhaustive comprehensive and
systematic analysis of scientific work and
publications -- elaborated the concept of "Total
Biology of all Living Beings." Central to this
knowledge is the understanding that disease is a
program of survival directed by the brain to lower the
impact of intolerable stress and keep the individual
alive and functioning for as long as possible.

Sabbah studied the work of many scientists, doctors,
and psychologists. In particular he studied the work
of Dr. Ryke Hamer of Germany, a
psychiatrist/neurologist and oncologist, doing
research on CT scans of the brain. Dr. Hamer himself
developed cancer following the shock of the death of
his own son in 1979. Through the study of his own
cancer and some 10,000 cases over the following few
years, by 1984 he was able to confirm that for a
specific emotional conflict or stress, there is a
specific area of the brain affected, as shown on CT,
and a specific disease or dysfunction in the body.

Now, after studying over 30,000 cases, his original
findings have held true 100% -- that is, if the
disease is known, the associated emotional conflict
and area of the brain involved is also known.
Recognizing the potential phenomenal benefit this
discovery could have for all of mankind, he called it
the New Medicine. Dr. Hamer was nominated for the
Nobel Prize in Medicine for 2005.

For Sabbah, the brain is like an electrical device or
a specialized computer, and disease is one of its
programs which is switched ON in specific
circumstances of high stress or conflict and switched
OFF when the high stress or conflict is released or
resolved. What is programmable is 'deprogrammable.'

There is no disease that is not potentially curable
and all diseases, from cancer to colds, are all
responses to life stresses of variable intensities and
durations - they are all specialized programs of
survival. The task for the person is to bring
awareness and understanding to the emotional
conflict(s) he has lived and either find a solution or
fully let go or transcend or grieve the situation - in
other words, remove the stress energy to zero,
eliminate the need for the survival program (the
disease), and increase the possibility that his brain
will automatically switch from disease program to
healing program and restore health.

In addition, Sabbah has elucidated the deeper roots of
disease programming, in particular the imprint from
conception through pregnancy and delivery and the
first year of life, and has given evidence of the
impact of the three previous generations and the
influence of family memory on the appearance of
disease. He has developed a number of tools to help
the individual to bring awareness to the emotional
experiences that are hidden in the subconscious to
facilitate understanding and release.

Dr. Sabbah makes it absolutely clear that each person
is his own healer. No one 'heals' anyone else.
Sabbah and others trained in Total Biology
(consultants) can only facilitate and support the
person to find his own answers and help him discover
the keys to his own healing. It is critical that the
person continues his regular medical and other
therapies to contain the disease and contribute to its
cure.

Let us take the example of a disease - stomach cancer
- and see how it is the answer to a threat to the
person's survival. Firstly, in the animal world, if a
dog swallows a large, indigestible bone that is
blocking the outflow of his stomach, his survival is
at risk. If he does not digest the bone and release
the blockage within a certain period of time, he will
die. The brain reads this threat and immediately
sends a special program which starts 'stomach cancer'
- a form of turbo organ, highly specialized to produce
digestive enzymes 3 to 10 times more powerful than
that of the normal stomach cells to digest the bone as
efficiently and quickly as possible. Once the bone is
digested and cleared, the turbo tissue is no longer
needed and regresses naturally - the brain throws the
switch to a healing program to restore the organ to
its normal state.

As for animals, so for man - if a person has an
experience that he lives as 'indigestible' - "I cannot
digest this nasty thing" or "I cannot accept this
terrible affair" - and if the stress is of a high
level or prolonged, his brain may read this as a
threat to survival and switch to a disease program of
'stomach cancer'. Unlike in the animal case, man can
be triggered by a situation that is symbolic,
imaginary, or virtual. The brain does not make a
distinction between the actual physical 'indigestible
piece' and the symbolic, imaginary, or virtual one.

In nature, the stomach cancer is a temporary solution
- at some point the 'bone' gets digested and cleared
from the stomach or the animal dies. For the human
being, unless the emotional conflict that triggered
the disease is resolved, the disease continues. For
this reason it is critical to continue regular medical
treatment to contain the disease and treat its
symptoms. However, once the conflict is identified
and a solution found and applied, the biological
disease program is no longer needed. The brain no
longer reads "stress energy" or "threat to survival"
and therefore deletes the disease program. It throws
the switch to a healing program for normal balance to
be restored.

In summary, Total Biology is derived from an extensive
body of scientific and medical research and experience
and offers the knowledge and tools to help people
bring awareness to their conflicts, find solutions,
and finally release themselves from disease. It is an
empowering system which gives people ways to
contribute to their own healing and increase the
possibility of complete healing as well as free them
from fear. Over the past 25 years, it has been
helping thousands of people to heal from their cancers
and chronic diseases. Everyone is encouraged to
continue with regular medical therapy.

"We are sick because we are not aware. Awareness is
the key to healing." Anonymous

5919

It's been a "chop wood, carry water" sort of day. Slept well again last night. That's two in a row! A record given the way I've slept over the past several months. Heater helps--both with keeping off the chill as well as with "sound effects"--hot metal popping and making noises in the night. I've grown accustomed to the noises already. Also took a nap this afternoon and think I fell asleep for over an hour.

Nothing extraordinary to report. Got up, did Qigong, ate breakfast, and took my laundry to the laundromat. Had the place to myself that early in the morning, except for this eccentric-acting older man (probably my age!) who brought in his stuff to clean. The laundromat is next door to a donut shop that has free WiFi connection. Next time, I'll bring my laptop. Place is almost within walking distance if I had a wheeled basket to hold my clothes, detergent, and laptop. Stuff is too heavy to carry that distance.

Dropped in on my chiropractor. His old office had burned down during my sojourn in SC. He was in a new office, one being shared by he and other practitioners. Busy place! Was good to get an adjustment--especially a non-invasive one versus the "crack and bend" work I had done in Felton. Set up a schedule to see him every two weeks--eventually alternating with the SC sessions. Order coming out chaos! Finally!

Picked up mail and came back home to eat, sort out the laundry, take a nap, and then go for a walk (about twice as far as I've walked so far--felt like the thing to do). Have juggled some, did some yoga, practiced chasing my light body, did some sivasana, ate some more, and... As I said, "chop wood and carry water." Basics. Doing the basics.

Tremor has been light today--even to the point of being quiet for blocks of time. It was heaviest this morning when I awoke, but Qigong calmed it down. I told Rebecca that is was feeling similar to how it felt when it first manifested--almost as if it's regressing. If so, it may well just stop. Let's pray for that outcome.

I'm enjoying the alone time, but I'm starting to feel the need (desire, fancy, inclination, or such) to interact more with people. Not for long periods of time, but in short bursts. I'm still having difficulties talking coherently sometimes. Mostly when I'm in a new or unfamiliar situation. As I've mentioned before, I feel raw and new like I'm having to relearn things that I once knew and did automatically.

I'm also still working to rebuild my upper body strength. I've started doing pushups with my knees on the floor. I can easily do 25-30 reps right now, but the loss of strength seems to deal more with motor control than with raw force. Working on it! Plan to join a local gym to help give me resources to use in the restoration process.

When I left the laundromat today, I said goodbye to the older man. He said, "Now that you've got a chore out of the way, you can doing something fun." Yeah! I'm ready for some fun!

5920

Completed final session in this series of treatments. Worked with Rebecca. She always leaves me balanced and grounded--I told her that tonight. Was a good place to be at the end since I had to navigate the Highway 17 corridor in the dark to get home.

Actually drive over and back was not that bad. Says something about my state of being. As does my appetite, which continues to want more food. Snacks are starting to become unsnack-like--more like mini-meals. Oh, well! It feels right so I'll keep eating until my clothes fit me once again.

Picked up some coconut oil over in SC. Rebecca had nothing but good things to say about using it along with butter and olive oil. Special brand though--Nutiva. A bit pricy, but will give it a try.

I slept a full night last night. First time in a while that I've done that. I'm starting to actually like my futon chair that doubles as a sleeping mat. I'm feeling better each day. Still have tired spells and such, but having more up times as well. Will continue to coast this week and take things slowly. Will look at expanding activities next week such as more yoga, joining a gym, chiropractor, dealing with storage locker, dancing, and so forth. But, all in good time!

Meanwhile, I eat (a lot), rest, do Qigong, take walks, do some stretching/yoga, do kneeling pushups, do my recovery practices, practice juggling, and otherwise spin the hands around the clockface (Yes, I have an analog clock!). I'm back to updating this blog. And, I'll be doing a full nutritional workup with Rebecca between now and the early part of April. She'll set me up with an optimal eating plan that works with my recovery process.

So, things are progressing (always). I'm content to keep doing what I'm doing and more of it as things unfold. May the universe continue to shower me with healing energies!

5921

Yesterday's post was a bit long. Today's will be short and sweet!

Didn't do much of anything today--for a change. Truck was kept in the shop overnight so they could run some tests. They called as I was out for a walk (in between raindrops) and said it was ready. I walked on over to the shop (a few blocks from where I live) and picked it up. They never found a problem so they just topped up the coolant, charged me for a diagnostic, and I'm back in the saddle.

Made it to yoga today! That was wonderful! It's such a pleasant class and such a gifted teacher. I'll be doing multiple classes each week once I'm fully back on track. My appetite has picked up. I ate a lot of food today. A good sign in my book!

Tomorrow, I'm going to SC for a final treatment session in this series. Expect to take a short break (few weeks) and then start sessions ongoing once ever other week.

A psychic friend of mine sent me a note about a meditation/healing group that meets each week in PA. The group meets virtually across the street from where I live! Not just a "coinky-dink!" I can walk to the meditations.

So, today was a good day. I slept well last night and should sleep well tonight. Then it's over the hill and back tomorrow.

5926-5922

Back online! Realized I could use telephone and modem while waiting for DSL... Duh!

Here is note I sent out a few minutes ago as today's (and several missing days) post...

*************************************
I got the apartment in Palo Alto! The landlord's name is Angel and getting the place involved divine intervention given the rental market in this city. More on the place below.

Rewind: Started the week with a session with Laura (week ago today). We covered a lot of ground and the session seemed to fly by. Worked on making a heart connection with my right arm and shoulder area. Was able to still the tremor there and somewhat into the afternoon.

Tuesday began packing. Mostly involved stuffing clothes back into plastic bags and staging everything to be moved into the truck. Was low energy most of the day.

Wednesday saw Janice. There was confusion on session time. I thought it was 4:30-6:30. It was 2:30-4:30, but she took me anyway when I arrived. We talked a lot about what's next for me. I said that my key concerns were feeling tired and the tremor at night. She said that I can expect to feel weak for some period of time. It's like I've been ill and bedridden, and will require some time to recover. I should just plan on taking as many breaks as I need to in order to recover properly. No way to hurry the process.

As a sidebar, she shared with me that she recovered from the symptoms. She did so using the same techniques that they've taught me to use. It took her a fair amount of time to recover (she was doing it on her own with no PDTeam to help coach). Gave me hope as well as gave me pause.

There was a deluge of rainy weather, but Thursday morning came up clear. M&E helped me pack the truck and I thanked them for all that they had done. They really created a safe, supportive space in their lives for the two months that I was there. And, as I quickly discovered later that day, did so much that allowed me to focus on my self and not a lot of detailed stuff. My awakening came as I came down the hill and reached the new abode.

Thursday and Friday, I ended up in a tailspin. I let myself be overwhelmed by everything and bought into the fears and anxieties. By the time I drove down on Thursday, unpacked the truck, made a run to the drug store (for toilet paper, some food items, misc things such as soap, etc.), my adrenaline system was empty. I was feeling stressed and more. Fortunately, my friend L dropped by with some food and then went out for a grocery run. Ultimately, I was in the place both physically and otherwise. The utility company came by late afternoon and turned on the electric and gas.

As I prepared for bed I discovered that the space heater wasn't working. It was already chilly and there was snow on Mt. Hamilton as I came over that morning. I called the landlord, but told him that he didn't have to come until Friday. I had a small space heater with me that would get me through the night.

Needless to say, I slept really poorly (new place, new bed, new noises, heater running, pile of stuff everywhere, etc.).

Friday, I got up early. Made myself some breakfast and set out to pick up more things, get more food, and so forth. L and I had talked about going to the storage locker, but it was raining so I went with plan B. I realized that people normally collect household objects over long periods of time. I'm in the opposite mode--I need to collect a number of household objects in a short period of time--just to function. That realization ate at my energy so that when I got back home, I was zapped.

I called L and told her the storage locker foray had to be postponed. I asked her to bring me some basic things--a set of plates, cups, utensils, bowls, etc. I had gotten enough pots/pans etc. together, but only had plastic plates, etc. She brought over a set of items and an IKEA catalog. She also encouraged me to just relax and not try and do everything at once. Good advice! She suggested that I look though the catalog and that we plan to make a run there on Saturday.

Her advice helped. I quieted down. Made my favorite dinner of steamed veggies, rice, and broiled salmon. Put on a kirtan CD. Spent a couple of hours going through the IKEA catalog, mapping out things to get.

Slept better on Friday night (heater working helped). Got up early, did Qigong and went for a walk. There was a footrace being routed through the neighborhood. Couldn't help but think of the times I ran in that race. Could feel the contrast of me walking deliberately along as the runners streamed past. The longing to be running with them!

Came back and drove to L's. We went on to IKEA and began a round of shopping. I had made a list so we knew what we were after, in general. Stopped early to eat there, and then returned to the action. Got a small pine dining table, two matching pine chairs, and other needed items. L was marvelous! She likes to, and is good at, assembling things. She put together the table and chairs in no time flat. When assembled, with place mats in place, the place begins to feel like home. One niche done and more to go.

I was tired by the end of the day, but more of a good kind of tired and not an anxiety-driven weariness. Thank goodness for friends like L. She made the difference between me crashing and moving on.

Sunday, I got up and made a run to Target to pick up more things. Many more things! 14 years of collecting done in days, well maybe months. L came by in the early afternoon with some curries from DeeDee's. Delicious! And, energizing! That food is so really right for me. This was L's vacation week and she used a hunk of it helping me cope. I'm immensely grateful!

So, I'm beginning to set my rituals and organize my practices. Up this morning (Monday), did Qigong, ate breakfast, went for a walk, and left to go to SC for a session. Alas, my truck was not ready for the trip. Had to cancel the session and take my truck to the dealer's shop. Something wrong with the heater (not working) and the temp gauge looking like it wants to boil over. Not a good omen for going over the hill to SC (steep hill). Awaiting call from them regarding what's to be done. Dealer is only three blocks away, so easy to drop off and walk home/there.

Today was the first day that I've really "been here." Thursday and Friday were panic days. Sat and Sun were settling down days. Today is today. Place is fairly quiet once everyone leaves for work. In fact the place is almost empty.

Janice, in her Wed session, talked about the "two lives" aspect of recovering from Rebellious Qi--how there are inner and outer aspects that have to be dealt with or accessed (this is all my interpretation of what she was saying). How the outer part has to interact with the world (truck repair) while the inner has to address feelings, emotions, anxieties, joys, satisfactions created around the outer actions. How the recovering person has to be aware of these two states and work with them both--not hide the inner, but acknowledge it and deal with it as well as the outer actions. A seed she planted that is growing in my awareness.

Time to wrap up this episode. I have another session on Wed (truck willing) and then plan to take a break for a couple of weeks to focus on settling in here more. Hopefully, I'll have DSL by the end of the week. (I only realized yesterday that I could dial out--Duh!--before the DSL arrives.)

After I got through the shock and awe of once again moving (Thurs/Fri), I'm starting to feel better about everything as I settle in (with great thanx to L for all of her coaching and help). I'm starting to look for a good twin bed setup for the bedroom (instead of sleeping on the futon chair that I now have--which I'm starting to actually like) and a lounge chair for the living room, as well as a setup for my computer stuff. Also, need to sort through my storage locker mostly for kitchen items. But, no hurry. Right now, there are places to cook, eat, sit, work, sleep--who needs more?

Thanx again to all of you for your support and prayers. Especially, M&E and L! The mists are clearing--I can start to see the possibilities. Love and blessings to everyone!

5927

Worked with Janice this afternoon. She gave me a lot of insight into what may be in store down the road. My "tiredness" may persist or alternate between feeling good and feeling like crap. At first, the feeling good states may be short, but they will grow as I persist with the practices and increase exponentially. At the start, it may not look this way, but I'm advised to hang in and continue to maintain a positive outlook and keep a global perspective--it's not any particular day's state that determines my final condition--it's the cumulative results that matter.

She advised me to be prepared for some not so good times--it will be a function of what I need to clean up (physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually) that will determine the severity of the recovery process states.

We stopped the tremor during the session and my arm is quiet. We worked with my right arm and hand and loosened up my right forearm and fingers. The work went quickly and she again encouraged me to consider cutting back on sessions and only coming over as needed. She says I've got all the data I need at this point--I just need to focus on practicing what I've learned.

Told her about my juggling experiments and she said there had been another person who recovered and also juggled. I made it through two full cycles today--six throws and catches. It's coming back. And, it does make my brain feel good!

So tomorrow is moving day. Packing up and heading to the new apartment, and a new life--literally. It will be a totally new one from what I've been doing. Janice spoke of learning to live two lives while the recovery process is still underway--the "normal person" and the person with symptoms. She also spoke about having to live differently in the new life--not recreating old patterns, which are what brought me to where I am.

There may be some interruptions in my daily blog entries until I get connected to an ISP at my new place. I've got two treatment sessions scheduled on Monday and Wednesday of next week, but most of my remaining time will be dealing with settling into my new place. I'll continue to post as I find WiFi access until I get connected.

Initial treatment sessions are almost over. Next comes mostly maintenance sessions as needed and the nitty-gritty of working on myself and all that entails. I am grateful for what I've learned to date, for the many good thoughts and wishes from everyone, for me being reconnected to the Father and the gifts he has sent my way, for M&E's generous use of their place for the past two months, and for the opportunity to take the next steps.