6139

End of July. August begins its sunshine caravans. My dreams of last night have been sucked into the black home of wakefulness. Or more precisely, they disappeared upon my awakening--late in the morning as it was.

Felt jumbled and out of sorts yesterday, especially after going to the birthday party. Or more precisely, while at the party, afterwards, and on into today. Had breakfast with L and then we went and saw the March of the Penguins (great film--very well done). Afterwards, we walked about some.

It wasn't until I got home and did a set of Qigong exercises that I felt like I'd landed back on the planet. I felt anxious, distracted, and very preoccupied--not with anything in particular, just did not feel grounded.

Got a couple of calls from my son expressing concern over how I was at the party--or his experience of how I was. I was no doubt kind of weird and out of it. Not much more so than normal, but it was the first time he's seen me since all of this started. I'll speak with him in a bit and get some feedback on what happened, how I was or acted.

There has to be some reason for what's happening and it's sounding like I need more specifics. I knew I was not meshing with reality very well, but I don't know what's triggering this state, or what I can do to work with it.

I don't feel anything like the anxiety or mental hesitation that I felt yesterday and today when I'm sitting here writing. The words and thoughts flow and stream out with almost no breaks or halts. But, when I'm talking, listening, trying to understand someone else's train of thought or comments, my mind slips sideways and ends up not hearing everything. Or not understanding, or something like that.

It's also linked to how much rest I've had, when I've eaten, what I've eaten, and seemingly other variables. I'm still experiencing a tremor in my right arm that comes and goes--also linked to the same set of body states just listed.

Well, tomorrow is a new day, a new month, and a new set of chances to make observations, explorations, and see if any of this puzzle becomes more resolvable. Or to see if I can manage to release my fixation on all of this and get on with things.

Was reading a few sayings from Pema Chodron earlier tonight. She advocates starting where you are (where I am) and facing whatever is in front of me, as it is. No changes needed--just attention to what is.

6140

Dreamed that I was responsible for the logistics of a school enrichment project. The project involved taking a batch of technology items to various schools, helping set them up, and then coming back later to disassemble everything and pick it up.

The schools were in remote areas. The program was supposed to help provide access to technology that regular schools already had available. At the first school, I was helping unload the materials. As I helped, I picked up that the teachers were not that enthusiastic about receiving the technology. Even though the equipment came with lesson plans and suggested projects, the teachers felt it was a burden for them to deal with the extra preparation and making time for the projects. To help ease this discomfort, they were being paid extra for their participation.

I learned that they were expecting to be paid when I delivered the equipment. I didn't know anything about those arrangements and told them they would have to contact the project coordinator regarding when they would receive payments. They were not happy. I figured that I'd talk to the coordinator later and mention the teacher's expectations. Meanwhile, I had five more schools to which to make deliveries.

The second school was an academy in the woods style private school. I got the same teacher reactions as at the first school. Apathy and discomfort. They too expected to be paid on delivery. In addition, the students at this school were helping to unload and unpack. This led to a modicum of chaos, but we managed to get everything unloaded. As I worked, there was this one kid who stood near me and talked about some of his personal projects that involved technologies. The kid had an odd monotone voice that was almost a drone. He spoke nonstop about his experiments, detailing the materials and resources he had used. The content of what he described was very technical and specific. He was like a walking encyclopedia. He seemed extraordinarily bright, but spoke slowly and in that perverse monotone.
***********************************
Lots of dancing last night. Only sat out a handful of dances. Attending lessons is paying off.

Got to bed late and to sleep later. Read a few more of the Astonishing stories. A more appropriate title would be Weird Stories, or Stories of the Weird. Strange stuff. Surprising that my dreams were so logical and non-weird. Bizarre maybe, but non-weird.

Went to my step-granddaughter's 6th birthday bash. Met many of my son's highschool and college friends there. Good to see that he has a strong network of friends that have maintained over the years. D&D hosted the event. There was, as seems customary there, more than enough good food and drinks.

However, after several hours I was exhausted--bleary-brained from meeting people and trying to keep track of names and stories. Was glad to finally take leave and come back to my quiet room.

But, I also noted how much my stress levels elevated during this event. They went off the charts. I grow old, I grow old. I am aching for a still and quiet place from which I can choose to venture. I am aching for just such a sanctuary. May I discover it sooner instead of later.

6141

Partial dream recalled from last night. I was on a boat or cruise ship. I was entertaining an old friend BdeK and his family. We were in New York onboard a cruise ship that was docked for the evening. There were lots of attractions both on the ship and on land. BdeK was there to work with me on a project that was being done for a publisher. We were having a good time watching the kids take the rides and talking about old projects and what we might do on the current one.

It was a lighthearted dream segment. I don't recall much more that this thumbnail sketch, but the dream seemed to go on for quite a while.

Went to yoga class this morning. Last class by this teacher until October. Will be a new person teaching next week. Will be good to have a different instructor for a while. Change is in the air.

I continue to think often and a lot about where I'm going to settle. I feel so uncertain about everything. Uncertain and frozen. I've created a partially comfortable situation where I am now and resist the thoughts of looking elsewhere, moving, relocating, and so on. But, I'm clearly not settled with where I am now or the prospects of being able to stay locally. Part of the problem, is that I'm thinking about it a lot, but not very creatively, thoroughly, or clearly.

Just noticed that one of my grandkids just turned 6. She'll be 6 and I'll be 66. She'll be 7 and I'll be 67. And onwards to the march of time.

But, back to the location problem. The answer is location, location, location. The thought of it makes me want to close my eyes and sleep. I've noticed that I've not been "seeing" a lot recently. I catch myself sitting with my eyes closed, as if in meditation or sleep. It's restful, but it's not exactly productive. Movement is being called for. It is the age of Tonatiuh--the 5th Aztec Sun God--the god of movement. The one who goes forth shining--the name of my golden camper truck.

Attitude, attitude, attitude. Another component of the mystery. Attitude influences all. I know and I do not practice. Practice, practice, practice. Another key (Qi) to the universe. Move and practice with intention, with attitude.

Well, so much for today's mumbo-jumbo pep talk. Time now for serious thoughts. Oh, yeah! Let there be thought. Let there be movement. Let there be--well, just let there be.

The day creeps on in its petty pace. Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fry. Munch, crunch, it's time for lunch. Now that's a serious thought. Let's go.

6142

Dreamed I was in a town where I had once lived. I was flying a model airplane, a glider. It did not have an engine. As I was playing with the plane, it got caught in an updraft and was swept upwards, high above the buildings. I ran along the streets following its path. I was in a neighborhood of tall old houses many of which had been converted into apartments.

I watched as the plane veered over one old building and landed on a rooftop patio. I found myself standing at the foot of the building. There was a long set of stairs that led upwards to a door. As I looked at the building, I realized that I had lived there at one time. A woman came out of a downstairs door and I asked her if Todd still lived in the upstairs apartment. She indicated that he did live there, but was not home.

I asked if it would be permissible for me to go up and retrieve my airplane even though he wasn't there. She thought it would be OK. I rushed up the stairs, opened the door, and started up another set of stairs that led to the roof. Along the way, I kept seeing familiar objects--things that I had seen before when I lived in the downstairs apartment. At some point, I got sidetracked by the objects and forgot my original purpose of retrieving the airplane.

I awoke while I was still in Todd's apartment looking at the various familiar objects.

I'm not sure if I ever actually knew anyone named Todd that had lived in the same building with me. I seemed to recall a face of a man named Ted when I spoke of Todd in the dream. But, I also didn't ever live in the same building with Ted. In fact, I can only recall Ted's face at this time, but nothing specific about him or who he was.

The woman in the lower apartment seemed familiar, but I don't even recall her face now. In the dream, her face seemed clouded or misty--not clear or defined.
***********************************
Went to dance class tonight. No parking spaces at the dance place. People are having too much fun. They're going out each night to the many events at the rec centers and ignoring their duties to stay home and watch TV.

Read a Stephen King story this afternoon. He's amazing. The story was rather long for a piece of short fiction, but I couldn't stop reading and didn't want it to end when it did. He's such an accomplished story teller and writer. The piece just flows and yet is dark and foreboding. You know something bad/weird is going to happen, but you don't have a handle on it until it's on you, all over you, and you're buried in the horror. Probably won't be a comparable story in the collection. Maybe the one by Oates. Will see.

Moving and getting a stable living place continues to be foremost in my thoughts. Need to resolve that issue soon so I can get on with things and stop treading water. Let there be dreams of places for me to live. Dreamtime in overtime. Drop the dream places all over me.

6143

Interesting set of dreams last night. One sequence showed a sky filled with clouds. In the clouds, which were light and filmy with pastel colors of pinks and yellows, there were words floating through. The words were affirmative or positive words such as "freedom," "joy," "happiness" and so on. The cloud filled sky was like a pool and I was diving into the mists, swimming after the words. It was a joyous dream. There were other "souls" (people) there and they too were diving and swimming as the words and clouds moved by.

A second dream involved a fashion show with models wearing garments of a new design. The clothing was diaphanous like the clouds in the wordcloud dream. I was involved somehow in the presentation. I was not the designer, but was representing him or her for the show.

A third dream found me in a rather barren apartment. There was no furniture or anything on the walls. There was a pad or futon thrown on the floor. I was there with an ex-girlfriend. She kept getting up and going into what I presumed was the kitchen. We were both naked. At times, the dream became highly erotic. Even so, she would often get up and leave the room. When she left, I would fall asleep wondering what I was doing there and how the dream was going to end.

I just recalled that the dream also had a dark side to it. There were times when I dreamed, within the dream when I fell asleep, of the woman coming back into the room with a gun. She would put the muzzle of the gun against my head while she mumbled something about betrayals and death. I would awaken from my dream within the dream and she would be there, but without a gun. It was a complicated, Escher-like dream sequence charged by the death threats and the erotic scenes.

Really strange dreams, especially when taken together.

Dance class was enjoyable last night. Learned two new dances and got to review several others. We danced the one dance that raised my Qi level last week. It's done to a piece of music that has a Latin beat. The dance has a good flow and matches the music really well. It's a pleasure to dance it and go with the flow.

Started reading the Eco book and some of the Cuban stories. Not sure if I'll stick with Eco's tome. It's a very difficult read with all manner of asides (erudition 101) that don't really help move the story. I'll stick with it for a bit and see if it becomes less opaque. Just in case, I picked up a new collection of Alice Munro's stories and a compendium of Astonishing Stories. These latter works are by writers such as King, Oates and others. So I have plenty to read no matter what the verdict may be on Eco's efforts.

Slept in late this morning (once again) and devoured a bento box of teriyaki and tempura dishes for brunch/lunch. Cool here in my room, but a bit warm outdoors--so good reason to stay here and read/write/cogitate. Haven't done my daily Qigong yet, but will do so towards evening. Day hasn't gone like I roughly planned, but it has been restful and quiet--so far. I expect the gardeners to possibly arrive. Uh, oh! I think they may here. I hear water being sprayed and other such sounds.

False alarm! Just a neighbor filling up a watering can. But, time to move on anyway for now. More, later, perhaps.
***********************************
Got a note from the Dragon. He's moved to Oregon and is enjoying the coastal features of that great state. He's a happy Dragon as you might discern from this clip of what he sent me --

I am happy going though life studying math.

I am happy going through life studying physics.

I am happy going through life studying astronomy.

I am happy going through life studying all the above.

I am happy studying and learning.

I am happy helping others learn anything I know or can learn to help them learn.

I am happy running play-by-email games

I am blessed with a life that has all of the above.

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Many things make me happy.

--From the Dragon, 7/27/05

Sounds like a happy Dragon to me. May the Dragon's happiness fall on everyone. He's also the Dragonmeister of the statement:

Reality expands to fill the available fantasies.

6144

I believe that last night's dream (one of them) had something to do with a classroom. Details are gone now--I awoke in bursts this morning and dream content got overlaid by waking thoughts.

Read last night until nearly midnight and then had some difficulty falling asleep. Was still running energy from the Qigong class--either that or I was being kept awake from the chicken sandwich I inhaled after class along with part of a Magic Bar. I was really hungry coming out of Qigong despite the late hour.

I finished the Means' book, Assorted Fire Events. The final stories were concise, shorter pieces that were very good reading. It was just the first few stories in the collection that didn't work well for me and almost caused me to dump the rest. Some of his writing reminded me of David Morrell's Nightscape story collection. (I just saw that Morrell has written over 75 books. Will have to see what else is in the library. Morrell's work is darker than Means', but comparably written.)

So much for my book review/reporting. There has been that cluster of writers though that I've read now--haselett, williams (conrad), means (david) and morrell (also david). Plus munro, oates, doctorow, and others. I almost picked up a Koontz novel at the library today. There were at least three sitting in the new books section. But, I noted that I had enough on my reading plate right now without adding one of his eyeball burners to the mix.

Quiet, warm day. I started the Eco book, Baudolino (I think I referred to this book as Bordolino, previously). Anyway, it's not surprising that the book is dense and filled with dictionary-bursting words and voluminous historical allusions (see what it's doing to me already). It's certainly more lighthearted than his earlier books, or perhaps he's just made the humor more obvious (for the historico-literary impaired like me).

Dance class tonight. Will be good to move about some after sitting and reading/writing today. Will meet L afterwards for ice cream at the BR parlor (do we still refer to these places as parlors?). Maybe the combination of events will elicit some dancing ice cream parlor dreams. Anything is possible, especially with multiple universes.

6145

Awoke feeling great this morning. Felt like bounding up and jumping out into the world. Elected to sleep a bit more just because I could, and did. Nice breeze today that's cooling things down--compared to yesterday's oven-roasted temperatures.

Went to the library today and picked up Umberto Eco's Bordolino and a set of Cuban stories titled Dream with No Name. Haven't cracked either one just yet--but soon.

In last night's dream, I was on board an airplane. I was flying with a group of people to someplace. We were like a project team that was being sent to a specific location to perform a specific set of tasks. I had books and a laptop with me and I was working during the flight. I had commandeered a rear seat and had my stuff laid out on the seats as I worked.

At some point, we took on more passengers and this sour little man came all the way to the back of the plane to take one of the seats I was using. I repiled my stuff and gave him a seat, but the arrangement didn't work for me. I closed up the laptop and got into conversation with some of my team members. I was annoyed that my space had been reduced and made useless. The sour-looking man just ignored us and buried his head in a magazine.

I noticed yesterday that not eating breakfast and waiting to eat a late lunch made me feel really lethargic--until I ate the lunch. Probably can't go a whole day now without eating at least one good meal and preferably two--one early in the day and one later based on planned activities. My system seems to be balanced delicately and can't take too many missed or delayed meals. Bananas and yogurts are proving to be good bridge snacks.

Good session with the chiropractor this morning (even though I got there late because of sleeping in). I'm feeling more aligned and balanced--noted this especially when I was walking today.

Enjoyed the summertime weekend, even some of the heat. Did some or more of the following this weekend--yoga, dancing, movie, beach, Qigong, ate well, relaxed, read, walked, and my laundry--to chronicle but a few activities. Enjoyed the full moon, the low, low tides, cool sea breezes, cold beer, good sleep and dreams. A weekend to remember. Perhaps. Certainly, a weekend that filled the fiery days and sultry nights.

And, of course, much more took place than the bit that I have chronicled. There was the aggressive homeless person demanding fifty cents from the two Hispanic men at the Laundromat. His tone not asking or begging, but demanding. The look on his face was like the face on an Aztec sculpture, severe and harsh. I felt like anything could have happened--a fight perhaps. But after saying his demand several times with the two men looking at him with puzzled expressions, he gave it up and stormed off down the street. Today, after sleeping in a burrow that he's carved from available places, will he even recall the incident? Or am I the one left with the memory, the tensions of the scene, the wonderment of what took place?

There was also the maple glazed donut that I bought at the 24-hour donut shop while my clothes dried. Lots of details; lots of small events. All of which made up the weekend days, the weekend daze.

6146

Hot again today, but not as hot as yesterday. Up early and went to the cool beach in HMB with L. Fog was at sea level and an accompanying breeze made it more than cool--it was cold until some burn off occurred. Very low tide. Flat expanses of sand that a dog who chased frisbees thought was his (or her) private play yard.

Still sated from previous night's feasting had a pastry and coffee rather than breakfast. Came back into the heat and stopped by the farmer's market. Took that bounty back to L's and she fixed a lunch of flame roasted (BBQ) fresh vegetables and a spicy sausage (habanero and green chiles). Sat outside on the deck and washed down the food with cold brews.

Watched the evening news and heard about bombings (several), Tour de Lance (he took first place), 75 cities with temperatures over 100 degrees to day, global warming and the melting of ice in the polar regions, miscellaneous nonsense. Earlier in the day, we listened to Prairie Home Companion and an interview with Umberto Eco (want to read his latest novel that deals with memory--losing it).

So was a long, busy day that was quite nice--very laid back and summertime-ish.

Did have a dream last night (Sat night). I was in a preserve on an alien planet. I was involved in researching the planet's exotic fauna. In one part of the dream, I rode around on a motorcycle. I carried a pair of stilts with me, strapped to the cycle. The vehicle helped me get to different places more easily than walking through the abundant vegetation. I used the stilts to put me above the tall grasses where I had a better view of herd movements and isolated animals.

The planet's creatures were exotic and varied. I kept being surprised by new variations and new behaviors. There were other people on the survey team, but they thought I was a bit odd and often left me alone as I wandered about. The planet had a breathable atmosphere so we didn't have to wear any special gear. We weren't too sure if any of the flora was edible, so we stuck with our own foods. I recall that that was an important part of the dream.

The 75 cities with 100+ temperatures, along with the melting icecap, plus a huge dust cloud setting itself up to pass over Florida, makes me think of global catastrophes--especially when paired up with the avian flu threats (there's a cluster of people who have died in China from some mysterious disease) and the talk of a pandemic.

Hmmm! Pagosa Springs may be a good place to be--just as Ramtha predicted over a decade ago. Hmmm!

6147

Hot!! 100+ degrees in unshaded places. AC on in the truck makes moving around possible. L and I just got back from a muggy movie--Ladies in Lavender--good flick. Smith and Densch make a great sisterly odd couple. Plot was fairly straight forward--nothing too unexpected, but an enjoyable film.

We had a scrumptious dinner beforehand--I had salmon with corn/crab cakes and wilted spinach. Delicious. Even though we had key lime (authentic key lime) pie for dessert, we still stopped for a Cold Stone ice cream after the show. I may gain back some of the weight I lost.

Dreamed last night of working on the creation of a board game. Somehow, the action involved two families--mine (wife, kids) and a co-worker (husband, kids). There were some subtleties in the game that I had worked out. We were play testing the latest versions with our two families.

There was some brain twisting that I had to do to come up with the right mix of tension and fun when the game was played. I had worked it out earlier, before the time of the dream. The dream was about me trying to recreate what I had done earlier. It hadn't been fully written down and I was struggling to recall what I had done before.

Awoke with images of the game board and playing pieces being used by the kids. I was watching the gameplay and making notes regarding possible modifications.
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It's early to bed tonight. Up early in the morrow to trek to the beach while the sun is low and the temps are as well. Sleeply times and dreams that are a making.

6148

Couldn't fall asleep last night. Read until I was bleary-eyed, but had the full moon jitters and took some time falling off to sleep. Any dreams I had got lost in the deep sleep I finally achieved.

Made it to yoga class this morning. Noticed that yoga's weight-bearing asanas are a good complement to Qigong's standing exercises that don't involve weight-bearing. It's all a whole, a warp and weave, a common focus.

I need to include more daily yoga practice--for both weight-bearing as well as stretching and flexibility. My token daily yoga practice includes a standing crocodile twist and a triangle pose as I take my daily shower. The warm water helps with these two postures' extensions. But, I don't normally do anything more than that. Balance-balance-balance. The secret to it all. Some of this and some of that, daily and in moderation. I know the drill.

Reading Means' Assorted Fire Events. Stories beyond the first few are reading better. There were a couple of stories that didn't really jell and made me want to just drop the book. Feeling better after reading an additional three or four stories. I'll finish the book now.

Also noted the quality difference between stories in Asimov and Analog. Analog's stories have more depth to them (partly because of the hard science in the writing), but also because the Azimov stories are just looser and not as well plotted. Anyway, that's what I registered last night as I moved from Asimov to Analog readings in the current publications.

Have a friend and his daughter in the UK. I know they are OK, but can't help thinking of them being swept up in yesterday's events. Thank goodness the devices didn't detonate--that would have been a double dose after the earlier results. Wishing my friend godspeed on his stay there and his return.

I'm still not putting in any real writing time (other than this journal). I keep feeling the tickle, but I've not made the effort so far. But it's on my mind--persistently. Have been thinking of story plots and such. Getting to be time to move from thought to words on the screen. Time and walruses are overdue.

6149

In last night's dream (one of them), I was working with a team of people at LF (again--it's been nearly a year since I left there, but the memories linger on) on a mathematics toy. It had three areas of interaction, pretty much like an equation--x+y=z.

In the dream, we were discussing ways to activate the x and y areas. Proposals involved using rods (counting objects), blocks, magnetic numbers, and other strategies. We managed to prototype several of the ideas and were testing them out. The dream continued for some time with the team busily making modifications and trying out new ideas. The device looked promising.

There was an entire side discussion around the topic of the age-level for the toy. Someone questioned whether or not a child who didn't have a complete grasp of numbers might deal with building equations. Some of us pointed out that, if done correctly, the child would be encouraged to play and learn. That there would be no "right" answer, but the discovery of matching patterns by varying the input objects--especially when using counting rods. The output area could image the result of combining the objects in the two input domains.

Anyway, the dream discussions proceeded in this manner as did the physical device. By the end of the dream, the device had been adjusted to accommodate people's different suggestions and was ready for review.

Awoke a bit late this morning. Read into the early morning hours and didn't want to jump up when the clock showed 7, 8 or even 9. But, had a chiropractor appointments so I finally had to move--slowly.

Shocked to hear of a second wave of bombing attempts in the UK. Looks like the bombers didn't put their devices together so well this time around. Fortunately, their mistakes resulted in no loss of lives. They ended up, it seems, carrying a bag full of smoke bombs.

So many uncertain events pounding on the planet. Terrorists, avian flu pandemics, starvation, disease, deaths, and so much more. My small personal concerns seem like pollen dust caught in the swirl of a hurricane. Life goes on, and on, in this petty pace--Uh, oh! There it is again--a Shakespeare leak, a bardic blowthrough, a residual remembrance of scenes long past.
***********************************
Dance class was fun and energizing tonight. We reviewed Home (NC 2-step rhythm), reviewed something she taught last week (Lusty Passion??), Hell or High Water, and a new one (name gone) that mixed up the CW 2-step and a waltz (bizarro).

Full moon rising on the way home. Jack-o-lantern moon hanging in the sky. At one spot it was bisected by a power line, a black slit across the huge pale orange face.

Yoga and dancing tomorrow. I booked a ticket (using FF miles) to Memphis in September--after Sept 11 of course. About $500 worth of ticket for 25,000 miles. Still leaves me 90+K miles in the bank. Will work for a trip to HI plus still some leftover. Travel time!

Getting late... Time to sleep--perchance to dream...

6150

Dreamed I was involved in a multi-vehicle wreck. It happened near the coast along the coast highway. It was night and a sports car lost control and managed to cause three or four other cars and trucks to leave the road and careen off into the sand dunes. No one was hurt, but all of the vehicles were stuck in the sand and couldn't be moved.

I indicated that if we walked north, along the beach or road, that we'd come to a facility that I knew was there. The problem would be that the complex was a research facility and we wouldn't find it easy to enter. But, we had no choice. The place where we were stuck was fairly remote and it didn't look like there was other traffic we could flag down.

We walked along the beach and came to the complex. We managed to enter a large parking lot and approached a gate that separated the lot from the buildings. As we neared the gate, a woman stepped away from a laboratory bench and challenged us. She asked what we were doing there. She said that the facility was a government complex and only people with special clearances were allowed to enter.

Somehow, at this point, the dream flow shifted and I was holding a piece of equipment that was some part of the operations. There was also another piece that was being held by one of the other people from the wreck. The woman pushed an alarm button and told us to stand still. Of course, we all took off. There was a lot of scrambling about, but we were soon surrounded by guards. They took the object from the other person. I hid my object in my jacket. Eventually, they let us go and I walked away with the metal object in my coat. About then, I awoke.

Not sure of the segue between the two dream elements or the transition between walking up to ask for assistance and having picked up the metal objects. Also no clear reason why they let us go and me keeping my object on me. Clearly a cluster of dream images that my subconscious wanted to bind together no matter the sacrifice of logic.

Been a slow day. Spent quite a bit of time trolling Craigslist seeing what kind of jobs, gigs and situations are being offered. Eclectic array of possibilities. I registered for a Yahoo focus group--will see if they ask me to come in. Came across a part-time position with Zazzle.com. Interesting site and an obviously interesting position. The job notice was over a month old. They no doubt got tons of inquiries. Zazzle and Google are talking with each other about a merger or such. Zazzle concept, user-created products (postage stamps, t-shirts, cards, posters, and so on) looks like an idea whose time has come. A lot of sizzle with Zazzle.

Saw several requests for written contributions to websites, publications, etc. Will start sending stuff to these various sites and see what emerges. Meanwhile, it's dream time again. Moon was hanging in the sky tonight like a Japanese paper lantern. A haze of clouds gave it a soft look, orange and luminous. Moonlight melodies.

6151

Dreamed another "old" dream last night--a repeat of some previous dream that dealt with the same content. I was setting up a computer. The setup stage required that a specific sequence of actions had to be taken in order to get the computer to work properly.

I knew the sequence since I had done it all before. There was someone there with me, but I told them I knew what had to be done and would have it done momentarily.

As I predicted, I went through the steps and got the system running as expected. There was a few places in the activities where I had to retrace and redo some things, but overall it went smoothly. I recall feeling pleased with myself after getting the system to work. I was amazed that I managed to recall the procedures since it had been a while since I had done an entire setup from start to finish.

Awoke refreshed and invigorated. Full moon energies showering down from the heavens. Tonight should bring the moon to full power.

H stopped by and invited me to lunch, but I had just returned from eating a rather large breakfast. So I had to pass--we would have gone to a place that makes great fajitas--too bad! Another time, perhaps. The breakfast was big enough to perhaps last through dance class tonight.

I'm finishing up the Means' stories. Edgy writing; borderline creepy. Each story is tension-filled and seemingly ready to explode. They never do, but the build up each time feels like things could explode.

Alternating between and Means and some SciFi (Analog and Asimov) stories. The contrast is stark. Means (and others I've been reading) has characters and stories that elicit more emotion, more compassion, more empathy. The SciFi work, for the most part, is sterile feeling. Even the best doesn't match up closely to the more literary works.

Got a note from the Dragon today. He's enjoying his new place by the sea--walking the beach in the morning to get his coffee and to return home. He has heard the mermaids singing each to each.

He indicates that the sea air has cleared up a persistent sinus drainage that he has been experiencing for some time. Some people clear out when they hit the fresh bromides near the sea. Others do the same in desert climates.

Saw a news/info story today on upcoming Baby Boomer franchises. One was a daycare center for seniors! Somewhat like a daycare center for young kids, except the seniors can go outside and smoke, sit and watch sports on TV or play low stakes poker. Interesting things going on in this crazy world.

A tree chipper is busily (and noisily) chomping through some downed trees up the street. No end to noises in the urban jungle--noises made as a horde of caretakers attempt to manage the always growing trees, shrubs, bushes, flowers, grass, and other cultivations.

6152

Old/new dream last night. The dream was old in that it involved being in a plane that was taxiing and taking off from a crowded airport. I was in the plane's cabin as the navigator. There were two other people in the cabin--the pilot, an old childhood friend of mine (BB) and a current friend (RR) who was co-pilot. We were cleared for takeoff, but the approach corridor was one where you had to navigate the plane through city traffic in order to takeoff. BB was inching the plane through traffic and pedestrians when he missed a turn and started up a wrong street.

I told him that he was on the wrong street, but he had been drinking (as had RR) and he continued up the street. It was really dicey using that street for takeoff because of the traffic, people and low-hanging utility wires. BB ignored all of these problems, gunned the engines, sailed off down the street and miraculously cleared the wires and got into the air.

As we were reaching altitude, we noticed that somehow we'd taken off without checking the fuel levels. We were nearly out of fuel and had to turn back and land before we crashed. This incident was going to put a mark against all of us, as crew, and we'd probably be grounded and fined.

Sure enough, when we landed the coordinator came into the cabin and told us we were on administrative leave and could expect not to be flying anytime soon. We deplaned and got into a large 4x4 truck. BB was driving, of course. He was still drunk and acting crazy. We nearly hit some other cars and ended up spinning out and landing in a ditch. When we got out, BB went nuts and started smashing the truck, hitting it and kicking it, and generally throwing a fit.

I was standing back watching him do his thing. At one point, I actually was impressed by the amount of energy he expended and how much damage he was able to inflict. About then, I awoke and replayed the dream so I could write it down later.

Had a dental hygiene this morning. Pretty good results since last cleaning. My biochemistry has changed somewhat so I'm not building up as much as I used to accumulate. Hygienist had taken some CW dance lessons in the South Bay, but couldn't recall the teachers' names.

I was hungry since I'd skipped breakfast. Grabbed a middle eastern salmon plate (do they have salmon in the middle east?). Later had a frittata before going to Qigong class. Good class despite how tired I felt when I left to go there. Came away from the class energized. Experienced very deep breathwork at the chiropractor.

Nearly full moon tonight. Energy levels feel like it's full and overflowing. Not much done today except reading in the Means' book of stories. Tomorrow and tomorrow, etc. Have the day free tomorrow--except for dance class tomorrow evening. Time to get some things done...and pick up my MegaMillion lottery check--Oh, yeah!

6153

Dreams galore last night and today. Intense, adrenalin-filled dream elements. One dream dealt with a script or program for a toy that I had worked on while at LeapFrog. A technician was confronting me with the fact that I had set the delay intervals between interactions to a uniform 2 seconds. He was pointing out that doing so did not work in all cases. I was trying to tell him that the settings were placeholders since the product had not been fully tested before it was pulled from the production list. I mentioned that if the product were reinstated then testing would need to be done and the settings could be adjusted.

He was stuck pointing out that the settings were not correct. It was a frustrating discussion. At one point, he implicated the settings to be one of the reasons that someone associated with the product had died. I noted that that conclusion made no sense whatsoever and that the two issues were not even remotely related to each other. The person's death was a completely random event and could not be tied to what I had done on the product script months ago.

The dream dissolved without coming to any sort or resolution.

A second dream involved me being chased or hunted by a group of wraiths. For some reason, they were after me and they kept materializing in odd and frightening ways. One thing they were able to do was to attach themselves to eaves or ceilings. When I ran past where they were clinging, they would drop down and come after me. After a while, I knew what they were doing and was somewhat more successful at avoiding them and the places they were hiding.

The dream continued for quite some (virtual) time and finally gave way to deep sleep.

Today, when I took a nap, I had a dark dream that was scary. I was in a room or apartment near a tunnel that carried traffic past the place. I was there with an ex-wife and two children. There was a room with a mirror. When I sat across from the mirror, I could see myself and the room reflected. But every so often, The image in the mirror would transform and I would see approaching traffic or the mirror seem to grow larger and move toward me.

I remarked to the ex-wife that I was experiencing these hallucinations. I told her that something inside me, in my mind or consciousness, had shifted and that I could see things that others could not. Some of the things I saw, were premonitions of future tragic events.

In the dream, I kept seeing things in the mirror or the mirror shifting and zooming. I became frightened at some points and tried to turn away, but could not do so. I had to watch each scene to conclusion. At some juncture, I awoke because of the intensity of the images.

Took L to breakfast this morning and we walked for a while near the baylands. She had to get busy with her to-do lists before the weekend disappeared. I went for a quick trip to TJ's to pick up some odd items and ended up at the MP street fair. It was near the closing time so I just grabbed a sandwich and finished my errands. Had fun dancing last night. Didn't remember the Pirate's dance even though I've drilled it several times.

Cooler now, at last. Have dentist, chiropractor and Qigong class tomorrow. Plus spending more time on figuring out my life. Maybe my life is really happening in my dreams and all of this other stuff is just illusion. The old butterfly/man puzzle over and over.

Macbeth's speech came to me today and then disappeared. I looked it up and it's the "She should have died hereafter" speech with "tomorrow and tomorrow" passage. What makes the mind remember such things? Maybe it's but a dream--aye, there's the rub... Uh, Oh! Another one.

6154

Extensive, musical dream last night. I was in a room with many people, mostly women, who were meeting regarding some issue that was important to the group. I and others were not members of the group, but were allowed to sit in on the deliberations.

At one point, the main business seemed to be completed and people began taking out musical instruments. I had a cello or some such similar instrument. Some people began to play some musical pieces and the rest of us joined in as we could. I seemed to be having some difficulty harmonizing with the other instruments. I started rapping on by instrument to try and match the rhythms and patterns being played by the bulk of the group.

The whole scene was fairly relaxed and was not too intimidating. I was struggling to keep in tune and on key with the whole body. At one point, we all seemed to be sitting in a large circle playing together.

There was a later part of the dream where one of the women was commenting on what wasn't working. She was pointing out aspects of some of the players, like myself, who weren't helping keep the music flowing. We were playing in a manner that was not facilitating building harmony. I felt like I was being singled out as an example of what she was describing. What followed were long sessions of me trying to play along, but not being able to do so.

Despite the negative overtones of the dream, I awoke feeling energized. I arose and did a Qigong series and then set about the day. Laundry took up several hours of prime morning time. I managed to choose a washer that had some type of hiccup, and that stopped and waited for me to reset the cycle indicator when I thought it was doing the wash.

When I returned from laundry-land, the landlords invited me in for lunch. Simple, tasty meal of beans, rice, potato, plantain, tomato, pickles, cheese, guava and a date. Delicious and healthy. H kept things lively with some of his many stories.

She is getting ready for a three-week trip to Italy and Greece. He will be going to SA later in the year for a family reunion--he has a family of 8 brothers and 2 sisters. The reunion will be a big deal--dozens of people coming together.

Great sushi feast last night. Eleven of us attended and made a dent in the seafood population. Beer, sake, sashimi, sushi, plus specialty dishes galore. It was a celebration of RB being five years now cancer-free. It was his night to relax and celebrate as he heads for Europe for a couple of weeks. We ended up revisiting the Shasta climb--with all of its humor and adventure elements.

Started reading a set of short stories by David Means, The Secret Goldfish. Initial story was good, very good--about a man who was repetitively struck by lightning over the course of his life. Not a "happy ending" story, but an engaging tale anyway.

Gardeners have arrived in a maelstrom of whackers and weeders, mowers and blowers. The descent of the grass/weed killers riding their moto-mechanical beasts. Actually, they did their mow and blow rather speedily today. Blitzed the man-modified organic domain in record time. Given the way the rest of this day has been moving in slo-mo time, it's good to see somethings happen quickly.

Dance tonight--will be good to dance away some of the foods I've been consuming.

Flashed back on last night--RR was sitting with his back to a young guy who has something radically wrong with his legs or hips. By comparison, RR is more mobile in some ways--yet the young man looked more in charge of himself than RR. It's all relative. It's all in what life deals us and how we react, respond, reflect, and adapt. Attitude creates potential. Like my attitude before and during the dinner. Before going, I was experiencing doubt and unease. On the way, I acknowledged my attitude and made an adjustment--an intention of enjoyment. And, voila! The evening became enjoyable. A little change of thought.

6155

Last night's dream was also in a classroom. I had been called in as a substitute teacher for a Science class. The students were more lethargic than noisy or unruly. They were waiting for me to come up with something that would grab their interest. Otherwise, they were content to just sit and wait for the bell.

One kid asked me a question regarding what we were going to do. I posed a question back asking them to demonstrate a simple experiment of making sounds with a paper clip. By straightening a paper clip and placing it on the edge of a desk, sounds can be made by plunking the end of the metal wire. By adjusting the length of the wire that's touching the desk, different notes can be made. I challenged the students to create devices that used the resonating paper clip in some way.

The students got interested in the paper clip idea and soon had devised all manner of sound-making devices. The classroom went from stillness to vast activity in no time. I was very gratified that I had been able to motivate the class into action. It was exciting to see them engaged.
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I punted on yoga class this morning. After a short Qigong session, I just felt like moving slowly and not having to rush out to get to yoga class. I can do some asanas on my own when I feel like doing that.

I'm thinking a lot about finding a place to live once again. I see my resources dwindling, not quickly, but surely. I also see the prices of places moving up as well. So, I'm feeling gentle pressure to find a place and settle down.

Was looking at the area around Pagosa Springs. High mountain region that gets some snow and weather. Something pristine about the region and there are homes there that are not too old and reasonably priced.

Have to do more research. Also, in some of the more reasonable areas, I can afford to rent a place and scope things out. But that entails making myself mobile, which is a whole other challenge. In and out, and round about. Meanwhile, the Qi builds and is expended.
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Counting down until this evening's sushi feast. RB is coming through town with his daughter and has invited the men's team and SO's to a sushi feed. Will be an extravaganza, no doubt.

Hot outside today. Made a short foray into the heat and quickly fired up the AC in my vehicle and hurried back to my cave. Cooler here, for now.

I'm feeling somewhat dislocated today. Like everything is on hold or in suspension. I'm reading and doing the mechanical movements, but feeling mushy and weak for some reason. Like last night, perhaps the arrival of the evening and the cooling down will help surge the energy levels.

Feeling like I want to take a nap as well. Just sit back, close my eyes and drop off into dreamland. Feeling lots of competing feelings and sensations. Feeling myself waiting--waiting for Godot. Waiting for the dough. Waiting for the snow. It's been a long time waiting, a long time been.

Wrapped in muslin sits my hopes, wrapped in garments, wrapped in jokes. I keep on rattling in the hope that a breakthrough will arrive, will manifest. Let it be so.

6156

I think I dreamed last night of being in a classroom. I was both teaching as well as being a student. So, there were episodes where I was asking myself questions and giving myself answers. I don't recall any specific content or exchange, but there was a sense of silliness about the whole dream, a sense of frivolity and playfulness.

There were other dreams as well, but don't remember them now. I need to jot down a synopsis of the dreams when I awake. By the end of the day, the dream details have turned fuzzy.

Chiropractor noted some energetic shifts in my system today. I think it's related to Qigong. The chiro said that there were energy levels being demonstrated that I had not shown before. Here's hoping.

Picked up a B-day card and gift for L. Her B-day is on Bastille Day. Went to Qigong class today. May drop going on Thursdays while I'm taking the 8-week series at the rec center.

Finished the 2nd Natusme short fiction--Hearing Things. Can really see where Murakami takes his cues. But, the story was not that great once it's read. Did learn some new words--fleer and cacchination. Since these stories were written nearly 100 years ago (and they were written in Japanese an then translated), there are quaint words and phrases that appear. The translators often worked too hard to adopt rather obscure wording. There 27 page introduction is also over the top, but the stories stand on their own.

Dance class tonight. Really warm outdoors today. Hope it cools back soon. Even my cave room is feeling the heat.

Discovered last night that housing prices in some of the spots I was watching a few months ago have escalated. Found other new places where I can still afford a place--but in those places, I could also afford to rent. Is a puzzlement! But, one that I'm going to have to solve, soon.

The BMR outfit sent me the list updating form. It's been over a year since I went on the list. Hmmm! Where does it go? Like melting snow.

6157

Finished Natsume's Ten Nights of Dream stories. They seemed to wander a bit toward the end, but still an interesting piece of writing.

I dreamed last night as well. One dream involved the people in the dance class. We were all gathered in a hall, almost like a church, and were supposed to dance once the lecture (sermon) was concluded. When that time came, it seemed that the music device was not working properly. In addition, no one had brought CDs or tapes. I felt like I was responsible and had failed to bring copies of my music. I asked people to retrieve any CDs they may be carrying in their vehicles. I attempted to load a tape or CD that was available, but there was something out of alignment with the player.

Someone kept telling me to not attempt to force the device to close--that I should be careful so as not to break the unit. People brought in their CDs. I managed to get one loaded and starting to play. There was a trick to getting the device to close properly once a CD was inserted. The music got people up and dancing.

At some point in the dream, there was a distinct feeling that all of this action was taking place in a senior citizen facility.

In a second dream, I was returning from a trip and had decided to take a mountainous route back. (This was not unlike the route I took back from the beach this morning.) The road contained a fair amount of traffic and at one point, when I let my attention wander, I ended up crashing into a car that had stopped in front of my truck. I looked up and saw the emblem on the trunk of the car right before smashing into it.

I awoke at this point in the dream and got up and went to the beach. Beach was heavily overcast with not too many people on the beach. I did some Qigong there by the sea. I felt self-conscious doing the practice and so did not come away with any revelations or insights--other than it would be really nice to practice by the sea. When I stopped and sat for a while, I felt a peacefulness wash over me.

Ended up going to the harbor and having breakfast at a cafe near the docks. Had a delicious salmon and egg scramble, with home fries (great) and rye toast. Topped this off with a glass of fresh OJ. Then, motored back home by taking the mountain route back. Just like in the dream, but with no crashes.

When I reached home, it was getting hot outside in line with today's prediction of record heat. The ocean air and food worked their magic on me and I fell asleep for a couple of hours. Cool here in my room. Not sure what it's like outside, but guess I'll find out.

Still expecting some form of breakthrough or shift in things. It's like there's a faint buzzing taking place around me--everything seems charged in some indirect way, waiting for the right confluence of events to break through, to break out, to manifest. No idea where this notion originates. It just seems to be present. Come out, come out, whatever/whoever you are!

L's birthday tomorrow. Need to gather a few birthday wishes.

6158

Soseki Natsume--Ten Nights of Dream. Can see why Murakami references this writer. Murakami's style and rhythms seem to be related to Natsume's. The Ten Nights piece is an elegant way to present ten separate, but related, short fictional writings in one piece.

I've only read a couple of the dream elements so far. Even though he wrote these stories over one hundred years ago, they seem quite modern, very up to date in terms of content and subject matter.

In my dreams last night, I seem to recall dreaming something to do with my two sons. I awoke late and I lost my dream details as I tossed and turned until finally waking.

Actually, I've been on low energy today. Did do my Qigong practice when I finally did get up, but after eating a late breakfast/lunch, I came back and took a nap. Still feeling like I could sleep even more. Going to dance class in a bit. That activity and cooling temperatures should help bring up the energy levels. I seem to be an owl and not a bluebird. Although, I intend to be bluebird-like tomorrow morning and had to the beach.

Gardener is outside watering the plants. The garden is beautiful, but almost requires a full time attendant. The garden must be tended or it will devolve and decay.
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Dance class was warm but energizing. Two more new dances--Memories and Shooga Shooga. Both fairly simple dances after is all said and done. Facility was deluged by other events that were taking place--jammed the parking lots.

Met L for ice cream (Tues=$1/scoop). Big crowd at the ice cream place. People attracted by the Tues night special plus it being really warm outdoors still. Forecast for tomorrow is "hot." Still thinking that I may head for the beach in the morning.

I'm still feeling "edgy"--as in on the edge of something. I feel like I'm coming up on a corner or rounding a curve and there's a whole new vista spread out before me. Right now, I'm just entering the turn, but I can sense that something is brewing.

Maybe my dreams tonight will provide a hint or a clue. Dream on!

6159

Finished the Murakami book today. Read until I couldn't see last night. Probably read until nearly 2AM. Was a warm, muggy night. There was a sound like running water coming through the heater vents. Not sure what that was about.

The Murakami book, Kafka by the Shore, is another brilliant work. He makes it seem so effortless and simple, yet I feel compelled to read, read and read. Can't get enough of that Murakami stuff. Fanciful story and very allegorical with sprinkles of paranormal, mysterious icons, and his wild mixture of the profane and mundane.

Picked up one of the Soseki books (actually Soseki is the writer's first name--his name, or rather pseudonym, is Soseki Natsume) that has a story called Ten Nights of Dream. Very appropriate stuff given my fascination with my own dreams (of which I don't remember any from last night even though I know I had at least one). It seems that they invert the names in Japan and refer to him as Natsume Soseki. There's also a bar over the "o" but I can't seem to find the set of keystrokes that make that symbol. His actual name is Natsume Kin'nosuke or Kin'nosuke Natsume in normal (English) form.

Will write my impressions once I read some of his stories.

Went to chiropractor and Qigong class tonight. When I walked into the class there was this pot-bellied, elderly dude (meaning he looked a lot older than me) who was taking attendance (you can see where my mind was). I figured him for a rec center volunteer who was earning his senior badge for being helpful. Turns out he's a co-founder of a local, but internationally known, Qigong Institute. He's a PhD and has an impressive vita. So much for my first impressions detector. He's apparently researched and built up a database of Qigong papers that detail clinical results from the practice.

The institute has its own website and is local (run out of his house perhaps). Good lesson for me regarding my insular attention to myself and not reaching out to others.

Spent some time last night puzzling through the frequent flier maze on the Internet. Looks like I can book flights with my FF credits and start making some journeys before my credits expire. Just have to book out in time a bit to get the best deals.

Now that I've finished my Murakami marathon, I should try and get to sleep a bit earlier than last night tonight. If no other reason, so I can net my own dreams and not have Murakami's or Natsume's dreams overlay my productions. Seems only fair.

Tomorrow is another day--wake up early and out to play...

6160

Sun and surf. Went to the beach this morning. Sea and Qi. Fog bank was rolled offshore so dunes were sunny, yet cool from a steady breeze.

Picked up L around 9:30AM and made the trek ahead of the crowds that came later in the day. First trip to the beach in a while. Long overdue.

Helped clear my head of the Murakami book--Kafka by the Shore. I read nearly half the book last night. Vintage Murakami fare--compelling yet simple story that is difficult to put down. Unique characters and a plot that twists and turns with nearly every page. No wells yet, but won't rule one out before it's all over.

Dreams last night were preempted by a fierce spate of reading. Must have been around 2AM when I set the book down and turned off the lights. He mentions some books by an early 20th century Japanese author, Soseki. Checked the library files and there's four books on the shelves. Went by there to see what they were like, but there was a craft fair on the grounds and hordes of people wandering about. No parking spaces were available so I passed on by and will go back tomorrow.

Had a good breakfast this morning at Sam's Cafe in HMB. Basic breakfast, but tasty. Went well with my salmon dinner from last night. I've been feeding myself a bit more grub and I feel better for having done so. Food is good, especially good protein.

As we walked the beach this morning, there was a commercial fishing boat that had foundered onto the beach. It was cordoned off and we couldn't get near it. The rangers waved us off as we approached. Otherwise, things at the beach were quiet--quiet and refreshing.

Tomorrow, I have a chiropractor session in the morning and the Qigong class series begins tomorrow evening. Looking forward to the class.

Need to sort out some things this week regarding frequent flyer miles, money, finding work, changing my living space, and other issues. The time has come the walrus sez--again. I feel my well being improving--slowly but inexorably so. I can feel the possibility of a breakthrough impending. So be it, let it be so.

Spoke with RB tonight. His court case got settled and it sounds like it came out as well as it could have given the parties and attorneys involved. He sounded quite peaceful as he told me the details. He'll be in town at the end of the week for a sushi feast. Good for him! It's been a hard couple of years for him wrestling with the legal demons--and he's prevailed. We'll raise some raw fish to that outcome.

Well, back to Murakami's world--and my immersion into its swirling depths.

6161

Last night's dream was somewhat creepy. There were four of us involved in the dream. There was me, two women, and a man. One of the women was my current mate. One was an ex-something-or-other (wife, girlfriend, dance partner, or ??). The man was a stranger. He was a nebbish-looking person, sort of egg-shaped overall. He kept trying to interact with my current mate, but he was completely weird and oddly aggressive.

My gut reaction was to tell him to get lost, but I was trying to be diplomatic and let him go on with his act for a while. At some point, the tensions were too much to handle and we all started giving him signals that we didn't want to talk or interact with him. He immediately went into victim mode and poor-me reactions.

I woke with the dream hanging in the air, like old smoke.

Part of the dream had something to do with a marina and boats. Some of the dream sequences may have been aboard one of the boats.

Also there was a long dream episode of me trying to recall a man's name that I bump into occasionally. I kept playing a scene of meeting him, over and over. Still not sure that I recall his actual name.
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Dance last night was OK. Had trouble remembering fully the new dances. I felt heavy and not quite present for most of the night. L was somewhat blitzed from the long day. I hadn't taken a nap, which might have helped.

All day long yesterday, I thought people were driving their vehicles erratically--more so than usual. Wasn't a full moon, yet people were weaving in and out of traffic, doing lane cutoffs, and so on.

Perhaps everyone was reverberating from the London terrorist bombings. Even though everything seemed to go back to business as usual, people may have been affected on a more inner level. I know I was experiencing frustration at such events and sadness for the people that were hurt and killed. Innocent people caught in the quagmire that has been so purposefully fostered.

I noticed at the dance that there was no mention of the attacks, even though there was a guest from England present. Not even a moment of silence. No global thinking being done, only local focus. The world is in peril, not just the homelands. Waking up is hard to do.

We were exposed to a new dance, Crab Pot, last night. Not that exciting once it was all laid out. Might become better known as the Crap Pot dance.

Will be heading up to the 2nd Saturday dance tonight. Maybe it will give me a chance to work out some of the new dances--repetition is the handmaiden of proficiency--perhaps. Sometimes repetition yields mind mush.

Started the Murakami book. Hooked already. Multiple storylines have been presented. Now, I just follow the breadcrumbs and see where they lead. I'm still amazed at how much detail he manages to communicate with so sparse a structure, such simple narration. He is a master.

Finished the O. Henry prize stories for 2003. Not as overall well done as the 2005 collection, but some memorable pieces all the same.

Today, I don't feel quite as bored as I felt yesterday--if not bored, then at least jaded by doing the same things, riding in the same ruts. Today, so far, has been slightly more interesting, even though part of the time was spent doing laundry. Go figure! Can't beat those tumble cycles.

6162

Dreams had something to do with regular, everyday stuff. I don't recall any details. I just seem to remember doing a lot of chore-like things in and around a house. Got to sleep late (sometime in the early morning time) and woke up early (around 6:30AM). I remember dreams coming in waves, one after the other, but with nothing prominent or memorable.

Went to yoga this morning. Noticed lots of overlap between yoga and Qigong. Many similar principles, but each packaged slightly differently.

Picked up a birthday card for S and a gift card from Toys 'R Us. Let her find something she likes and buy it herself.

I read for quite some time last night/early morning. I was not sleepy. Felt energized and awake. Finally had to put the books down, turn off the lights, and breath myself to sleep. Qi was flowing after practice, dance, and stoking up on food. I'm still a bit hungry today, but not like yesterday. Yesterday, I couldn't seem to eat enough.

New dance last night--Home. Nightclub 2-step rhythm so it's not too difficult. Will see if I can dance it tonight.

Keeping this journal is getting stale. I'm feeling (once again) like I want to start writing something more imaginative. My poetry blog lets off some of that steam, as does the Qigong blog. But, I'm feeling like I want to try something more creative and challenging. My journal has over 100 posts since I started keeping it online; poetry blog about 90 posts. So quantity is not the issue. Content and quality are becoming of greater importance, greater interest.

I'll still maintain the journal and poetry blogs, and post experiences/insights on the Qigong blog, but it's time for me to expand. Perhaps a fiction or thematic blog. Time is not an issue. Passion and compelling need are more the sticking points.

Breath and clarity are merged and manifesting. I need do nothing special except to jump on board and ride the wave. Other than also do my laundry. Ho, hum! The wash is done!

6163

Last night's dream dealt with having to proofread and copy edit a gigantic manuscript. The document was thousands of pages long with lots of graphics and images that were linked to the text. I don't know the subject of the book, just that I'd been asked to proof it and put in shape. The work was divided into two parts and one entire section was given to a woman who was working with me. We had to layout some ground rules so that we each didn't go off on a tangent that would make the integration of our work more difficult.

I recall looking through my section and starting to make preliminary marks. There were a lot of small typos and mistakes, or so it seemed after only a cursory pass through several pages. In the dream, I wasn't daunted by the task. I thought it would take a lot of time, but that it was doable.

I awoke thinking I needed to jump up and get to work on the editing task. Of course, there is no such manuscript and I jumped up anyway and did my Qigong practice.
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Was saddened to hear about the terrorist attacks in England. There will be no end to these acts of madness. They are becoming part of the landscape, with all of the attendant "systems" being put in place to ostensibly monitor such acts--but that will restrict significantly people's freedoms. I swear Bush looked like he was smiling, happy that the event happened and thereby justifies his actions and decisions.

Meanwhile, I continue to try and put myself back together. Visited the chiropractor this morning and went to Qigong class this afternoon. Will head for dance class in just a bit. I've been ravenous today. Feeling like I want to feed my body, fuel it up.

Trip to chiropractor and breakfast left me wanting to sleep. Qigong class cleared away the fog and left me energized and hungry. Been thinking about what it would be like to have a place with a kitchen once again. But, before I head down that rabbit hole, I need to make more global plans, bigger plans. What those are I'm not certain. But, I feel sure that I need to make that effort. Get things aligned and plotted--make a roadmap instead of riding along on autopilot.

Still haven't begun the Murakami book. Been clearing the other books that I'm reading first. Obsessive delayed gratification, to say the least.

Peace to everyone that died or was injured today in England, and elsewhere on this globe.

6164

Dreamed last night of working in a toy studio. I was helping develop a toy that required a lot of attention to details and nuances. The studio was an open space with a huge design table in the center of the space. On the table, were huge portfolios that contained the schematics and drawings associated with the toy.

I believe that I was present as a consultant--to help flesh out the concept and work with the design team on the development of prototypes. I know that I had an imposed deadline that involved me having to catch a plane at some point. So all of the work was conditioned around my departure schedules. The airport was not nearby and required more than an hour to reach it starting at the studio.

Despite the schedule restrictions, the working environment was comfortable and relaxed. We mocked-up ideas and concepts, and then proceeded to see how they played out during walkthroughs and focus testing.

The entire sense of the dream was fun-filled and engaging. Nothing negative or stressful involved.
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Have been moving in slow motion today. Can't seem to kick things into a higher gear. Went through my mail and bills--seemed to take forever. Now, the day is almost gone and I've not done a whole lot. I also took a nap after I went out for a late breakfast/lunch.

I managed to get the latest Murakami book from the library--Kafka on the Shore. I've been clearing little things out of the way so I can curl up with the book--now that I've finally scored a copy. It had been wait-listed for months with people waiting for it. I noticed last night that a copy had been returned and shelved--pop, and I've got it.

Other than feeling like things are moving slowly, I feel good. Experienced a good Qigong practice this morning. Looking forward to a class on it tomorrow and the start of a class series next week.

See where an astrologer is suing NASA for blasting the comet with a probe. She maintains that striking the body has thrown off her astrological chartings, and she wants compensation--good luck with that one.

Won $11 on my MegaMillion lottery ticket--mega number plus two drawn numbers. Not quite the jackpot, but better than nothing. Gives me two extra plays.

Dance class last night was a good workout. We learned a new dance and then reviewed four others, and danced a few more. It was muggy and warm so dancing was like standing in a sauna.

The new dance is fairly complex--lots of syncopations and a few tags and a restart. But, it's danceable--challenging, but worth the effort. I need to start looking at the step sheets to remind myself of the steps and the flow of the dances. Trying to keep it all in my head alone is creating dance mush.

Sent a TY note to P&S for the party on Monday. They did a good job of hosting the event and serving up great BBQ. Sent them a funny ladybug TY note.

Chiropractor, Qigong class and dancing tomorrow. Plus digging into the Murakami book and other reading. I hear the winds blowing through the trees. The universe is breathing.

6165

I dreamed last night that I was at a "work resort"--a place where people came to work, but that was set up like a resort. The whole place was like an ongoing carnival. The atmosphere was festive and the place had lots of rides, eating pavilions, gardens and fun things to do. There were rides like this one that had seats in long plastic tubes. The tube would start moving along a channel. At some point, a powerful blast of water would strike one end of the tube and send it zooming along a track. Additional water blasts would hit it again and again as it moved along, sending the tube moving faster and faster.

At one point, I was sitting on a low wall that was near the beach. There were several of us jammed together on the wall with people sitting above and behind us on a rising set of seats. We were waiting for some event to take place. Next to me was Steve Jobs. He was reading a new type of magazine. The pages were interactive and connected wirelessly to the Internet.

The page he was looking at was of a facility in Hong Kong. The people in the pictures on the page were being videocast live from Hong Kong. The pages danced and blinked as new information was accessed for the various stories and active areas.

I remember wondering how the people ever managed to get anything done in such an environment. The people themselves didn't really seem to care. They were just partying away.

I awoke feeling a lot of energy from the dream. It was a happy, joyous, energizing dream.
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I forgot that the chiropractor opened up later on Tuesday. I got there before anyone was around. I went and had breakfast and then returned to the office once they opened. Watched an interesting dance at the breakfast place. The two waitresses seemed to be bickering. One kept telling the other one to do things, which she purposely ignored and did not do. Then later, when the first waitress was on a phone, the other one kept coming by and saying things to her. It wasn't like there were dozens of tables and orders to handle. The place was only moderately full. I wondered what their tension was about. Also wondered why two people in such a situation wouldn't work together more instead of competing. The guy who ran the place seemed oblivious to what was going on. He was busy talking to regular customers at the counter. Breakfast was OK (eggs, sausage, pancakes and juice). The drama didn't seem to affect the cooks.

After my chiropractic treatment, I went to see GH and brought her up to date on my state of being. She pointed me to several books that deal with death, time, energy management and quantum theories. I'll check the library for those books as well as refresh my stockpile of fiction works. She stopped the world with a question about who was living my life. I felt myself shift and load, so it seemed, as I pondered that question.

It was almost one of those butterfly/man scenes--where the poet wonders if he is a man dreaming he's a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming he's a man. Same state of wonderment as I pondered the question.

Windy today. Windy and warm. A few errands to be done, get some lunch, pop out to the library, and then dance class tonight. Who are what is living my life? Will keep that query up on the radar screen as the day(s) unfolds.

6166

July 4th weekend coming to a close. Been a busy one. Went to party last night at J's--quite a crowd for his daughter's birthday. There was a cadre of people making music. I managed to hit the drums a few licks. Felt good to play some once again.

There was a mix of food, but I managed to eat selectively and not overdue things. Moderation made it work for me.

Still felt strange trying to talk to people. Sense of drifting in and out of conversations--like listening to a radio station that's fading and growing clear in an oscillatory fashion. I've starting to not try and correct what I'm doing--just letting it be and see where it takes me. It's a lot like I'm listening to a different channel in the middle of talking and interacting. Strange!

Today was really packed. Got up a bit later than normal, did Qigong, and then showered etc and picked up dessert for the party tonight. Went to L's to pick her up to go to Chili Cook Off and dancing. We stayed about three hours and danced a fair amount. My therapist was at the event. Said hello and noted that I'd see her tomorrow.

We then went to party at PH's. Great food and an interesting collection of people--inventors, patent attorneys, cafe people, wine experts and others.

Was sort of in and out of it all day. Dancing helped ground me. But, I did keep feeling as if I was still fading in and out of contact with everything all day, from the time I awoke. Starting to feel like that's just how I am. I still miss not being 100%, but you can only do what you can manage to do. J remarked last night that I seemed to be moving slowly--a comment that I've heard several times now. Moving slowly; looking frozen; unable to vocalize; and such.

Well, tomorrow it's back to the chiropractor, some Qigong, see the therapist, dance class, and sundry other ritual steps. And see where it goes.

6167

Intense dream last night. I was in a house where I used to live. I was having to leave the place. I had come back to gather my belongings and all of my stuff (books, notes, files, clothes) had been pulled out and stacked in a giant pile in the middle of the floor. Everything was totally disorganized and jumbled. I came thinking I would pack things in an orderly way, but now had to resort to almost shoveling stuff into boxes and bags.

I was really upset. There was a maid there, who had been told to pull everything out and stack it as I had found it. My daughter was there. She was quite young and didn't fully know what was happening. As I proceeded to go through the pile and box items, my ex-wife came in. She had spent the night somewhere and was acting really blasé about the whole situation, which only irritated me more. I was angrily slamming things into boxes and bags, and running a steady grumble about the whole thing.

The dream went on for a while with me finding different things that created even more upset. I finally awoke from the dream feeling hurt and angry, and worn out from the emotional tussle regarding finding my things in such disarray. Also, there was a lot of sadness around the whole scene.
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Saw the movie Crash yesterday. Intense movie. Lots of uncomfortable scenes and interactions, but beautifully woven together to make the story(ies) jell. Many unexpected twists and turns as the movie unfolds. Worth seeing even if it is a bit hard to stomach in a several places. Not a great advertisement for living in Los Angeles. Hardly the city of angels if you go by the movie, although angels are mentioned as well.

L got her first payday on her new job, so we celebrated with a movie, sushi and dessert. Feast instead of famine. Sushi place was a real zoo, especially with a table full of birthday celebrants downing shots of sake depthcharges. Of course, this noisy jubilation was accompanied by shouts and chants and the smoke machine.

Sushi was excellent though. Now, we know why we normally go there earlier in the day.

Getting a late start again today. Just wanted to sleep in this morning before jumping up and doing my Qigong exercises. Party tonight at J's--it's O's birthday. Have to get up and out to pick up some beer and finger food for the event. Windy but warm outside today. Should cool off later in the day like it did last night.

Weekend of wonder. Flags and fireworks. Dancing in the park. The 4th is upon us.

6168

Dreamed last night about being in a small, rural town. I had moved there and was getting to know some of the people in the town. I was staying in a small cottage that was surrounded by woods. I was at a gathering where I was being introduced to people. The scene was warm and comfortable. Everyone that I met seemed pleasant, open and interested in learning about who I was, where I had come from, and what I planned to do.

In another part of the dream, I had gone for a walk along a road that led into the town. As I walked along, I was trying to find a particular place, but was not doing so. There was a small shop and I went in to ask if I could look in their telephone book for the place I was trying to find. The man that met me at the door invited me in and began to tell me about a job he had that I might be able to do. It was like a technical support job dealing with helping people use their computers. It was certainly something I could do and I told him I was definitely interested. We sat down to discuss details.

I believe there were other dream fragments, but nothing solid from them available now. Awoke a little sore from dancing last night. The few weeks off of regular classes and dancing makes a difference. Several dances that I recently learned were danced last night. I had trouble remembering them exactly. Wobbled through and they started to come back. Practice--the only way to burn them into the synapses for sure.

Getting a late start today. Read last night after returning from dancing until early in the morning. Finally hit one of the O. Henry stories that I couldn't finish. I couldn't get my brain around the story and its point(s), if any. Just seemed like a writing exercise instead of an engaging story. First one of many that failed to deliver--impressive record for nearly 40 stories.

Didn't win the MegaMillion, yet. Get another shot on Tuesday.

Not going to QS dance tonight. It's up in SM in the place with the sticky floor. We'll probably go to a movie instead and maybe grab some dinner.
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People out in hordes today. They're shopping for the weekend assault on diets and stomach linings. Tons of food flowing through the supermarket doors. Homeless people gathered in clumps near the entrances hoping for a spillover of largesse in their direction.

Fortunately, I could get in and out with minimal standing in lines. My so few purchases won't even appear in the daily summary of total transactions. Read that a Japanese man was able to faultlessly recite over 80,000 digits of pi. Guess my 50 digit recollection is not anywhere near that scale of UBI (Useless But Interesting) data. He replaces a man in the Guinness Book of Records who had recited, from memory, about 40,000 digits.

Grabbed a sandwich from the Cheese Shop--classic grub. Lady who took my order has been there nearly longer than I am old. She's been there a while, but still packs a mean sandwich.

Feeling a bit logy today. It's heating up outside. Looking forward to evening cool down and the stillness of the night. In the meanwhile, rest and restore. Let the sandwich fuel my system.

6169

July 4th weekend begins. Dances, parties, BBQ, and more on the agenda. Spent today doing errands (laundry, washed truck, shopping, etc.) so I don't have to deal with those things over the next few days. Clearing the path--externally and internally as well.

Dreams last night were more like animated to-do lists. Spent some dream cycles doing today's tasks in virtual space. Boring, but it must have motivated me--I got them done today. So no big dreams to report.

Started back to Friday morning yoga at senior center. Good class, but had a bit of trouble settling in after being off a couple of weeks and starting Qigong. Kept looking for Qi in the yoga postures and somewhat disrupting the flow of the pose. It's all one--It'll sort itself out.

Got a definite message that I need to do yoga more than once a week. I need it for joint and muscle stimulation and for helping unkink my body from dancing. It will be a good balance with Qigong work.

A six-month Qigong training begins in August. Will have to see if it's something I want to do and can manage. It will require travel down to the SJ center. We shall see.

Also had one of my usual responses to yoga class--wanting to sleep. I ended up taking a nap for over an hour once I finished up the errands. May be not eating enough--I had a tray of vege sushi for lunch/brunch. Just grabbed a protein drink and half a brownie to stoke up for dancing tonight. Seems like I need a bit more food than I've been eating. Don't need to drop any more weight. In fact, should bulk back up a bit, if anything.

Well, have my MegaMillion lottery ticket for tonight. Bought it Wednesday evening at the Chinese store in MV--the place that's had a Super Lotto winner. I told the clerk that I wanted to be her first MM winner. She agreed that it would be nice since they get a cut of the action.

So be it! Let it so be. I could make good use of such a bonanza. They'll pick the numbers tonight while I'm dancing. Waking tomorrow to that state would charge up my morning exercises.

But, enough of this ramble/scramble. Nearly time to dance.