5623

End of the Jahr! 2006 fades away and makes room for 2007! Six more years until 2012!

Not too tremulous today despite the chilly weather. Went for a brisk walk this morning--had to keep moving to ward off the coolness. Supposed to warm some over the next few days.

Been investigating some "movement-based" ideas--like volunteering to one of the food bank operations. Light lifting, sorting and movement would do me good, I believe. Checking craigslist for opportunities as well. Like there's a place for rent over in Montara that's a trailer on a horse ranch. Some rent reduction available in exchange for work. May be too heavy duty for me, but it's the right idea. I'm keeping an eye out for some variations on these themes. I feel better when I'm in motion--loading and unloading things that are not too heavy.

L's heading for the CW dance tonight. Was a year ago that I went to that dance! Hard to grok! A whole year has gone by, in the wink of a twinkling eye. Seems like it was yesterday. How the days fly by when I'm locked into dealing with my symptoms. May 2007 go more slowly, more consciously, and more vibrantly--for all and everyone.

Time to do my last crossword puzzle for 2006. A great 2007 to all! May it be the best one ever!

5624

New year nears! If today was any indication, I'm going to sleep into the changeover. I just felt like sleeping today despite the beautiful sunshine. Still managed to get out some as well, but also rested/slept.

Have begun to alternate my physical exercises each day. Weights on one day and Tibetan exercises on the next. Qigong and Life Force every day. Walk every day as well. So today was Qigong, LF, walk, and Tibetan. Tomorrow the same except weights instead of Tibetan. Plus meditations, prayers and visualizations. Plus crossword puzzle (did one today with speed and accuracy) and other stuff (reading, blogging, looking ahead to what's next). The days are flying by!

May do a session with the heat lamps tonight--hands are kind of stiff and aching from the cooler weather. Heat on my hands seems to also reduce my tremors some--get a double benefit. Looks like it's not going to be as cold tonight as last night. That'll help as well.

Reading three books of short stories. Skipping back and forth between them. One is by a Spanish writer, another by an Asian writer, and the third by a SciFi writer. Interesting mix! It's turning out (again) that the more interesting stuff is not by the SciFi writer, but the more literary pieces. This has been true for over a year now. There are some really good short fiction writers out there--just have to dig them out.

I've been having some lively dreams, but I keep losing them as I awaken each day. Awakening in a cold room is not conducive to keeping track of my dreams. My first thoughts are usually related to ambient temperatures. But, they'll return! Just have to hit the replay button!

Last Saturday night of 2006! And the tock keeps clicking!

5625

Cold in the hold! Last night was chilly to say the least. Cooling down again tonight. I'm wrapping up, especially my right arm--home of tremor central.

Picked up some new stories at the library. Still reading a lot. Feels good to just read--not have to do anything with the content--just pour it in and let it seep through.

Was in and out today. On the move, which felt good. Made it to the library, post office, storage locker and grocery store. Also ate out twice today--been wolfing food all day long. Cold weather seems to trigger food cravings.

New Year looms! A few more days and 2006 will be history--2007 will be delivered. Five more years until 2012, the end of the Mayan calender. Apocalypto? Perhaps! Or maybe a wrinkle in time!

Did a crossword puzzle today. Did it faster and with a higher score than yesterday (my first one). Definitely keeps me focused while I'm filling in the blanks. Lifted weights today. Have decided to do Qigong and Life Force every day; weights and Tibetan alternating every other day. Walk every day, if it works out to do so. Feeling like I'm hitting the New Year with somewhat of a plan. May it be so!

5626

Beautiful day! Clear and sunny (but still cool) for most of the day. I did laundry this morning. Got a bonus--one washer just started working when I closed the door without having any money in the device. A free wash!

My spirit brother in OR sent me a note with links to crossword puzzle sites--his response to my mentions of FuzzWorld as my state of mind. I went to one of the sites and did an interactive puzzle. It was absorbing. Things with words and letters hold my attention (reading, blogging, word games, etc.).

Also got a surprise holiday gift from my son in SoCal--a pair of wool scarves. I'd lost my favorite scarf a few weeks ago. These are great replacements--nice lengths, nice color schemes, and warm wools. Oh, yeah!

Feeling a little creaky today. Think it may be related to the "light" workout I did yesterday with my new weights. Have to ease into that arena and not pull a muscle or such. It's good to know that there was some reaction though--holds out promise of being able to impact my strength issues.

Got a call from RB of the men's team. His ex-bro-in-law has been diagnosed with PD. He's 45! I told RB that I'm available to talk with him if needed. New Year dawns! New Year yawns! Welcome to the coming year, coming soon. Let there be light!

5627

Windy morning this Wednesday morning! Winds howling and whipping the trees around. No power outages though and only a modest amount of rain. Originally, forecasts included flash flood warnings, but rains never fell in those amounts.

Was a challenge to take my walk this morning, but did so. Wasn't too cold then. But, getting cooler tonight. Winds shifting around from the South to the North.

Picked up some hand weights--two 5-lb and two 3-lb dumbbells for starters. Found some example workout videos on the web so I have a place to start. Will insert some workouts with the weights into my daily schedule of exercises (Qigong, Life Force, and Tibetan Five). May need to put some items on alternate days so I don't injure myself in some way. But, weights feel right--as do the other things I do, including taking rests/naps and so forth.

The PD book, What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About PD, is full of good information. I've started reading it thoroughly, keeping an eye out for helpful ideas and suggestions. It's written by medical people, but ones who have the patient in mind. Good stuff!

I've read two short story collections--one by a Southern writer who has a really unique, quirky style and one by a Hungarian ex-patriot with stories that range across the landscapes of Europe as seen from living in Canada. Both were excellent!

And, I'm more than half way through the Murakami collection. He is a master! He is also quite strange sometimes, but entertaining even so.

Tremors were somewhat lighter today (I kept myself quiet today). Cognitive fuzz still present for most of the day. Had occasional, brief periods of momentary clarity, but bulk of the time was murky. I spent parts of the day pretending that I was going about my life in a fuzz--nothing else--just feeling/being fuzzy and going ahead anyway. What else is there to do? If not that, then what? Didn't make things any clearer, but it gave me something to watch and observe.

Maybe could/should invent a host of mind games to play while I'm waiting to recover? Like things to do until a breakthrough happens! Hmmm! Time to go horizontal! It's been a long day!

5628

T'is the day after and all is bright! Except for the tropical rains that are falling and the balmy breezes that are blowing.

I got up early today and met with L at the car shop. She dropped off her "new" car to get the rear shocks replaced. Her "new" car is an old car that a friend of hers was going to donate. L took it instead. It only needed rear shocks and it's good to go.

Anyway, was up early and disrupted my rituals to some degree. Haven't really done Qigong exercises yet. May do so before bed. Came back from taking her home and did my walk (prior to the rain) and did some shopping. Then, went back to sleep for an hour. Then went out for a sandwich and have doodled about the whole afternoon. Read some, did life force exercises, did Tibetan exercises, snacked some, rested, and sputtered about.

Thought about going shopping for some hand weights, but decided the day after Xmas was probably not the time to hit the stores.

I'm floundering around. My symptoms, especially my tremor and my thought processes, seem to be getting worse. I'm shaking more and feeling anxious more, which amplifies the shaking and makes me feel like I'm swimming in mud cognitively. I'm mostly fine if I sit quietly and not do much of anything, but get weird and unfocused if I try and do anything mildly complex or lightly stressful. My adrenals don't seem to have any capacity for even the least amount of stress. Rest and sleep, I can do. And manage to fix a small range of foods and eat them. But not much else.

I'm growing increasingly frustrated by my lack of energies, focus, and dumb routines. What seemed to be tiny spurts of energy a month or so ago now seem like diffusions and waves of anxiety. The only things that feel "right" in any way are the movements that I do (Qigong, Life Force, Tibetan Five, walking). I'm going to pick up some hand weights and start doing some minor lifting each day. It's like I'm becoming a motion machine in order to survive. Have to add movement to my list of daily regimens (eat, sleep, eliminate, and move). And it is so!

5629

Xmas day! (and night) Rains on the way. Deluge, maybe. Been a shaky day. Not sure why. Went to L's for lunch. Was there for about 4+ hours, but was shaking a lot of the time. Maybe was a bit chilly--seem to be OK now that I'm back and have the heat cranked up. Was not a good feeling. Felt fuzzy and like I was at the bottom of a well.

She got some gadgets--an induction heating surface, an espresso machine, cookware, and more. She shopped online for many of the items--as did millions of others. The e-way rules!

Will be getting up early in the morrow to help L shuttle cars around in the rain. So doing an early horizontal tonight. Egad! It's only 6pm, but really dark out already. Where's the longer days? Coming soon, to a planet near you.

L's lunch was a feast of traditional Finnish dishes that included a carrot casserole, a rutabaga casserole, roasted finger potatoes, roasted pork loin, rossolli (a dish made with beets, apples, pears, carrots, onions, pickles and chopped egg) and a pastry rice-filled item with egg butter. Was delicious. I stopped shaking long enough to eat. Desserts were a date cake, walnut-filled pumpkin cookies, ginger snaps, all topped off with glogg. Was wonderful! She is a great cook!

We watched the last 3/4ths of an Xmas movie, starring our governor, about finding a hard-to-get robot toy. It was cute and had a few laugh spots. First movie I've seen in quite some time. Was a treat, except for the shaking. Sitting for that length of time was difficult. When I'm stuck here in the apartment, I guess I move about quite a bit and that short-circuits the tremor to some degree. Always something new! And it is so!

5630

T'is the night before and all is quiet--except for number of apartment dwellers who are coming and going before the big event.

I've been reading about the Five Tibetan Exercises that are supposed to be a key to rejuvenation and good health. They're a combination of five yoga poses that are not terribly difficult to do, only take a few minutes, and supposedly have great results. I'm adding them to my daily repertoire. I now do Qigong (morning), Life Force (afternoon), and soon the Tibetan Five. I'm coming to the conclusion that movement/breath exercises are good for me. Will be ordering a book on PD and movement exercises as well. Whatever works!

So early out tonight! Merry to all and to all a deep breath! May our wishes come true!

5631

Twas the night before the night before Xmas! We've probably already been through the solstice and the longest night of the year. From now until June, the nights grow shorter, the days longer. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Was still cool today, but things are warming a bit. Made for a chilly walk in some sunlight. I spent the day hunkered inside and I chose not to brave the crowded stores.

Continue to ponder what I will be doing in the coming year--what I can do and need to do to fully recover. There are 1,000,000 people dealing with this illness (in the USA alone) and each person's challenges and related issues are nearly unique, very individualized. Makes it difficult to come up with a robust plan based on what I read. Have to experiment and see what works or not. Qigong in the morning seems to work. Life force exercises in the afternoon also seem to work. Midday rests/naps seem to be required. Anxiety creeps up each day in the early afternoon. Food seems to help moderate symptoms (right kind of food).

The clear news is that I'll have to adjust my lifestyle in order to deal with the symptoms and issues that arise (and that continue to manifest). Starting to evaluate what adjustments I need to make (try out, experiment with). Doing so is going to require some measure of attention and scrutiny, as well as some effort. Also, it will require being more structured and organized.

I've had the luxury, over the past year (plus), of being able to go with the flow. Now, the flow is going to become more challenging, and I'm going to have to respond. But all this mumble is very conceptual--I need to make it more concrete. For example, today I cleaned the kitchen floors. That's something that needs doing on a regular basis as opposed to it being the first time I've done it since I moved in here. (They really needed a clean up!)

I guess it's a matter of getting back into reality-mode versus illusion-mode. Illusion-mode has been my primary way of operating. Unfortunately, I can no longer rely on illusions to help me recover--it's going to be much more concrete.

Ordering some more books from Amazon and waiting for others to arrive. Lots to learn and even more to do. May I find a way!

5632

Hope heals! Finished the book last night (it's not that many pages). As I mentioned in yesterday's post, the first half of the book was a story about the author--his many feats and ventures that gave him the impetus to overcome the illness. The last half dealt with his protocol, but in a cursory fashion, with a lot of promotion for the sprays he created and sells. I would like to see a bit more detail regarding his protocol, and some explanation of information on his web site, which is also somewhat cursory and filled with conflicting information.

Some of what he does makes sense--the exercise program, the spiritual activities and attitudes, and his positive outlook. He does take the drug, Sinemet, and it's not clear if the sprays really do anything since he's taking the medication--could be just the medication. He indicates that the sprays work with the medication, supporting what it does or does not do. Be fairly easy to do some clinical studies and document the results one way or the other. He has a nutraceutical company--they could do the studies--but there's little mention of that happening. The parent company has no web site.

Another book I got, What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About PD, is a comprehensive look at a holistic approach to dealing with the illness. It has a good section on alternative resources and another on diet and nutrition. It mentions the PDRecovery Project in the alternative section, which made me feel good--I'm doing that! (FSR, Yin Tuina, and so forth!)

I'm waiting on the book from the guy in Australia. I'm curious to see what he says about his protocol and regimens. Each person who's recovered has done it in his/her own way. I'm gathering ideas at this stage and may or may not try everything they've done (for example the sprays), but will pick and choose (for example, exercise) ones to experiment around.

In all that I've read so far, recovery (from any illness) takes time and is an ongoing activity--a change of lifestyle that has to be maintained. I'm finally starting to understand this outlook and am beginning to wrestle with what it means for me as I go forward. And it is so!

5633

Hope Heals! That's the title of the book I received today. About a man who recovered from PD using exercise, his own concoction of supplements taken in sprays, dancing, and his faith. I've read the first half of the book, which chronicles his many feats when he was healthy (multiple wives--he's Mormon, businesses, sports, inventions, and much more).

Then he was diagnosed with PD and spent several years figuring out a protocol that helped him reverse his symptoms. Will relate what the last half of the book says in the morrow. He references all of the people he read or investigated as he pursued his recovery. They are, not surprising, Dyer, Chopra, Myss, and many others who advocate a whole person approach to healing and recovery.

Hope Heals! Had a fairly good day today. Light rains, but warmer clime.

5634

Strange day! Have felt out of kilter most of the time, and chilly. It was a bit warmer today, but still plenty cool. Had difficulty, seemingly, with everything today. Did manage to get in a walk while the sun was partially out. But have felt a combination of anxious, cold, fuzzy, tired, and several other states. Did go shopping and picked up a gift for L. But, just felt out of it for most of the time. Was hungry, but food didn't seem to help. Am settling down some now, finally. Had a bowl of rice and spicy tuna curry--that seemed to calm me a bit.

Ended up taking two short rests/naps today--very unusual thing for me to do.

Read some of the Murakami stories. He is a master! And his translators do a fabulous job of rendering his tone and mood.

Part of my anxiety has to do with my feeling that I need to put together a plan, a structure, for the coming months--that I stop drifting and start paddling. Just the thought of doing this sends me spinning, but I must do it. The time has come...!

Got a raise in my SS benefits starting in 2007. It's an increase of 3.3% with about 20% being deducted for Medicare. Every little bit counts! Will buy a couple of tanks of gasoline. Or pay for the heating bill, given the cool weather.

Feels like an early to bed night! Rains forecast for the morrow--but a bit warmer! Yeah!

5635

Been thinking a lot about what's next for me. What is it that I need to do to move my recovery along? Energetically, I'm beginning to feel stronger. From the perspective of how much time I've been holed up, it's time for me to figure out how to get out and about more--for body work, yoga, exercise/workouts, and socialization. Been too long in the cave! Time to move onward.

I'm still showing symptoms and dealing with movement issues, cognitive issues, and much more. But, I'm feeling that I need to just learn how to have the symptoms and still work on fully recovering. I was told that the tremor is the last to go yet it's always present, or so it seems. However, another year of this isolation will not be a good thing--quite the opposite.

Got one of the PD books I ordered from Amazon. Has a lot of information about conventional and alternative processes--even mentions the people I'm working with in SC. Also picked up the Murakami collection of short stories. He is a master!

Looked back at the video clip of the guy in Australia who recovered from PD. He never gave up and never settled for partial coping--he went for full recovery. The video shows him walking, writing, using his hands/fingers, talking and so forth. All without a trace of the illness. So it can be done! The questions are in what way and in what time frame. He claims to have been in Stage IV (out of five levels) of the illness. I'm still in Stage I, although I gained ground in some ways and lost in others--but I've not gotten markedly worse in the last year.

So, as I say, assessment time! Assessment, evaluation, and laying out a plan. Time to start on my New Year's resolutions--on what I plan to accomplish in 2007. Dream time is over! Waking reality has come knocking on the doors. Let it in, let it in!

5636

Murakami arrives! Along with several books about PD that I ordered from Amazon! Finished the Goodall book--ending chapters brought everything together--was worth the read. Her transforming experiences were many and varied. She was affected in many different ways by a variety of circumstances--all of which shaped who she is today. She was touched by many people (and animals), and they all helped solidify her thoughts and beliefs, her way of dealing with the world. By the end of the book, I was feeling inspired--feeling like I'm wallowing around in a mud puddle of illness when I could be doing so much more.

Major coolness last night--and again tonight. Temps in the freezing zone! The cold is really activating my symptoms, but am figuring it out. But, does make me want to migrate to a warmer clime. In fact, makes me want to get out of Dodge in the worst kind of way. I get images of me wandering purposefully instead of wallowing around here much longer. Is a thought! One worth thinking on!

Dream last night about working for someone who had a software program that compiled data about people. I had helped create the product and was consulting with someone about how it worked and could be customized. Turned out, I was also an authority on how the public transit system worked. When we left work, a man and a woman left with me and I showed them how to take the public transit to get where we all wanted to go. It was a station near a quiet neighborhood. We left the train and walked down the street together. At one point, there was a man with a large, friendly dog. We petted the dog and continued on our way. It was getting dark. The air was warm and moist.

Finishing up my cup of ginger tea! Oh, the mystery!

5637

Cold! Cold! Cold! Suppose to drop below freezing tonight. Ho! Ho! Ho! Won't be kind to plants tonight unless they are covered well. Little heater keeps on cranking.

Goodall Hope book is getting more interesting--getting into chapters that describe some of her spiritual experiences--finally. Most took place out in nature, which makes me recall my early years in the woods and on the lakes--the serenity of those places when I was alone--just me and forests and the waters.

The cold is making me feel really jittery. Sun was out today, despite the coolness, and that was nice to be in as long as it lasted. Daylight seems to not last long as we approach the solstice--the shortest day and longest night. But once we hit that date, the daylight periods start to lengthen. Can't wait!

On my walk today, saw my previous landlady--her husband turned 85 yesterday! Now there's an example of well being! He's still running his business--doing it all! Go Hector!

Some of the books I ordered from Amazon are being delayed. Looks like they'll dribble in sometime over the next two weeks. Oh, well! Have plenty of reading materials in stock! They'll get here when they get here--for sure!

Not looking good for the climbers who have gone missing on Mt. Hood. Too bad! Was hoping they'd be found alive. One's been found dead and the other two are still not accounted for. They knew what they were doing, but it was their time. Lots of turmoil in the Oregon area what with the turbulent weather. May it clear soon!

5638

Wasn't cool today--it was cold! Had my small heater on all day--from when I awoke until now. Looks like it'll still be cranking for a while. Symptoms were more present every time I got chilled. Am wrapped up to help minimize the effects of stray currents. Keep thinking of the three climbers who are trapped on Mt. Hood--really cold and chilly--guess I don't have it too bad by comparison. Good wishes for them. Hope they are found soon, well and whole.

Churning through Goodall's book, Reason for Hope. About half way through and it's still a recap of what was written in her biography. Not that much about spiritual stuff except for her occasionally pointing to some event or circumstance that raised flags related to questions of spirit or source. In her bio, she said that she had taken what her co-author had written in a first draft and completely rewrote the whole thing in her own words. I can tell that she did so--the Hope book is entirely in the first person--the co-author couldn't have done that well.

She mentions one striking epiphany when she visited Notre Dame and was looking at the stained glass window when the organist played a piece by Bach. Otherwise, she was too busy to spend a lot of time in contemplation--although she admits she was alone a lot in nature, surrounded by growth and natural beauty.

I managed to get my walk in today despite the cold. Felt good to move even though it was chilly. But, it started my day with shaking that's been difficult to abate. So much of this illness is about remembered or retriggered patterns. Have to keep finding ways to disrupt the repeated cycles. Right now I'm as quiet as I've been all day--a product of being warm, eating a spicy, hot soup and toasted cheese sandwich, and time of day (I seem to quiet down around this time each day).

Awaiting eagerly the several books I ordered by people who have recovered from this condition. Want to hear what they did and what I can borrow from their experiences.

Got a great photograph of newest granddaughter--looking like a little Buddha doing mudras with her tiny hands.

5639

I picked up a copy of Goodall's book, Reason for Hope, at the library. So far, there's a lot of overlap between it and the biography I just read. Hopefully, it will eventually talk more about her spiritual journey, as the book's subtitle suggests. So far, the early chapters talk a bit about spiritual things, but mostly recapitulate what she was doing, which did help her formulate her spiritual beliefs and inclinations. We'll see!

Day seemed to go by quickly. Not sure why, but just feels that way. Awakened a bit later than usual, but not that much really. It's been cool today and is growing colder this evening. Rains forecast for the morrow and early Sunday. Trying to clean up the apartment. Making small headway on that task. Will, eventually, get it done. I didn't seem to be as foggy as usual as I did things today--felt more alert/clear, but still grew tired as the day unfolded. Am somewhat tired now and may hit the horizontal early. I need something like Goodall's energy and stamina.

Dreamed last night about sorting through collections of documents and putting them into organized piles. It had something to do with family and being with family members. I let the dream content slip away as I awoke.

Had dinner last night at DeeDee's. It's been months since I've eaten there. Food is so good. However, they've gone to all plastic eating utensils. Too bad! Styrofoam dishes and cups; plastic forks and spoons. Not like the thali trays! Gets then around having to hire a dishwasher, I suppose.

Picked up a couple of books of short stories. Looks like short fiction is being published more than it has been--lots of new collections on the library shelves. I seem to find brand new ones each time I pick up books. And, Murakami will soon be mine! 22 stories! Waiting for the notice that the book awaits my pickup. Soon! Soon!

5640

Finished the Goodall book. It was named one of the 100 notable books in 2006 on the NY Times booklist. I would expect it to hit the best seller's list once it starts circulating and gets reviewed.

Incredible story of an incredible person. And she's still going strong. The book covers up through 2003 and the huge number of awards and acknowledgements she's received.

Dale, the author, obviously had fun researching and writing the book. There is a veiled reference to a "bearded writer" in one passage that was accounting who was present in the scene. He no doubt was that writer. He seemed to have traveled to many of the places mentioned, talked with many of the people whom he quotes, and spent a great deal of time with Dr. Jane. Awesome!

She has 17 books/videos in the library. I want to read her book "Reason for Hope: A spiritual journey." Based on the mention of that book in Dale's book, I'm curious to read what she wrote on the subject. In many ways, her life was blessed with long periods of quiet despite the daily flux that she also endured.

And I'm poised to get a copy of the new Murakami collection of stories. Yum! I should get a notice from the library that a copy is being held for me. "Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman" is the title. They had it catalogued for a while as "Blind Window, Sleeping Woman," but they've corrected it recently.

Today was a bit more "shaky" than it's been lately. Not to bad, but just noticeable. Made it out for a walk early today, before the rains returned. Cooling down tonight and forecast to be cool in the morrow. Thank goodness for the heaters. Xmas countdown has begun!

5641

Senator from SD has had a stroke! Oh, no! If he dies, the governor, who is a Republican, can appoint a Republican sympathizer--and reset the balance in the Senate to 50-50. Which means that Cheney is back in the mix. Oh, no!

Pray for the senator's recovery! We don't need more flailing in DC.

Didn't make it out for a walk today. Was too dreary in the morning and it only cleared for a brief period in the afternoon. By then, I was ready for my life force exercises. Hopefully, tomorrow will bring some clearer skies--so I can walk my walk.

Coming down to the finish on the Goodall book. Last few chapters have not been as compelling as the earlier ones, but maybe it will end with a bang. Last few chapters dealt with her shift into the role of an activist on the behalf of the animals--in zoos and in research facilities. Material is now up to about the mid 90's. I should complete my read of it tomorrow. It's quite a story--her life and adventures!

5642

The rains rain upon the plains--and upon everything else as well. Managed to slip in my daily walk this afternoon when there was a lull in the liquids.

About 100 pages away from reading the entire Goodall book (it has 685 pages of narrative). Quite a book! Quite a person! She accomplished an incredible amount (research, writing, teaching, family, films, administrative chores, and much more) even though she was plagued by illnesses and setbacks. Inspiring!

Makes me question what I've done, am doing--besides watching the rains fall.

She was in this area quite a bit in the late 60's and 70's as a professor at Stanford. She lived in several places here in PA. I don't recall hearing anything about her back then. She touched a lot of people's lives at that time--especially the graduate students who went and worked at her research center.

Well, the rains keep falling and I keep reading--and then what? Let me know!

5643

Cool today! Temperatures staying down today. No sun! Grayness is upon us!

Symptoms a bit more active today linked, definitely, to the colder air and many drafts. Using the small heater to knock off the chill, but have been running it all day so far.

Eating warm today. Had oatmeal for breakfast, cheese and toast for snack, and some curry for lunch. Cooked up a pot of rice. Will have veges and rice for dinner. Lots of focus on food, it seems. My body seems to be craving foods--all kinds of stuff--as if it needs almost constant stoking. As Rebecca noted, I don't have to worry about the calories since I'm still trying to gain back some of my lost weight.

The city's tree trimming entourage was across the street this morning. They whacked the trees back, exposing the apartments there--they were hidden in the foliage. Now they're much more visible, but they will get more light. Tree trimmers are a noisy bunch. They had chain saws, trucks, chippers, and other devices that made for a heavy din. They also weren't all that quick about it. Cut some, rest some, rest some, cut some! Short flurries of activities and then big breaks.

Well, I think it's about rest/nap time. Time for my break! Ho, ho, ho!
********************************
Rested and slept some. Groggy, foggy day. Just want to curl up and rest/sleep. Didn't take a walk this morning--didn't want to leave the heated comfort to go walk in the cold dampness. Still don't feel much like moving around today. Just feel like eating as I mentioned earlier.

Still reading the Goodall biography. She's gotten married and has had a child, but doesn't appear to have slowed down at all. She's being recognized for her endeavours and is starting to glean the increased support needed to create a permanent site.

I'm having trouble thinking that it's a "wild" chimpanzee project since she has used "provisioning" to keep the chimps coming back to the observation areas and her camp. They are no longer, in my opinion, "wild," but acclimated to the "pale" chimps, food sources, and cameras. But, what do I know?

The time frame is now early 60's to early 70's, around the decade when I started finding my way through schools, jobs, marriages, and such. I keep reading what she's doing, and when, and thinking back on what I was doing at those times--nothing as full and complete as she was managing to accomplish.

Ah, well! What she did is still inspiring, even though it reminds me of how much I've done over those same sets of years. But, we know what the Buddha says about comparisons--that they are little deaths! Compared to what?

5644

Dreamed last night about meeting a group of young Latino men who were busily engaged in making their lives better. In the dream, I was given an annual report on their collection of businesses, which included automobile parts stores, cafes, apartment buildings, electronic equipment stores, and other ventures. They were highly decentralized with each business being run, hands-on, by one of the members of the group. The annual report was visually quite different--bold colors, striking photographs. I'm not sure what it was that I was doing in the dream. I was being introduced to the head guys and was going to do something for them, but I don't know what at this time.

The dream was really sharply visualized with the images and faces being really clear. The young men were focused and efficient in their business dealings. They didn't brag about what they had accomplished, but just stated factually what they were about.
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Rained into the early morning and then stopped and the sun appeared. Stayed cool throughout the day though. Was fairly cold during my morning walk. Made for a brisk walk--short route today.

Got my utility bill yesterday. Costs were up--from use of the infrared lamps, some gas, and the small electric heater. December's bill will be even higher, but I'm better off if I stay warm. Symptoms are greatly reduced by me staying wrapped up and warm.

Continue to mow through the Goodall book. Looking like I will finish it as long as I keep reading at my current pace. The rainy, cool weather helped--made it conducive to just sitting and reading. Symptoms seem to moderate a lot when I read--even the tremor.

Went out to grab breakfast burrito and tremor was more present at the cafe--I was sitting outside with some sun, but still cool shadows and temperatures. Will need to wrap up more as the winter days appear.

Back to the chimpanzees! Saw today that an estimate of over 5,000 gorillas have died recently from ebola. They have contracted the disease and are spreading it within their groups. That number of deaths represents a tremendous population loss for them--further endangering the species. Supposedly, there's a vaccine that can be applied, but the people need funds in order to deliver the medication.

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Rains have arrived! Steady rainfall most of the day--although I did take my walk this morning before the heavier waters came. I'm still in the state I've been in for several days--light symptoms with feelings of wanting to be doing more physically. Like I would love to go out for a bike ride (aside from the cold weather and rain). I continue to feel like I'm sputtering along, singing my song.

Have now read a chunk of the Goodall book--about midway. Times and dates (late 50's, early 60's) make me think of what I was doing then--especially when places are referenced that I was near (Florida, for example). People were leading purposeful lives and doing purposeful things while I was fishing.

Also the descriptions of what she was managing to get done, despite great obstacles, is awe-inspiring. She would be out in the field all day and then sit and write up field notes and correspondence late into the evening day after day, without breaks or periods of down time.

It must be a great feeling to know that your life has had a purpose, has been contributory, and has changed the world. She must feel blessed, and very grateful.

Didn't rest/nap today. Not sure why! Because I never stopped to do so, I suppose. Am a bit tired tonight. So, early to bed--to read a bit more and perhaps to dream. Won't be able to see the planets clustered in the morning (Jupiter, Mercury and Mars, I believe), all within 1 degree of each other. Would be nice to see, but clouds will most likely obscure the conjunction.

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Was sultry this morning and windy, but now the rain has started. Forecast is that there will be rain for several days, on and off. Managed to get in my walk (long route) this morning--slipped in between the raindrops. It's early afternoon and I feel like resting/napping. I've been in a "different" state over the past few days (almost a week)--symptoms quieter, but still not fully energized. The sputtering of a cold engine returns to mind.

Feeling like I'm emerging from being embedded in a block of concrete. Feel as if I'm coming unstuck somehow, but no clear direction or focus to this undercurrent. Keep getting spurts of motivation, but can't hang onto anything for very long.

Nap/rest time! More later!
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Rested, napped, and did life force exercises. Also ate, read and snacked. The Goodall book is getting more interesting. She's now in Africa and starting her study of the chimpanzee band in the preserve. She was there during the time of the uprisings that chased the Belgians out of the region. Not a great time for two white women to be going into the bush. She was there with her mother.

The book leaves no doubt that she was remarkable in many ways. She was persistent, flexible, had incredible stamina, adaptive, and really clever. She was in Africa about the time I was graduating from high school and going to college. She had a vision and was following through on what she saw for her life.

What was I envisioning back then? Nothing with clarity. I was in fogville and have remained so until now. Now, I'm starting to unfog, but it's not that easy, not that simple to make happen.

Feeling the low pressure system operating with the incoming rains. I'm feeling heavy and dense. Heading to an early bed tonight. Need to sleep while the rains fall. Perhaps dream that I'm unfogged! (Hmmm! In my dreams I'm not foggy! Hmmm!)

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Changes! Now using the new Blogger (Beta). Requires that I have a Google Account! Sneaky way for them to get new Google account users. Mostly works the same except have to log in on the Google account, which is an email account name and requires more keystrokes. But, it appears to work the same in terms of posting and so forth.

Have been really logy today. Kept wanting to just sit and read. Did so and made some headway with the Goodall book. She's now with Leakey and beginning her paleontological work. Good reading! Symptoms a bit more prevalent today--was a little bit cooler today and that didn't help.

Reading about Goodall's adventures makes me antsy and wanting to get up and go somewhere--anywhere as long as it's warm and sunny. Also ate several cold meals today and that also keeps the symptoms going.

I need one of those SciFi devices that creates dishes of food instantly and to specification, with no cleanup required.

Well, I think I'll see if the Publish button works and get back to some reading. The only activity that seems to settle everything somewhat. Moonbeams everywhere!

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Rest well, James Kim! You did what you felt was what was needed to do. You did your best and you did not survive. Rest well!

He didn't make it through the several freezing nights. The rescue team found his body around noon today. Supposedly, he had made it about 7 miles from the car, further than the rescue team had expected. He was thinking about his wife and kids--trying to save them.

Getting cold tonight. Looked earlier like there might be some fog settling in as well. My little heater is keeping the place warmed. The weather has not been as worrisome as I thought it was going to be. Maybe I'm acclimating. I'm rebuilding a fat layer around my waist. Fat helps. Keeps my core temperature in the warm zone.

Today was a fairly good day. Got a haircut. Picked up mail. Did my walk and so forth. Symptoms not too intense most of the day. As I ate lunch, I felt good (relaxed, normal). Nice way to feel. May the trend of how I feel continue to extrapolate, continue to hold steady on the symptom side of things.

Dream (last night?) about being in Memphis. I was riding around in a car pointing out the place where I was born (near Beale Street), where I went to school, played, and so forth. The cityscape had changed where things were and how they were connected, but I was finding places. There was a man riding with me. He wasn't that impressed with everything, but he rode along anyway, mumbling acknowledgements.

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I was out and about today. Had to go to the storage locker to hunt up some more warm clothes and find a replacement scarf. The locker looks messy, but it is organized. I found what I was looking for without having to take everything apart. I now have three scarves.

Went grocery shopping (twice), did two walks (one loop in the morning and one to the donut** shop in the afternoon) and made a trip to Printer's Inc. for dinner. Read some, rested/slept some and have felt pretty good today. Was hungry--ate my way through the day--a real mix of stuff.

Mother and kids that was lost in Oregon were found. Husband still has not been located. May he be well also. Weather has been clear, which has been helping the rescue efforts. But, it's really cold up there.

I'm starting to get tired and need to go horizontal soon. Was a good day! One of my better ones, if I try and compare. May there be more! And so it is!

**Also spelled "doughnut"

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Discovered that I've lost my favorite woolen scarf. Must have left it at the cafe yesterday when I had breakfast. Gone now! No trace of it there this morning. Have to go to my storage locker and resurrect one of my other scarves. Too bad! It was big and warm, bigger than most of my other ones. Guess it was time for it to go. Hope whoever found it, enjoys it. May they be happy!

Enjoying the Goodall biography. Not sure I can read it all though. It's interesting, but dense. The author has thoroughly researched her life and gives numerous examples of her young life and how it impacted her later years. She was destined to do what she did and had many life experiences that helped form her way of dealing with the world. For example, she was given a life-sized chimpanzee toy when she was still a toddler. It became her favorite toy.

Nothing new to report. Another day pretty much like other days. Did my laundry. Searched for my scarf. Read some. Ate some. Rested/slept some. Did my exercises and rituals. I thought about all of the days I've been in stasis, repeating things again and again. Waiting for a breakthrough! It's been a bit like solitary confinement--self-imposed. Months have sifted by. In the twinkling of an eye.

I've been following the story of the family that disappeared while traveling in Oregon. They found the woman and her kids! That's amazing! It's been over a week. The husband started walking out two days ago and is still missing. May he be found as well! I was thinking today that it would be a miracle to find them ok, and it's happened! And it is so!

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Days of December going like the wind. Soon will be Christmas Day! Today was a mixed bag for me. Got up feeling somewhat out of kilter--somewhat tired. I did read late into the evening last night--I was in that relatively "still" state that comes around late in each day. Was out for my walk and got a call from L asking me if I wanted to grab a breakfast. I said yes even though I had just downed a smoothie--I was feeling hungry.

We met at a new place (actually an old place--Java City) that now serves breakfast. They have a large selection of breakfast items and we indulged. Of course, I came home and collapsed (after taking another short walk to the donut shop to make sure I had a pastry in the cupboard). I rested/slept for a couple of hours and got up and had a snack, of course. Then did the life force exercises (which I almost talked myself into skipping) and now feel awake at last.

Was fidgety during breakfast, probably from the protein load from the morning smoothie--it seems to affect me in that way. Also it was a new place and I had to acclimate to the surroundings--there were several loud kids and such that triggered my startle reactions.

L had a pile of printouts on her car purchase research. She left breakfast to head out into the marketplace and find a new/used vehicle. She's probably still at it. Lots of options.

So this day has come and gone with only a new breakfast place to mark its passing. Of course, it's almost time to eat once again, but I think I'll go light tonight--I've had a gob of food over the past few days. Have to do laundry in the morrow. Meeting RB for dinner in the evening. Another day in Pair-a-dice, where the good times are on a roll! If they'd just roll my way! So be it!

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Dreams last night that got dropped as I awoke. The dreams had a nice quality about them, but the details got lost.

Standard day! Arose and did exercises, food, walk, and shopping. Came back and fixed lunch--then rested/napped. Read some in the Goodall book (well written, captivating anecdotes and biographical information). Dale Peterson, the author, was obviously having fun writing this one.

Then did heat lamps and life force exercises. Suddenly it was dinner time and am now winding down the day. Did some meditation somewhere along the way--and thought a thousand thoughts--about this and that and where I'm at.

After resting/napping had a brief period of "down" time--not as long or intense as yesterday--but still a low period. Last night, as I went to bed, the symptoms disappeared for several hours. That's generally the pattern--up in the morning, low and perplexed in the afternoon, and clearing before bed time and until I fall asleep. Seems like tonight is in the same groove.

Cooking and clean up for each meal/snack takes up a huge block of time. Mainly, because my hands and arms are"weighty" and require a lot of effort to get things done--I'm in slo-mo a lot. Bathing and shaving also require more time/effort than they once did--again slo-mo actions.

Housecleaning? What's that? I'm going to have to do something in that domain, but I've been in no-mo mode on that since I've been here. The time has come the walrus said... Have to promote cleaning from no-mo to slo-mo, at least. I have dust bunnies chasing my dust bunnies! I think they are propagating.

Well, the good news is that I'm not in the Midwest. It's cool here, but nothing like back there. May we continue to have sunny days even with the coolness. And it is so!

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Picked up Dale Peterson's new book--a biography of Jane Goodall. It's a tome! If it's interesting, hope I can finish it since I can't renew it--it's on hold by others. New Murakami book is going to be available soon--I'm now 4th on the wait list.

Ordered a stack of books from Amazon--on or about PD. Two books written by people who have recovered from the illness. Will be helpful to read about what they did (or didn't do) and get ideas for my next steps. The order is a bit caught up in the holiday deliveries, but all should be here soon. Will have plenty to read!

There's a video of a man in Australia who's recovered from PD--shows him walking at full pace without problems and no symptoms. It can be done! It can be done!

I've been on and off the past few days. Periods of feeling ok, and then periods of feeling out of it. Nothing really new, except that I'm paying more attention to the variations--when they happen, how they manifest, relationship to food and eating, and so forth. Finally getting enough energy to spend time trying to observe more. Still go out of it, like today--had to rest/sleep after eating lunch--couldn't just keep going anymore at that time. I'd done my morning rituals, went for a walk (long route, vigorous), went to the library, fixed lunch, and that was it! Had to rest/sleep.

When I awoke, I did the life force exercises, grabbed a snack, and sat under the heat lamps. All that finally refreshed me--I was feeling bummed out when I awoke, like I could have just stayed horizontal. Feeling awake and quiet now--evening is settling in quickly. It's warmed up slightly so cold isn't as much of an issue. Going to be interesting to see what my utility bill is going to be--not $15 like it has been.

So December arrives! Sleigh bells ring! Are you listening? Soon will be the shortest day of the year, and then the return to light! And then a New Year! Time marches onward. Onward and onward--into the futures.