5564

Was a wet, cold day. I kept a heater running last night, which let me sleep well despite the chill. But, wet and cold today was more then I was able to handle. Went for a walk and got caught in a rainstorm (not heavy but damp). Did laundry anyway--Wednesdays are slow days at the laundromat. And got an overdue haircut. Day sailed by--in the blink of an eye.

Cool again tonight! Will have to employ a heater once again. Makes me think of warmer climes.

Dreamed last night about being at the Oscar's. Was mingling and talking to all the great stars. One of the women made a remark about my beard. I had been thinking of shaving before going to bed, but decided not to. Dreamtime inserted an editorial comment about my fuzzy face. I shaved today before getting my hair cut. Wonder what I'll dream tonight?

Feeling heavy tonight--like I weigh a ton. Didn't do my afternoon exercises. OK to skip now and then. Makes doing them easier/better the next day. Yesterday, I increased my reps by 20%. If I was doing 10, I started doing 12. May be the reason I feel a bit logy today. Will do a full set in the morrow--yes I will!

Feel like going to the beach. Will see what the weather brings and will zip over there if the rains stop and the sun appears. It's been a few months since my last beach foray. Can't go too long without a visit to the sea. Oh, I'm off to see the sea! Yo, ho!

5565

Had a good session with the chiropractor today. I was looser today versus the last visit. Progress, slow but steady. It rained and was cool today, which triggered more tremoring than I've been having. Also had a smoothie for breakfast, which was cool to my core. Slept some today after lunch.

Big MegaMillion jackpot tonight. I've got my ticket! I'm dreaming big! Quieter around here with some of the apartments empty--just a lot less vehicle shifting noise. Have to watch Craigslist and see what they advertise the places for.

Nothing major scheduled for the rest of this week--a haircut and laundry--plus staying on top of food items. I need to do more cooking. I'm eating mostly stuff that doesn't require a lot of preparation and am eating out, which simplifies things a lot--but isn't the most nutritious way to feed myself. I seem to now have the energy to start thinking such thoughts.

Dreamed last night a dream I'd had before--a deja vu dream. Still don't recall the details, just the fact that it was a repeat. Awoke to happy thoughts! There was the sound of rain hitting the roof and a bird singing merrily in the early light. The bird sounded really happy to be out there in the downpour. I was happy to be wrapped in my blankets.

Feeling a little drowsy tonight. May turn in early--to read, to sleep, perchance to dream!

5566

And up we go! To the land of snow! And other meaningless rhymes.

Today, some of the symptoms returned a bit. So today was not like yesterday (it never is, you know), but it was still a fine day. I slept some in the afternoon. I slipped into sleep after a big lunch. Missed my walk again today--rain, wind and cool air kept me inside.

Had a bowl of soup with L tonight. Was good to get out for a while. Have a session with the chiropractor in the morrow. Another step along the way.

Heading for the bed shortly. Ready to go horizontal for the night. Oscars uber alles! The awards have been made. A new season begins! I was curious about what Winona Ryder has been doing. She's been busy. She has several films being released this year. I'd not heard much about her since the shoplifting episode. Good to hear she's back into it all. I think she's a great talent--but I'm not in charge of awards.

Mumble, mumble! Time to tumble! Into the bed so soft! As the rain resumes!

5567

I got this on the World Prayer site last night. Thought it was worth copying here:

When I am liberated by silence,
when I am no longer involved
in the measurement of life, but in the living of it,
I can discover a form of prayer in which
there is effectively no distraction.
My whole life becomes a prayer.
My whole silence is full of prayer.
The world of silence in which I am immersed
contributes to my prayer.

thomas merton

I had a really quiet day today--exceptionally still. Awoke to the thunderous downpouring of rain. Quiet and still, still and quiet. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Today was a breakthrough day. One of the best that I've had in over a year. Did nothing that differently except chanting as I walked. But did not experience the symptoms like usual--they were abated, in the background, and the cognitive load was really light.

Read last night, but not too late. Slept well, especially with the sounds of the rain on the roof. Managed to slip between the storms to get in a walk. I feel like I've turned a corner. May it be so! May it be, may it be!

Awaken to thoughts from the fun part of my brain and go from there.

5568

Was cool this morning when I went for a walk. I warmed up toward the end, but it was chilly! Made me shake, rattle and roll! Had a smoothie for breakfast, which didn't help, but tasted good. Extended my walk and went by the donut shop--I was craving a sticky bun. Joy and fun.

Dreamed last night about something to do with programming. I was an instructor and was helping some students as they deciphered a set of instructions. Everything was clear and logical.

I awoke to thoughts from the happy part of my brain. I gave myself a suggestion last night of waking in that manner, and it worked. That's two nights in a row. Was in a fairly good space all day despite triggering some symptoms with the cold weather. I slept some today. Felt mostly at peace today, but a bit more anxious than I've been. Thursday night was the clearest night, but last night was fairly good as well. Went to bed a bit early last night and read some in the other two story collections.

Got a nice call from LL. She's been sending me a lot of email about different things (one of her notes had the info on Tom Kenyon and sound healing--where I got his healing chant, which I listened to last night).

Relatively quiet here today. Everyone seems to be out and about. I've been running the heater most of the day--it acts like a white noise generator and masks a lot of the sounds. Been pondering my four areas of focus (place to live, supporting my daughter, joy in my life and getting in touch with Spirit). No breakthroughs, yet! But they are on the way. So be it!

5569

It was a bright, sunshiny day! Awoke with thoughts from the happy part of my brain. Caught the non-happy thoughts trying to creep in, but clipped them short.

Did exercises and went for a walk. Tried breathing as SRF lessons suggest as I walked. Couldn't seem to get coordinated. Tried chanting and that worked better. In fact, I've played around with chanting all day now. When I sat for a while, I let a spontaneous chanting happen. Felt really good to feel the resonation. Will do more.

Got a call from my daughter letting me know that she was planning to stay over in SAC this weekend. Means I can't catch a ride to her grandmother's 90th birthday event. Maybe I'll catch her 100th!

My daughter's having health and emotional issues. She's not sleeping well, some insomnia and anxiety, and spells of feeling faint and dizzy. She's cut back on work some and that should help, but she needs some extended R&R. Will try and see if I can make that happen.

I've got four major areas of attention right now: finding a place to land, putting more joy in my life, supporting my daughter, and getting in touch with Spirit. So be it! A good foursome!

Started reading the new stories last night. Read the first story in Elizabeth Hand's book, Saffron and Brimstone. Strange story (as the cover cut line promised)! Eerie and strange. Literary fantasy, and it certainly was. It was engrossing, but definitely creepy. Wonder what the rest are about and what they will evoke. Read on, McDuff!

5570

Acupressure massage this morning! Now that was fun! Awoke to the sounds of rainfall--that was my waking thought--of hearing the rain hitting the roof. A quietly pleasant noise.

I got up and did my exercises--not as a chore or a burden, but as a joyous ritual. That and a smoothie and the massage set the day's tone--upbeat and quiet. Went to the library and picked up three collections of short stories. Have started reading in one of them--a set of fictional fantasies.

Wind is picking up and the temperature is dropping. Going to be wet and colder in the coming week.

I feel more at peace today. Quiet and still. And despite the flurry of movement yesterday and today, I'm continuing to feel so. Underscores just how much of this illness (perhaps any illness) is mental. Just have to keep on creating JOY instead of non-joy! And see where that leads.

Picked up the latest SRF lessons. This week's lesson is about, interestingly enough, health and vitality--their source and keeping the energies flowing. It is a perfect adjunct to where I am right now, and where I wish to be. I oscillate between feeling like there's not enough time and there being forever. Today, I'm on the forever side of the balance. All the time in the world! No rush, no push! Things are working out as they are meant to be. No hurry, no worry! As the acupressure masseuse said today, "Take a worry fast three times a day." Spend some time each day taking a break from worrying about things. Let be! Let it all be!

Hooray! Today I'm in that mode!

5571

Went over to SC today. Met with Janice and got a confirmation that it's not the illness--it's me!

Physically, I'm on track. Mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually, I'm off the charts in a not positive direction. She worked with me to instill the importance of getting some joy (JOY) in my life. I realized that even the physical stuff I'm doing I'm holding it like a set of chores to be done. Healing and recovery is never going to happen from that mindset.

I'm glad I finally managed to get back over there. I'm experiencing clarity and stillness despite my own attempts to derail the process. She also did some needle work with me to expand my capacity for putting some JOY (aka FUN, SILLINESS, EXHILARATION, PLEASURE, etc.) into what I'm doing, even if it's just walking my loop each day. I've ritualized what I'm doing and am not letting the JOY be a part of my actions.

She also had a suggestion for late night auto-prompt regarding how I awaken in the mornings. It involves some self-programming regarding my first thoughts upon awakening--having them come from the FUN part of my brain. I've been doing things like an ascetic would do them, but in a rote manner, a labored way. Time to change all that--again! Discipline has helped me reach the point that I'm now at, but gentle kindness, JOY, FUN, and EXHILARATION are also needed. So be it! And it is so!

I knew all of this before going over today. But, it's now been underscored and noted! With emphasis! Time to program my morning's muse!

5572

Trying to go with the flow today. Doing things, but also resting when it feels like I should. Morning exercises felt good and after walk I went to the grocery store to keep on moving. Got to the store early--not many people there.

It's a bit cool today--I was chilled when I was out, but have cranked up the heater here inside. It's keeping things toasty. I've rested/napped a couple of times. Also cleared out a pile of papers that had built up around my chair. Looks better without the clutter.

As I flow along, I get small bursts of energy that I direct to some task (picking up the papers). Once the task is done, I rest or sleep if needed. Makes for a choppy day, but at least something is getting done. Not much, but a little progress.

Last night I wasn't as quiet or clear as I've been on previous evenings, but still was slightly so. Today, the tremor is staying more active for some reason. It's coming and going, but showing up a bit more than it has been doing. Is a puzzlement! And a pain in the psyche! Never constant or truly predictable. Always something new, some new variations.

I plan to fly low for the rest of the day--do my afternoon exercises, eat something, and pull in early tonight. And, oh yes, win the MegaMillion lottery tonight. No big deal! Something over $150MM! Would be fun!

Speaking of dreaming! Been having dreams, but not recalling them as I awake. Had one sometime over the last few nights that was all about family--a warm, happy dream. All for now on the dreaming front. More to come!

5573

Well I extended my daily sleep out! Kept wanting to sleep throughout the day and did so. Ate well today--ate quite a bit, but only served to make me sleepy. Am less so now (early evening). Getting my pre-bed surge of clearness and light energy.

Tried breaking the pattern today. Took the truck through a wash station. Only distracted me for a while, then sleep called once again. I tried staying on the go today--grocery store, car wash, eating out for lunch, pick up mail, etc. Just kept getting foggier and wanting to sleep. Oh, well! Will experiment again tomorrow.

Didn't sleep all that well last night. Read late, couldn't get settled, and was a bit cold in the morning.

Despite all the sleep today feel like hitting the bed early tonight. Que sera sera!

Last night before going to bed, I felt clear and fairly symptom-free. I could even think some about the future. Got clear images of what I might be able to do, etc. At least while I had them for that brief time last night. May they clarify even more!

5574

Gung Hay Fat Choy! On the eve of the Prez's Day! With asteroids lining up to crash into the Earth, 4-legged ducks being hatched, Britney shaving off her hair, and other bizarre occurrences.

Slept well last night (got to bed early) and slept some today, but not like it has been. Got up, did my exercises, fixed my power smoothie and went for a walk. Rested and eventually went out for a late breakfast. When I got back, got a call from L and went to meet her for a snack. I had a walnut bar, which ended my pastry/sugar avoidance--but it tasted so good!

Came back and napped and then went into afternoon exercise mode. Symptoms were not quite as intense as they've been. They were noticeable, especially so on my jaunt out with L. It was during the time I would have slept. Now, things are moving into afternoon/late evening quiet-down mode. I got fairly still after sitting for a while and it's continuing to manifest. Thank goodness!

Turned the heater on as it got dark. Winds are spinning up some coolness. I'm probably the only person in town with the heat on, but it feels good.

Several times today, I attempted to think about my future. Couldn't make myself focus. Well, one day, my future will be here--guess I'll recognize it when I see it--or maybe I won't.

Just got a notice from my medical insurance program that I can join a health club for free--it's included in the policy. Will look into it further. I could go to the Curves place that's just across the street--if a man is allowed in there. But, it would be ideal--walk over, work out and walk back. Hmmm! May be just what I need to extend my daily workouts. We shall see! We shall see!

5575

Summer day! Warm and almost muggy! A fine day for sleeping. I managed to get my share. Can't seem to stay awake--just want to sleep.

Read late into the evening again last night. Felt clear and quiet as the evening progressed. Stories I'm reading are set in the Sahara. They are intriguing as to the detail, but not that strong as far as the stories are concerned.

I'm feeling really low energy in some ways. Still do exercises and such, but having to rest/sleep a lot once again. Will I ever get a handle on these symptoms? They seem to morph and change almost as soon as they are observed.

I can't seem to muster enough focus to address where all this is headed--I'm flopping along behind like the tail on a kite. A kite's tail should be providing stability; I seem to be not doing that very well. If anything, I'm destabilizing things and doing so consistently.

Tonight, I'm not as clear and quiet as the two previous nights (yet, perhaps). I think I'll crash early. Will sit for a while though and let things cool some. It's still warm from today's sunshine. Let there be light!

5576

Lots of sleep day! Stayed up late last night, reading. Didn't fall asleep until after 1PM. Awoke around normal time, but left me with a sleep deficit. Made up for it by sleeping the day away.

In fact, just did a two hour snooze after dinner! Amazing! But not very productive. Did manage to do my laundry this morning before I began my snooze-a-thon. Also did manage to eat a modest amount of food--still investigating my food quantity/intake and symptom correlation. Right now, I'm once again virtually symptom-free as I start my way to read and sleep.

Daytime thoughts were clustered around my future--how/where I'm going to live and what I'm going to be able to do. It's becoming mantra-like in that whenever I have a spare thought slot, the future raises its murky head.

Feeling quiet right now. Was not so for most of the day--when I wasn't asleep. From this quiet place, quiet space, things are less intense. Just have to figure out how to transfer this quiet to my waking (sleeping?) hours. Has to be a way, a path, a route. Have to find a way!

5577

Symmetry of numbers! Spent the day watching what states I was in at different times. The symptoms quieted a lot last night after eating some dinner. Awoke today with regular morning tremors, which somewhat abated after exercising, eating and going for a walk. But, as usual, after the walk, I had to nap. Then ventured out for lunch and came back and napped again. Tremor and fuzzy feeling hung around until I did afternoon exercises and had some dinner. Now, things are quiet. Before dinner, I worked through the SRF materials and sat for a while.

Saw images again of my place in the woods when I was sitting. After dinner, I did some surfing for intentional communities and such. Lots out there! It's all going to come down to how much I recover and restore. My physical self is feeling better despite the need for naps and rest. It's the mental/emotional/spiritual selves that are still out of sync. The naps and rest are just artifacts of the state of those areas--not actual physical needs.

Also, food amounts and frequencies do seem to have an effect on the intensity of symptoms. For the past two days, once I ate some dinner, the symptoms started to abate. It's like all the food I eat up until dinner helps, but doesn't stop the symptoms. Dinner, finally, registers enough calories to calm everything down. And, I can't eat more for breakfast/lunch--I'm already eating about all I can manage at those meals. Doesn't seem to relate to what I eat, but the cumulative amount--and the clock/exercise/time of day.

I'm happy that I cut back on sugars. I think they were confounding the issue.

Right now, I feel clear and steady. My back on my right side is twinging some from tiredness and sitting in front of the computer a bit too long. It's time to go horizontal for the night--and read a bit before falling asleep. Informative day!

5578

Happy Valentine's Day! Was a day of shifting plans. Got up early and got ready for the trip to SC for a treatment. Had a call as I was about to leave that the PDTeam all had the flu and that we'd have to reschedule for next week. So, I went for my walk. It was a clear, warm day and it felt good to just be walking versus driving over the hill.

Came back and had to nap though. Eventually went shopping just to get out some more. Came back and rested some. Stomach still doesn't feel 100%. Spent several hours just sitting, feeling the symptoms and feeling out of it. Finally I did my afternoon exercises and experienced a lightening up of things. Been just sitting daily (not in a full meditation posture) and going over the SRF exercises/lessons. Reached a point where I was visualizing what's so for me--what type of place I want to be in for the next few years.

Kept seeing a place in nature--lots of trees, hiking trails--someplace rustic and simple. There were other people nearby, but not on all sides of me like now. I lived alone. It was peaceful, quiet and still. I got the full sense of what my spirit wants and needs. Climate was moderate so I could be outdoors a lot. There was some physical labor required (gardening, clearing, and so forth)--nothing monumental, but enough to keep the muscles happy.

I got a clear sense for such a place. It's like I was given a psychic road map of where to start looking, what to look for. I have no precise idea of where such a place exists, but I received images and sensations to guide me.

What I'm doing has to change--and it will--but hopefully in the direction of what I was seeing. May take some time to actually find what I saw, but I have to look. The default alternatives are too chaotic, abrasive and disquieting--too confined and limited.

My rent here just shifted to a month-to-month situation (and went up some as well), which gives me the option to pick up and go when I can do so. I look forward doing so and living as I saw myself living--in balance and at peace. May it be so!

Didn't win the MegaMillion last night, but no one else did either. Will take another shot at it on Friday! Keeping my arthritic fingers crossed (as far as they will go)!

5579

Went to the chiropractor today. Good session! Will be a bit sore in spots, but he's releasing a lot of the tightness in various areas. Also did a session with the BioCharger at the beginning. Seems to wake me up if nothing else. I smell like ozone the rest of the day, but who cares?

Felt anxious and jittery this morning and into the afternoon. The afternoon exercises pulled the tension levels down some, which has been helpful. I'm flailing back and forth between stasis and feeling out of control. Can't seem to settle down during the day--am still getting quiet in the afternoon/evening, thank goodness.

Got a nice call from BdeK. He was checking to see how I was doing.

Have a treatment session in SC tomorrow with JJ. Hopefully, she can give me some advice regarding my "states" of being--how to manage what's happening.

Had a detailed dream about being in a house with a bunch of people. Not sure now what the dream was all about other than we were going from room to room and talking about what was there. It was a bright, hopeful dream. Somewhat countering the funky moods I've been having.

Some of the mood stuff is probably related to cutting back on sweets. I hope that's what's happening and that everything will stabilize, and soon. And I hope the MegaMillion is mine tonight. That would be a real help! May it be so!

5580

I read late into the evening last night. I'd picked up another Bass book of short stories. His people, places and circumstances are all edgy, peculiar, and fill the story with a backdrop that permeates the action. Like Murakami, I never know where the stories are headed, how they will end. And even when they're ended, there's an ambiguity that remains--questions about what just took place.

Stomach still not 100% yet. Ate carefully today and wonder how much my cutting off sweets (sugars, etc.) is affecting my mood. Feeling really restless and anxious. Partly, it's some residual from yesterday's talk with JV and all that was stirred up. Partly, it's me wrestling with questions that I don't want to deal with. Partly, it's the weather--a jumble of clouds, sun, rain and even thunder.

I spent some time this morning trying to understand the Below Market Rate (BMR) rental listings. They are somewhat jumbled and unclear regarding waiting lists. JV had suggested that I look into that housing option as long as I'm in the area. I'll go back again, but for now my brain feels cooked from what I've already done. Same sensation no matter where I try to focus. A feeling which leads to frustration, restlessness and anxiety. Hmmm!

On top of that, I got a 30-day notice of a rent increase. It's modest, but just one more log on the planning fires--one more prompt to start making plans for the future--whatever that's going to be.

Kind of at a sticking point with the SRF materials. They've introduced meditation and suggest sitting twice a day. One (two) more things that need to be inserted into the daily schedule along with the new exercise books. Feeling slightly overwhelmed--and have sessions with the chiropractor and with PDTeam this week as well--and then there's the rest of life to deal with.

Moan! Groan! Throw that stone! Gnaw it through, right to the bone! (Poem therapy!) Thunder resounds across a salmon-colored sky. Lightning strikes nearby and the thunder rolls. Heading into the evening. Time to read myself into a quiet place. Ah, yes!

5581

Am in better shape today. Digestive system heading back to normal. Was able to exercise today (walk and so forth). Yesterday, I really felt the impact of skipping just one day of exercises (although I was weak from my stomach being upset and me living on the toilet). Anyway, it felt good to be back to somewhat normal today.

Bumped into JV when I went out for lunch and a run (no, not that kind of run) to the library. J's in a wheelchair from an automobile accident that damaged his spinal cord. He's totally mobile with his electric wheelchair and super van with lifts and so on. He's one of the more peaceful people I know despite his injury and circumstance. He shared a lot of good information about finding oneself in either of our situations. He gave me a lot to think about, which I'd already been kicking around in my own head.

He said one thing that really focused a key point--the idea of knowing the reality of a situation and acting accordingly--knowing, in his case for sure, that he unequivocally knows how he has to live the rest of his life. I think of JV and the guy who bums around town in his wheelchair and pesters people--what a contrast of coming to terms with an impossible set of situations.

JV shared that he just recently had to fly back east to see his brother, who was also in a terrible accident. He didn't get any damage to his spinal cord, but he got major damage to his head and bones--many breaks, staples in the skull, and so forth.

So it was a timely conversation--given that things in my court are starting to get cluttered and not very simple to unravel. How am I supposed to live the rest of my life? This illness has brought me face to face with the reality of my mortality, my mortal being--and it's frightened me and helped me to paralyze myself in many ways. It hasn't turned out like the pictures I was carrying around in my head of how it all was going to be. Now, I have to abandon those fanciful images and deal with what's so for me. And, I have no idea of where to begin or what to do--and I also have to keep on keeping on with a lot of what I'm doing (exercise, health monitoring, digestion and foods I eat, etc.). I know I can't stop some of these things since they are critical to my current state of balance.

So many questions! So many issues! Where do I begin? As the Buddha says, "If your in a home, the way begins in a hole." So be it!

5582

Woke up in the middle of the night feeling nauseous. My stomach was in a turmoil. Managed to not have to heave, but everything decided to come out of the other end. Been on the toilet for the better part of the day. Just had some oatmeal to see if that will settle everything.

Not sure what caused the problem. Ate everything at home yesterday. Guess my system was just ready for a purge--a cleaning out for sure.

Been resting/sleeping all day--didn't get enough sleep last night so am having to recover some today.

Exercises and rituals have all been ignored today. Rained nearly all day today. Lots of moisture in the air. Hope the oatmeal settles my stomach! Let it be so!

5583

Managed to get back in motion today. Even did a walk in between the rain showers. Been a wet weather day. Read late into the evening last night and got up late this morning. Had nothing planned so just started my morning routine late and went from there.

Reading a collection of short stories called The Lives of Rocks. Finished one called Permanent Visitors. Both are excellent and quite different. Lives of Rocks has stories where nature and isolation are background themes. Exquisite detail, to the point of making me wonder how he ever got to know such subjects so thoroughly, so completely.

I'm actually in the middle of the title story, which is a long piece. I wanted to keep reading it last night, but it was already late. It's a beautiful story about a woman, who is undergoing chemo, and is living by herself in a mountainous area. Her closest neighbors is a "back to the earth" family who live in an adjoining valley. She starts carving small boats and sends them with little notes via a nearby stream to the family. Two of the children find the boats and come visit with her. She begins to teach them about rocks and fossils and geologic time. And it goes from there--to whatever ending he has devised--which I'll know tonight.

All of this author's stories are incredibly rich like the Rocks tale.

The funk I was into yesterday receded some today. It helped to get back to my rituals. I'm cooking up some rice and steamed veggies for dinner. May have to start getting up earlier so I can expand my exercise and meditation schedules. That didn't happen this morning, but it needs to begin. The time has come, again! Walrus or no walrus!

5584

Acupressure massage this morning was good news/bad news. It felt good; it felt wonderful. I also ended up in a funk. It's as if I felt so good that I was depressed when we had to stop. I just wanted to stay on the table and be massaged, forever. I can blame part of this reaction on the weather--misty, gray day with no hint of sunshine. Low pressure keeping things pushed down. Me feeling like I'm getting slowly buried in a morass.

More to do--exercise, meditation, keeping it together. Just feel like it's never going to get any better, any clearer, any less chaotic, and any simpler--and things are fairly simple now.

Have a session with the chiropractor next week and a session in SC as well. Everything works while it's happening, but it's the long empty spaces in between. Like I say--I'm in a funk right now--and I missed my walk today. And my trip to the donut shop (I've decided to cut back on my sweets and sugar intake--I've too much in my diet). And, it's nearly my one year anniversary of being here in my cave! Long time no see the light!

February is always a challenging month for me--my opposition sign, astrologically! I always feel better when I get to March. Well, enough of this digital drivel! Onward! Onward! Onward!

Onward to glory I go! I am I, Don Quixote! My destiny calls and I go!

5585

Got the new SRF lessons today. Will dive into lesson 3 when I complete this post. Looking forward to the new material.

Rain threatened all day, but it stayed dry. Supposed to rain tonight. No sign of any so far.

Discovered a new eatery nearby--Wahoo Taco. They're just off CA Avenue. Had their fish bowl (they didn't call it that, but I did), which was tasty--fish, rice, beans and salsa. It was filling! Will have to try some of their other dishes. But, fish and rice is one of my faves.

The Argue movement book has some interesting exercises. I'll start working them in as I go. Lots of exercise going on.

Have an acupressure massage booked in the morning. I'm ready for one. Feeling creaky. Had a light dinner with L. Been a while since we've been together. She worked last weekend, which she was not happy about. She's looking into buying a condo in SF. That'll be a change--she's been in town, in her house, for 20 years.

I felt good after my afternoon exercises, but am fading now. Hope it rains and releases the low pressure system that's hovering hereabout. Good night! Sleep tight! Hope I dream about the light!

5586

Been reading through the movement books. You know it's serious when a lesson plan covers an entire year. In one of the tomes, ten lessons (new exercises) are introduced over a 12-month period, one new lesson per month with cumulative reviews scheduled for a week each month. And then, you start all over again!

Looks like it's exercise-ville from now to the end. Can't stop exercising or it all begins to take its toll. I'm up to 2 hours a day now and it's looking like I'll easily add another hour. The movement books have some very specific routines that address specific symptoms. Looks like it'll be worthwhile to add in some of those routines. I'll check to see if there are any classes at the PD center in Sunnyvale. Would be easier if there's a class. Also would be better with a group, I believe.

Too late now to think about details--I'm pooped from thinking about exercising.

Dreamed last night about something to do with a theater performance. I think I was attending a play, but am uncertain about details. Maybe I'll catch the 2nd act tonight. Rain predicted. We can use some even though it will make walking difficult.

Have spent two weeks on the first two SRF lessons. Next pair should be in my mail drop. First two lessons started things moving--am curious about what's next. At some point, there will be a discussion of their daily exercises! More exercises! What has this illness wrought? Vibrant health, perchance? Perhaps! And so it is!

5587

Exhausting day! Not sure why--seems I was not quite in sync all day. Felt buzzy and slow. Went to the dentist for a brushing lesson. A few new things, but mostly a retraining process for me. Got a new (revised) set of steps to take. Will see results when I get my next hygiene.

But other than that, it wasn't much of a day, as days have gone. It was another warm, summery day--not cool at all. Tremor was more active today, starting at the dentist's office.
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Now, there's something more exciting! Firetrucks have pulled up outside. Lights, sirens and diesel engines. Looks like something in the place across the way. This is the 2nd time in a week that the fire department has sent equipment to the neighborhood. Hope it's not a trend!
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Will listen to the Kenyon healing chants and retire to my reading pallet. I dreamed last night, but lost the details when I awoke this morning--the dental appointment slipped into my thoughts and the dreams slid away. May the firetrucks not be needed anytime again.

5588

Summertime, summertime! Today was a summertime preview. Excellent!

Dreamed last night that I was working with a team of people on films. We were the script writers. We were all sitting around the set with our laptops as the scenes were blocked and filmed. The whole day's effort took about 3 to 4 hours and then we were free to do whatever. Some of us went to the beach. We were staying in a motel on the beach. The whole dream sequence was sketchy, like watching a fast moving animation of all the actions. Not sure what the film itself was about--the dream was mainly about everyone's tasks and interactions.

Fairly quiet day for me. Symptoms were moderate most of the day. Been affirming my health a lot over the past two days. Seems to have an effect. Did the Kenyon healing music last night. If definitely quiets me down. Less soreness today in my arm--more range of motion.

Went out for lunch and bumped into RLB's daughter. She told me about a sonic device her mother is using to help strengthen a weak leg muscle. It's call a TurboSonic instrument and pulses/vibrates the body while you stand on it. Might give it a try--but not right away. Have enough going on now with acupressure massage, chiropractic work, treatments, and the dentist--plus reading new movement books and seeing what I want to add to me rituals. Soon, I'll just be exercising all day long. What a life!

Speaking of dentists, I'm seeing one of mine in the morrow. Onward!

5590-5589

Didn't post yesterday. Got to be too late in the day so I punted. And it is so!

Dreamed last night that I was with a team of people. We were excavating a site that contained lots of digital records. We were using the latest data transfer and capture devices. Our task was to probe the site and extract any data files that we could find. Some of the files were stored on discs and other media. The team leader had a master control tool that let him reset all of our devices with a single pulse. The tool was a small disc that emitted a vibratory sound that was like the sacred word Aum. When our devices locked up, which they did because of security protocols embedded in the site, he would pulse everything and reset our devices to the last clean capture.

A second part of the dream involved the team doing exercises. We were in a facility that had exercise rooms, showers, lockers and exercise equipment. Our team was scheduled for a workout that was a cross between yoga and aerobics. There was some discussion about another part of the facility that had been renovated, which increased the space available for workout sessions. Everyone was in a good mood and there was a lot of locker room patter between the team members.

Also had a waking dream about doing my walk and seeing a car run off the road and crash into a bus stop bench. I was awake and thinking about my walk when this scene popped into my head. I went for my walk, but was attentive to the traffic. I didn't see a wreck as I walked.

Anyway, it's early in the day. Will add more later. Bright, sunny day! A bit cool, but warming quickly. Symptoms moderate. Yesterday they were on/off, getting lighter as the day went on. Ate well and ate a lot yesterday (smoothie, salmon and rice and veggies, bread pudding, chocolate milk, bananas). Seemed to moderate the symptoms. Kept warm yesterday (and will do so today as well)! Ah, the mysteries of symptoms!
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Quieted down as the day progressed. Symptoms lessened after doing afternoon exercises. Rested, slept some and ate.

Listened to the Kenyon sound healing recording. Now I'm really quiet--symptoms and otherwise. Have to investigate sound healing more thoroughly. See what I hear! Time for bed. Read and drift away--into the realms of the cosmos. Adieu!

5591

Restless day! Couldn't get settled all day until now. Feeling restless and jittery. Weather didn't help--it stayed cool most of the day. Kept my symptoms active. One of those days, I guess.

Upper right arm was sore--probably from the chiro work done on Tuesday. Took an extra day to show up. Better now after doing afternoon exercises.

Slept/rested some today--not a lot since I was so antsy.

Tried some healing chants from Tom Kenyon last night. They're interesting--mostly vocalizations of sacred words/sounds with Tibetan bowls in the background. Will do again tonight and look for results. Last night, after listening to the chanting, I felt clear and awake--in fact had a little trouble falling asleep--my body was still vibrating from the music.

Kenyon is into some way out stuff. His vocal range, based on the chant I'm listening to, is astounding--multi-tonal and intense. Healing sounds--another area where I feel compelled to explore. It all fits together--I'm sure! Move and heal, chant and heal! Many paths to the same goal. Let it be so!